A POST DEDICATED TO TRINITY & ASHLEY – LA VITA e BELLA


” LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL”

EXPRESS YOUR SELF

horse -girl

So there is was just sitting and minding my own business, and I decided to call my, Niece Melanie, who resides in New York

We haven’t talked to each other for possibly a year, because we have been busy.

Melanie has two beautiful daughters:

Trinity & Ashley

An amazing conversation took place with Melanie saying that she was always following my Blog, an she said, that she was proud of me, and my courage!

For fighting for the rights of  myself, and Transsexual woman.

THEN TRINITY AND ASHLEY, HER DAUGHTERS TALKEED TO ME ON THE PHONE, AND SAID HOW PROUD AND ACCEPTNG THEY WERE, OF ME,  AS JAMIE LEE.

WHAT IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL, IS THE FACT THAT!

Here are two young and beautiful girls and woman, who are related to me, and have been following, me and have learned about the Transgendered Community, from the Education, which I have posted, and they both made sure to tell me that they will support, and stand up for the transgendered Community for the rest of their lives, because, they understand. 

ASHLEY & TRINITY

Thank you from the bottom of my Heart – Jamie Lee

AND THIS CURTSY IS FOR YOU – I love you guys

CURTSEY

And as Trinity said:  La Vita e Bella – LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL !

AND ONE MORE STATEMENT FROM THIS YOUNG LADY :    Express Yourself – Trin

WHY CAN’T WE BE FREE BY: JAMIE LEE


CURTSEY

 

 

MY PERSPECTIVE

 

So many of us have suffered the loss of family in becoming
the human beings we were meant to be.

There were so many times when I hesitated and questioned the cost of transition, not only the financial burden but the true cost we all pay in losing so much of our former lives,
because, others simply cannot accept that their reality isn’t necessarily our
reality.

And it is in our own reality, and not theirs, in which each of us must live in order to survive.  We have all struggled to exist in the Lie because we were all born with an identity that did not match our bodies. All of us have gone to extreme measures to help others love us by striving desperately to live their expectations for, and of, us. Some of us have even
managed to live out nearly our entire lives existing on the edge of sanity for the
sake of acceptance and what passes for love in our society.

I don’t have  that kind of strength and I discovered that I didn’t need “that kind” of
love, nor did I love anyone else so much that I was willing to sacrifice my sanity and eventually my life simply because they couldn’t accept me for who  I  am.

So I quit questioning the cost of transition because I decided that what I was really “buying” was my own life.

There’s a quote I like from a movie character that has often been satirized in the media (most often on radio shows). The movie was    “Shawshank Redemption”, the character was Red (played by Morgan Freeman) and  the quote is simply this “GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING” . I spent most of my life trying to sit on the fence between the two and what’s funny about that is that there isn’t any there!

There is life and there is death and nothing in between the two. and the choice was mine to make. There is no pain in death; it’s one of the reasons so many of us look to make it our choice. There is no love, no anger, no fear, no humiliation, no rejection, no hate, no depression, no loneliness, the list goes on for what there “isn’t” in death and it’s a very long list because it incorporates everything in life…everything.

We have all made that choice and sometimes we struggle but we’re here and that means our realities exist and are just as valid as those of the people who would deny us for the sake of their own comfort.
None of us need ever face this kind of battle again alone and isolated, nor need we ever doubt that finding our true selves and living as we choose to present ourselves is ever wrong, it isn’t. For those who find they cannot live with us as we are, then let them live without us and in time they will discover the loss and feel the; emptiness left where our love used to be.

It’s a void that cannot be filled by righteous indignation, self-serving feelings of betrayal,or immature embarrassment at the life-celebrating actions of another. It’s a
void that will last a lifetime and be felt by the generation who follows and inherits the actions of their parents.

And it is to them that we must show the most patience and love because it is through no fault of their own that they were born in an age of intolerance and self-serving egocentrism. Look to the future when your grandchildren have grown up hearing about this mystery person, maybe half remembered, which became someone else and was shunned for doing so.

