A POST DEDICATED TO TRINITY & ASHLEY – LA VITA e BELLA


” LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL”

EXPRESS YOUR SELF

horse -girl

So there is was just sitting and minding my own business, and I decided to call my, Niece Melanie, who resides in New York

We haven’t talked to each other for possibly a year, because we have been busy.

Melanie has two beautiful daughters:

Trinity & Ashley

An amazing conversation took place with Melanie saying that she was always following my Blog, an she said, that she was proud of me, and my courage!

For fighting for the rights of  myself, and Transsexual woman.

THEN TRINITY AND ASHLEY, HER DAUGHTERS TALKEED TO ME ON THE PHONE, AND SAID HOW PROUD AND ACCEPTNG THEY WERE, OF ME,  AS JAMIE LEE.

WHAT IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL, IS THE FACT THAT!

Here are two young and beautiful girls and woman, who are related to me, and have been following, me and have learned about the Transgendered Community, from the Education, which I have posted, and they both made sure to tell me that they will support, and stand up for the transgendered Community for the rest of their lives, because, they understand. 

ASHLEY & TRINITY

Thank you from the bottom of my Heart – Jamie Lee

AND THIS CURTSY IS FOR YOU – I love you guys

CURTSEY

And as Trinity said:  La Vita e Bella – LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL !

AND ONE MORE STATEMENT FROM THIS YOUNG LADY :    Express Yourself – Trin

Advertisements

JAMIE LEE – ME & MY MIRROR


WHAT MORE CAN BE SAID………………………………………………………………………………..Jamie Lee

for infinity

I am Jamie Lee

JAMIE LEE


There once was a girl

Who felt her pain

She had a life, but had no name

I look at you

I know what you see ,when you look at me

I know, But do you know,  what’s inside?

The part of me that I must hide

That you, made me, hold deep, deep inside

Do you know what you’d see,  if you deeper inside of me?

DO YOU ?

I AM THERE !

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE, AND THAT’S WHERE I WILL ALWAYS BE !

WHEN YOU LOOK INSIDE OF ME !

Do you have vision problems ? Do you?  Myopia, near-sightedness ?, Do you need glasses,  a magnifying glass, binoculars a telescope ?

WELL FIGHT IT !

LOOK DEEPER, LOOK GOD DAMN DEEPER !

I wouldn’t want you to miss out on a really Beautiful person !

AND WHEN YOU DON’T, YOU MADE ME CRY!

OR MADE ME DIE !

At times in my life when I feel severely handicapped can be pretty difficult for me to handle sometimes.

I mean my friends and loved ones don’t want to accept,  and go places with me because they are too embarrassed to be seen with me.

And people think I am stupid , because I don’t walk, talk and look like they do !

I am a lot smarter then you will ever know.

It’s not my fault, I was born this way!

No matter what we do together, we always have fun.

And when you see my smile, that’s how you know I LOVE YOU !

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ?

I AM NOT YOUR HANDICAP ! YOU ARE MINE !

Jamie Lee

Your son, Daughter, Wife, Husband, Doctor,  Lawyer, and Indian Chief

The person that,  some day may save your life !

FOR THE BULLIES……………………I AM HONORED TO POST THIS PRESENTATION -JAMIE LEE


THIS IS SO TRUE,  ABOUT EVERYONE.  I CAN RELATE TO THIS.  THIS PRESENTATION IS AWSOME – JAMIE LEE

STOP THIS NONSENSE AND LET PEOPLE BE………………………..!

 

 

THE CRYSTAL CONNECTION WELCOMES – 4,000 – FOUR THOUSAND VISITORS – FROM 59 – DIFFERENT COUNTRIES !


I am proud to announce that the Crystal Connection, has reached 4,000 visitors, from 51 Countries around the World.

I have published 177, posts, pertaining to GLBT Education and Acceptance.  My Crystal Connection stands for Freedom,  Acceptance of all people, races and religions.  I have worked in Law Enforcement to always protect the rights of others, the rights of others that were not afforded to me in my own transition.

I an my Crystal Connection, does not accept or promote the statement that ” Our Sexuality has to be without fault ! And that must function in strict conformity with all customs & laws !  No matter how illogical they are. and how much hypocrisy they may give rise”!

Jamie-Blk-Mural-S

I PROMOTE ACCEPTANCE AND FREEDOM FOR ALL PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD!

I PROMOTE ENDING DISCRIMINATION, BULLYING, INTOLLERANCE. SEXISM, RACISM !

I BELIEVE IN RELIGIOUS FREEDOMS.

I PROMOTE EGALITARIAN PEOPLE, WHO HAVE EGALTARIAN, IDEAS ABOUT GENDER !

I WILL CONTINUE TO EDUCATE AND ADVOCATE, FOR THE GLBT COMMUNITY AND OUR FREEDOMS.  I WILL CONTINUE TO EDUCATE ABOUT THE INTERSEXED COMMUNITY.

CRYSTAL CONNECTION NON-DISCRIMINATION POLICY – 2-26-2013

I AM MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION – PROHIBIT DISCRIMINATION AGAINST, AND HARRASSMENT,

OF ANYONE BECAUSE OF RACE, COLOR, NATIONAL OR ETHNIC ORIGIN,

AGE, RELIGION, SEX, SEXUAL ORIENTATION,

GENDER IDENTITY & EXPRESSION !

There will be zero tolerance for sites that show or promote, hidden agendas, moralistic behavior, BDSM, pornography, lewd or lascivious behaviur, she-male, sissyfication,  clown porn or any disrespectful photos. 

ADVOCATCY  & EDUCATION

I have be an Advocate in the Transgendered Community for approximately 15 years, during my transition.  I attended Renaissance Transgendered support groups and even taught at them.  I have attended numerous Transgendered Conferences in the Eastern Region of Pa.  I have previously ran a Transgendered support group in the Past.  I have experience in psychology, criminal justice, Domestic Violence, Child abuse, Rape, Stalking,  and much, much more.

Business cards

RESPONSIBILITIES OF A TEACHER AND ADVOCATE IN THE GLBT-INTERSEX COMMUNITY

AS AN ADVOCATE YOU MUST BE AWARE OF WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO.  IS IT A WIFE, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, SON, DAUGHTER, OR FRIEND OF THE TRANSGENDERED INDIVIDUAL.  YOU MUST BE SENSITIVE OF THE AGE, AND GENDER.  SUICIDE IS HIGH IN OUR COMMUNITY, SO YOU MUST INSURE THAT YOU PROVIDE ACCURATE FACTS, AVIOD OPINIONS.  WE MUST REALIZE AT ALL TIMES, WE DON’T KNOW WHO IS READING OUR STORIES.

WE MUST INSURE THAT WE PROVIDE NOTHING BUT FACTS AND REALISTIC STORIES ALONG WITH EDUCATION.

MY QUALIFICATIONS

COLLEGE VILLANOVA AND PENN STATE, CRIMINAL JUSTICE, PSYCHOLOGY, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, OCCULT, RAPE, CHILD MOLESTATION, MEGAN’S LAW, OUT LAW MOTORCYCLE CLUBS, INVESTIGTIONS, SEARCH AND SEIZURE, CURTURAL AWARENESS, RACEST GROUPS, FEMALE OFFENDERS IN TREATMENT, MH/MR ISSUES, GLBT SUPPORT AND ADVOCACY, CLOSE QUARTERS COMBAT, PRESSURE POINT CONTROL, AND MUCH,  MUCH MORE.   I TAUGHT COLLEGE CLASSES, I AM A CERTIFIED TRAINER IN ANTI TERRIORISM.  I WAS A PRIVATE DETECTIVE, ALONG WITH 30 YRS LAW ENFORCEMENT. 

THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY UPCOMMING BOOK WAS COMPLETED BY: WRITER, PLAYWRITE, AND AUTHOR. LISA BUFFINGTON !

SHE AND I ARE TEAMING UP FOR A PROJECT IN PUBLIC SPEAKING, WHICH WILL COVER MANY TOPICS, INCLUDING GLBT, INTOLLERANCE, DISCRIMINATION AND ALOT MORE !

I HAVE BEEN RECENTLY RECRUTED BY A MODELING AGENCY, AS A MODEL, ACTOR,  AND VOICE OVER.  I HAVE ATTENDED THE PA. MODEL & TALENT EXPO, ON CAMERA WORKSHOPS, ETC.

FINALLY I MAKE THIS OFFER.  IF ANYONE THAT VISITS MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION,  HAS ANYONE, HUSBAND, WIFE, CHILD, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, WHO NEEDS HELP, REFERENCES, SUPPORT, OR ADVICE.

PLEASE CONTACT ME

Jamie Lee – Crystal Connection

FIFTY NINE COUNTRIES

Country Views
United States FlagUnited States 3,258
United Kingdom FlagUnited Kingdom 157
Canada FlagCanada 77
Australia FlagAustralia 59
Germany FlagGermany 41
Spain FlagSpain 33
Italy FlagItaly 23
France FlagFrance 21
Israel FlagIsrael 17
India FlagIndia 14
Netherlands FlagNetherlands 14
Sweden FlagSweden 13
Brazil FlagBrazil 12
Philippines FlagPhilippines 12
Korea, Republic of FlagRepublic of Korea 11
Russian Federation FlagRussian Federation 11
New Zealand FlagNew Zealand 10
Ireland FlagIreland 10
Hong Kong FlagHong Kong 10
Austria FlagAustria 7
South Africa FlagSouth Africa 7
Thailand FlagThailand 7
Malaysia FlagMalaysia 7
Singapore FlagSingapore 6
Venezuela FlagVenezuela 5
Belgium FlagBelgium 5
Switzerland FlagSwitzerland 5
Peru FlagPeru 4
Mauritius FlagMauritius 4
Colombia FlagColombia 4
Hungary FlagHungary 3
Japan FlagJapan 3
Mexico FlagMexico 3
Turkey FlagTurkey 3
Greece FlagGreece 3
Poland FlagPoland 3
Argentina FlagArgentina 3
Slovakia FlagSlovakia 3
Ukraine FlagUkraine 3
Armenia FlagArmenia 3
Bangladesh FlagBangladesh 3
Indonesia FlagIndonesia 2
Saudi Arabia FlagSaudi Arabia 2
Afghanistan FlagAfghanistan 2
Ecuador FlagEcuador 2
Luxembourg FlagLuxembourg 1
Egypt FlagEgypt 1
Grenada FlagGrenada 1
Tunisia FlagTunisia 1
Finland FlagFinland 1
Guatemala FlagGuatemala 1
Denmark FlagDenmark 1
Ghana FlagGhana 1
Tanzania, United Republic of FlagUnited Republic of Tanzania 1
Panama FlagPanama 1
Norway FlagNorway 1
Czech Republic FlagCzech Republic 1
Taiwan, Province of China FlagTaiwan 1
Serbia FlagSerbia

WOW – THIS SPEAKES FOR IT SELF — JAMIE LEE – THANK YOU SUSAN !


 Just sent to me from a Dear Friend, Susan.  Who is a minister.    She is into public speaking.  And sent this!  

This past week I gave a “temple talk” (short informational homily) at both of our services about becoming a Reconciling in Christ congregation and will be speaking at our annual meeting on the 3rd.  Sponsering a forum on Suicide on the 14th because we have had a few over the last 3 or 4 years.  The presenter will be talking about the reasons for suicide and LGBT issues are right up there.  On the 24th we will have a panel discussion between a couple of members of our congregation (both raised children that were gay) and several students from “Outlook” an LGBT group on campus.
Her presentation:
…And God, just whom is it that you love?

The headline in a west suburban paper of 1954 could have read, “Tragedy strikes a new family.”  The eleven year old boy who was found by his family in the bathroom was a victim of apparent suicide.  Although new to the area, the boy was a straight A student and a faithful follower of the Lord at Saint Peters Lutheran Church where he was preparing for his confirmation.

But that isn’t what the paper said.  The paper never said anything because the suicide failed.  The boy who had already saved his mother from a beating and protected his little sister had to survive.  Maybe it was that combined with all the guilt that overcame the frustration and confusion that pervaded and agonized his soul.  As the blood trickled down on the cream-colored blouse and brown tweed skirt he was wearing, could it be that he knew he couldn’t be found dressed this way?  Or maybe inserting the knife for that instant hurt more than all he was already enduring.

Jesus asks Peter, “Whom do you love?” not once but three times.  Is this because Peter denied him three times?  Of course, Peter’s response is,  “You, Lord.”  Is turn about fair play?  Since Jesus asks, “Whom do you love? Are we allowed the same question?  God who is it that you love?

Religious belief can be a good thing.  It is the theology that becomes warped.  It is very easy to become faithful followers out of fear and guilt.  After all, look what happens to God’s chosen people. Freed from the bondage of slavery, they got to wander in the wilderness long enough so that not one of that generation enters the promised land.

God has made “man” as part of his creation but destroys whole cities and even floods the world to rid it of all the evil, saving two of each  creature and one human family so that there can be a new beginning.

Was what God created so terribly bad that just about all of it had to be destroyed?  Is that the only solution that an all-knowing, ever present, loving God can find?

Remember that boy studying his Luther’s Small Catechism?  Look at what Luther has to say about the fifth commandment:  what does this mean?  We should fear and love God that we may not hurt nor do harm to our neighbor in his body, but rather help and befriend him in every bodily need.  What does God forbid in the fifth commandment?  Answer:  God forbids us to take the life of a fellow human (murder) or our own life (suicide).  What happens if one knowingly disobeys God’s command?  Surely there are sufficient examples, lest you look back and be turned to stone.  Is it any wonder then that those who hear of fire and brimstone and little of salvation should wonder who it is that God loves, and if this is God’s love, who wants it!

There must be another answer, an answer that can only come through a maturity of belief and an understanding of “The Word” as a guide for the kind of life God wants for us.  Some of those who have been born again and saved look to “The Word” as all that is true, no interpretation required.  Pick any verse, any passage, and it will tell you what you must do to live a godly life.  You are called to live the Law and not sin.  Yes, you are saved, but once saved go and sin no more.

Jumping forward in time, the boy who escaped suicide compensated for his sinful nature by being a man in uniform protecting his country.  At 19 he was entrusted with analysis of Soviet missile launches to determine if a counter strike was called for.  He married, became a father three times over and tried to set an example for his children by providing for them the best he could, working two or three jobs while going to school, bringing them to church and Sunday school each week.  He became a Sunday school teacher, then superintendent, and even a scoutmaster.  Trying to build things and not being good at it.  Teaching survival skills and going camping, although he hated it.  And every once in a while, because he was still slender, he would sneak away, try on his wife’s clothes, and feel at peace until the guilt returned in a flash.

As God created the heavens, earth and all that was on it, God would stop and be pleased, for what God created was good.  The creation story continues as God creates humans in God’s own image.  God is neither male nor female.  God is all, so when God created humans, we look to Genesis 1:27:  “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them.”  And at 1:31, “God saw all that He made, and it was very good.”  It is in chapter two of Genesis that God creates woman, beginning at verse 22.  “Then God made woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.  The man said, ‘This is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;  she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.’”  There had been no male and female independent of one another.  Woman was taken out of man, implying that originally man in God’s image was indeed both male and female.

The struggle today is for unity, oneness to be whole again and to be in the image of God.  Early Native American cultures recognize three genders, male, female, and a third that embodies both male and female.  That third gender is revered and treated as a holy one given to teach the ways of life.

Latest scientific findings have shown that gender is determined early in the first trimester.  All fetuses interestingly start as female, and it is only through certain antigens that imprint the DNA that we develop males.  Not every fetus experiences the same events, so there is a wide variety of development from the fully physical male with full male sex qualities to the fully physical female who embodies all female sex qualities.  This leaves room for millions of variations all along the continuum from one end to the other.  Surely one could be physically male and posses a female brain where gender lies, or the opposite.   As we observe the world that God has made and the vastness of the heavens, all the possible combinations and the greatness of diversity, can we not understand why God would be pleased to say it was very good?

If I were a born again Christian, I might look to Deuteronomy 22:5 where it says that a woman must not wear men’s clothing nor a man wear women’s clothing, and use this verse to prove that those who express any variation in gender are detested by God.  What one forgets is that the early Old Testament is an oral history of generations, codified for later progeny, and that it is the story of the coming of Israel.  The warning is in part that God does not want the Israelites to take on the religious practices of the countries that they conquered and occupied.  Priests and priestesses of the Canaanites and followers of Molech indeed changed clothes as part of their religious ceremonies.  That is all part of the early laws such as not wearing garments of wool and linen woven together, nor could they have tassels at the corners of their cloaks.  It was okay, however, for parents to bring a rebellious son before the elders so that all the men of the town could stone him to death (Deut. 21:18-22).

Luckily, God has saved us all.  As Jesus teaches Nicodemus (John 3:16) , “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”  Surely, when Jesus refers to the world, He is being inconclusive, for it is whoever believes.  In first John 2:2 we read, “He is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.”  We see through this that it is God who acts.  God grants us salvation which is nothing that we can do, win, or earn.  It is grace.  So what does that mean for the seemingly lost boy at the beginning?

When saved, we are told of our salvation and also given a command to go and sin no more.  We understand that we can not, even having been forgiven, that we can go about now and live a perfect life.  Even Paul says that he continues to do that which he does not want to do and does not do that which he ought.  Having faith we are brought to God, absolved of sin, knowing we will continue to sin but will in all earnestness attempt to live a life according to God’s will.  Surely, this reconciliation is proof of God’s love for us.

Whom do you love, God?  Everyone for all time.  God loves each of us no matter what our skin color may be, God loves those of wealth and the poor, God loves those of sound mind and body along with those mentally challenged or weak and infirm.  God loves heterosexuals, homosexuals, trans-gendered or transsexual people.  God loves those who try to live by God’s teaching as well as thieves, murderers and terrorists.  God is like a parent, not liking what we may do at times, but always offering forgiveness and love.

And now how does one respond to God’s love?  First, we must consider that that young man caught up in anguish and frustration is not a sinner because he wears women’s clothing.  He is in fact living as God has meant him to, continually seeking the oneness that he can only feel when freely able to recognize both his maleness and femaleness.  If God gave someone male body, and female gender, then how could this person deny the feminine part that God has made, and whose creation pleased God?  Similarly, the same person must live and enjoy his maleness.  His entire being is brought together in one body, being like the Lord, by living in God’s image, both male and female.

We are called to love God and to love one another as we love ourselves and as God has loved us.  If we return to the Old Testament, Leviticus 19:18 tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Jesus opens the parable of the Good Samaritan when a teacher asks him what he must do to inherit eternal life, and Jesus in return asks what is written in the Law.  The teacher responds, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”  It is not possible for this person who is trans-gendered to love only part of his or her self and to hate the other part and then do as God commands.  There must be a oneness, a wholeness, to be able to love self and so to love a neighbor likewise, and to love God.

How are we to love?  We are to love as God has loved us.  We must be open to God’s voice.  We are all given gifts by God.  Some are gifts of healing, some teaching, some prophesying.  God equips us all to be witnesses.  Michael W. Foss, senior pastor at Lutheran Church of the Redeemer in Atlanta has stated, “You are the missionaries of the twenty-first century.  You will be invited into places and conversations that I as a pastor will never go.  If you are willing to take your faith with you and simply be open, God will present possibilities for witness that you cannot imagine.”  We have to learn to listen.  Listen to what God says and allow the Holy Spirit to enter our lives and guide us.

Two years ago I would never have thought of standing in a college classroom, dressed in a conservative suit with appropriate makeup, jewelry, hosiery and heels telling students of my life journey and sharing with them the depth of my feelings and my faith in God’s plan for me.  And now this year, open to God’s call, I’ve been led to explain all of this to the evangelical fundamentalists who thought they might save me from my sinful self.  Many times Paul wrote about being aware of false prophets.  These people who were about saving souls by cherry picking verses from the Old Testament forgot the overriding message:  God loves me as I am so that I can love myself, love you, and love God.  I am called to be a disciple–to tell of God’s love and grace.  Salvation is not for Jews alone;  Paul preached salvation to the Gentiles.  In Galatians 2:15, he says, “We who are Jews by birth and not Gentile sinners know that a man is not justified by observing the law but by faith in Jesus Christ. . . .  By observing the Law no one will be justified.”  By God’s grace we all are saved, so as a forgiven sinner, by birth in the likeness of God male and female, I am called to share the Good News.

The Good News that I, no longer that suicidal boy, am now prepared to share with you is that  Jesus Christ, God’s true and only son, died for me a cross dressing trans-gendered person, was raised and lives forever.  It is by grace because God loves me that I am saved.  The greatest thing about the Good News is that the same has been done for you and all the world.  Indeed, God loves us one and ALL.  Rejoice!

I just received this, after learning that a very close relative to me died.  I find it interesting that things come to you at moments of despair………………THIS IS THE ANSWER TO WHAT WE IN THE COMMUNITY, HAVE BEEN SEEEKING, AN IT IS TO HER THAT I SAY! CUDOS, AND I AM PROUD TO BE HER FRIEND!!

JAMIE LEE

 

POST # 2 – A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!!


Jamie-standing

THERE IS NO RULES FOR US AS TRANSSEXUALS!    I FEEL THAT THERE ARE SOCIATAL RULES FOR A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,  AS WELL AS WELL AS THE CONDUCT OF THE GAY AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE! 

   WHEN I WAS BORN,  THERE WAS NO INSTRUCTIONS,  THAT CAME WITH THE PACKAGE.  THERE WERE NO RULES,  AS WELL AS A “BOOK OF “HOYLE” , THAT CAME ALONG WITH THE PARAMATERS OF THE GAME.

      A book of Hoyle   Contains all the Games Played in the United States, with Rules, Descriptions, and Technicalities Adapted to the American Methods of Playing!

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying, that in life there is structured rules for the behaviorisms of the Heterosexual Relationships , however there are certain paths that are obvious!

Meet, date, marry, have children, walk hand in hand, arms around each other, have children, go dancing, be a  women attend to their hair,  and beauty, along with the rest.  Men watch sports, go hunting, fishing, work, be a law abiding citizen. look at photos of their marriage or life, reminisce, raise their children, grow old together, and then die!

You get the point!

Now to Cross dressers & Transsexuals

Again, understand the difference between the two:  Cross dressers have feminine feelings, like to dress on occasion as woman, can take the cloths off, and life goes on!  Typically these individuals are in healthy, Heterosexual Relationships.

Transsexuals on the other hand, were dealt the fate, to be born in the wrong body, have a core value of femininity, which is a life long struggle do deal with, and to come to terms with,  in their own self-acceptance.  Our brains are that of a natal woman, but our bodies don’t match.  The cause of this, to-date is from GENETICS

Now, what are the rules for us?  There are none!  We were born with no instructions, directions or rules, we have to fly by the seat of our pants, and usually on one engine

There is no one that can teach us, so we seek the comfort of  others in the same dilemma, for those answers!

Now I will say some things before I get back to the topic of my children!   As a male,  I have done all the things I stated above, in the heterosexual rules.

Don’t get me wrong,  I would not replace a thing, that I experienced.   As a male, I met my wife, (which by the way will be the topic of, my next progressive post ) Message to my children:  I loved her, I wanted to get married, I wanted Children! Especially YOU!

I am getting emotional – so I need this song to bring me back!

A song that I have listened too so many times

BECAUSE IT IS HOW I FEEL

BACK TO REALITY !!!!!  And my story, and my feelings, hopes dreams and aspirations…………………………….

TO MAKE A POINT!  I COVERED ABOVE THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOURISMS, OF A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP!

When I was delivered, the Doctor slapped ME, when in fact,  he should have slapped,  the shit out of my Mother for giving birth to me!

I didn’t know what my fate was as a baby.  It wasn’t until the age of 5-7 years old,  that I realized, I was different! And initially I didn’t know what extreme trauma would accompany that!  Could I exist? NO!  So I had to learn at that young age to HIDE!  So I hid!  And I grew up into adolescence and hid.  I grew as a teenager and I hid.  I went into the Military and hid.  I went into Law Enforcement and I continued to hide, even into the beginning of my marriage.  I was highly trained in the Art of hiding!  For fear of  being hurt!  I was a highly trained “NINJA” in the Art of hiding, and deception, and lack of courage, to deal with the dynamics of who I was, and born to be by the grace of GOD!  I couldn’t dance as Jamie, I couldn’t live as Jamie, I couldn’t sing as Jamie, watch sports, TV, hold hands, and experience life as Jamie!      Jamie had to hide !  What she did best !

IT IS NOW, THAT I WANT TO INTERJECT SOMETHING, WHICH I PRAY TO GOD WILL INSTILL A REALIZATION INTO MY WIFE, CHILDREN, LOVED ONE’S AND FRIENDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND TO THE MAJORITY OF SOCIETY,  WHO DENIES ME !!

I WANT YOU !  TO STUDY THIS PHOTO BELOW!

I WANT YOU TO SHOW THE RESPECT AND,  STUDY IT CLOSELY !!

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Incarceration is compared,  to the years of being incarcerated.   A person who has received a life sentence, and spent say approximately 30 years in prison, can become dependent and institutionalized.   If they are fortunate enough to be Pardoned, and step out into Society, it can be surreal and even traumatizing. 

I COMPARE MY OWN LIFE, AS BEING INCARCERATED

for so many reasons

What this photo above means to me and about me, is the surreal feelings, the feeling of being released from incarceration, of who I was inside and meant to be. 

When I saw this Gazebo in the middle of the Park

I didn’t have fore thought about,  what I was about to do

It was like I was driven by some unknown force, whether, it be a God or a Goddess, or just a divine intervention

I just walked to the middle of it, threw up my arms, and screamed at the top of my voice!

I AM JAMIE LEE AND I AM FREE !!!!!!!!!

I wasn’t thinking about loved ones,  friends,  foes or anything else.   I was thinking about ME!  JUST ME!

It was almost was like, I felt at birth – I was reborn – I felt like a woman,  in it’s divine totality, I felt the beauty of the Estrogen,  flowing in my body, Soul and Spirit-I finally felt freedom, and completeness,  even if it was,  for a short period of time.  It was euphoric!

In hind-sight, I wish I knew, what the other people in, voice range, in the Park,  thought, when the heard me yell that!

I have been living with a pink elephant, in the living room,  for far too long.  My family, at times supportive, and at other times wanting me to just keep things status quo, and, to avoid the conflict of my transition.  My transition is not a choice, it’s a fact,  and even during times when we don’t talk about it,  which is unfortunately more often than not, the issue is there, always like that big pink elephant that we all know is there,  but refuse to acknowledge.  I have a son in law that doesn’t even know I am transgendered.  My daughter has told me over and over again that she supports me and loves me no matter what,  but then on the other hand,  says that we can’t tell her husband or his family because they “won’t understand”.  My daughter seems to feel that it is better to protect her husband,  and in-laws from my reality,  but is it really?

Eventually the truth will come out, it has to,  and when it does,  I am afraid they will feel betrayed,  when they find out that she knew all along,  and hid it from them.  She says she supports and accepts,  me but lies to her husband, her partner in life about her own parent?  I wish she could understand that,  not only does this forced double life hurt me, it is very likely to hurt her marriage,  because of her lies.

My son’s wife and I were really close at one time, having long conversations about being transgendered,  and also about my transitioning.  She seemed very interested and understanding.  I thought we had a very close relationship,  until I found out that at a party,  she was telling other people including my wife,  that I was talking about my blog,  and about what I blog about,  which is transgendered issues.  This caused a huge conflict within the family and left me feeling very betrayed.  How can she tell me over and over that she understands,  and that she supports me,  and then go behind my back like that?

Which is true?  Did she mean it when she said she understood and accepted me?,  or does she really think I am wrong?  It has hurt my trust in her.  This has also perpetuated some problems between my son and I .  He asked me if I wanted to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving and as soon as I said ‘sure, just let me get changed” he said that if I was going to go “dressed” as Jamie then he didn’t want to go.  How disappointed I was, that he was embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with me.  I wish I could make him understand that Jamie, is me,   I don’t “dress as” Jamie.  In the future to their homes, but I do plan,  to just get in the car and stop asking for permission to be who I am.  Why should I have to ask permission for what to wear from anyone much less my son.

There was an insinuation,  that they accepted me, however, didn’t want me around for fear of what, their son, will have to deal with in school, etc.

My Grandson is a little over 2 years old !

SO YOU BE THE JUDGE, IS THIS FACT? OR CRAP?

I know!

FRIVOLOUS

A word characterized by lack of seriousness , sense or purpose, not worthy any more,  of serious notice!

To me, this is a moment of solemn realization, that comes crashing

in on you out of no where!

When I just typed this, for the first time, I thought about that Horse.  The one that is attached to a Carriage, and has that CARROT. dangling in front of him, and keeps, walking, running, and pushing forward, to get it.  I wonder if that horse, ever realizes that he can’t get it?  And stops going after it,  as it still dangles in front of him, knowing that,  he still loves  this  carrot, however was unreachable!

In my life at present, as pertains to my hopes, dreams aspirations, which is my carrot !

You see, it wasn’t until a few days ago, that I had to deal,  with the word frivolous.

In my life, the most important things, like love, relationships, children, friends, goals, acceptances of my self and others and especially MY FEELINGS ABOUT INFINITY – seem to be frivolous, it deeply hurts me.

DOES IT MEAN, THAT AT THIS MOMENT, I WILL GIVE UP – NO –  BUT SINCE, THE REALIZATION HITS YOU. THROUGH THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF ALL THE PEOPLE OR THINGS MENTIONED – THEY,  ARE GUILTY OF CREATING THIS FEELING WITHIN ME,  TOWARDS, THINGS OR ACTIONS,  BEING FRIVOLOUS, AND CAN’T BLAME ME,  FOR ANY OF MY ACTIONS!

DO I TRULY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT,  HOW MY CHILDREN ACCEPT AND FEEL ABOUT ME, BEING TRANSSEXUAL?

NO! NOT IN IT’S TOTALITY,  BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT CONVERSE WITH ME ABOUT IT !  HOW SAD !

WILL THEY BE ANGRY, WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THEM

 ABOVE?

MOST LIKELY

BUT ONE THING I KNOW !!!  I MUST PLAY THE CARDS AS THEY FALL

I AM

JAMIE LEE

A TRANSSEXUAL – GENETIC WOMAN

AND FOR ALL TO KNOW – I AM NOT GIVING UP YET, ON ANYTHING

thank you for reading my story