I promise when they become young adults  (teenagers off to college etc.) that they will contact you because, if nothing else, the curiosity will drive them crazy. It’s then that they will come  to know You as you would like them to know you and not as those around them may have portrayed you.

You are a wonderful, courageous, and loving person so smile, knowing that we’re here and we care and make this your motto:

Noli nothis permittere te terere (Don’t let the bastards get you down).

JAMIE LEE – A Transsexual woman…………………….

THE CRYSTAL CONNECTION – WELCOMES HILLARY CLINTON


YOU GO GIRL

EVERY ONE SHOULD DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING – JAMIE LEE


When I stumbled onto this video, it made me smile, if we could all learn to Dance ! Like No One Is Watching, we would all be happier ! Ecstasy is a pretty intense drug.   Watch him dance, he is good……………………..Have fun and Dance

DANCE IN YOUR LIFE, HEART, SOUL AND SPIRIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ALL THE TIME………………… Jamie Lee

 

 

THE CRYSTAL CONNECTION WELCOMES – 4,000 – FOUR THOUSAND VISITORS – FROM 59 – DIFFERENT COUNTRIES !


I am proud to announce that the Crystal Connection, has reached 4,000 visitors, from 51 Countries around the World.

I have published 177, posts, pertaining to GLBT Education and Acceptance.  My Crystal Connection stands for Freedom,  Acceptance of all people, races and religions.  I have worked in Law Enforcement to always protect the rights of others, the rights of others that were not afforded to me in my own transition.

I an my Crystal Connection, does not accept or promote the statement that ” Our Sexuality has to be without fault ! And that must function in strict conformity with all customs & laws !  No matter how illogical they are. and how much hypocrisy they may give rise”!

Jamie-Blk-Mural-S

I PROMOTE ACCEPTANCE AND FREEDOM FOR ALL PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD!

I PROMOTE ENDING DISCRIMINATION, BULLYING, INTOLLERANCE. SEXISM, RACISM !

I BELIEVE IN RELIGIOUS FREEDOMS.

I PROMOTE EGALITARIAN PEOPLE, WHO HAVE EGALTARIAN, IDEAS ABOUT GENDER !

I WILL CONTINUE TO EDUCATE AND ADVOCATE, FOR THE GLBT COMMUNITY AND OUR FREEDOMS.  I WILL CONTINUE TO EDUCATE ABOUT THE INTERSEXED COMMUNITY.

CRYSTAL CONNECTION NON-DISCRIMINATION POLICY – 2-26-2013

I AM MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION – PROHIBIT DISCRIMINATION AGAINST, AND HARRASSMENT,

OF ANYONE BECAUSE OF RACE, COLOR, NATIONAL OR ETHNIC ORIGIN,

AGE, RELIGION, SEX, SEXUAL ORIENTATION,

GENDER IDENTITY & EXPRESSION !

There will be zero tolerance for sites that show or promote, hidden agendas, moralistic behavior, BDSM, pornography, lewd or lascivious behaviur, she-male, sissyfication,  clown porn or any disrespectful photos. 

ADVOCATCY  & EDUCATION

I have be an Advocate in the Transgendered Community for approximately 15 years, during my transition.  I attended Renaissance Transgendered support groups and even taught at them.  I have attended numerous Transgendered Conferences in the Eastern Region of Pa.  I have previously ran a Transgendered support group in the Past.  I have experience in psychology, criminal justice, Domestic Violence, Child abuse, Rape, Stalking,  and much, much more.

Business cards

RESPONSIBILITIES OF A TEACHER AND ADVOCATE IN THE GLBT-INTERSEX COMMUNITY

AS AN ADVOCATE YOU MUST BE AWARE OF WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO.  IS IT A WIFE, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, SON, DAUGHTER, OR FRIEND OF THE TRANSGENDERED INDIVIDUAL.  YOU MUST BE SENSITIVE OF THE AGE, AND GENDER.  SUICIDE IS HIGH IN OUR COMMUNITY, SO YOU MUST INSURE THAT YOU PROVIDE ACCURATE FACTS, AVIOD OPINIONS.  WE MUST REALIZE AT ALL TIMES, WE DON’T KNOW WHO IS READING OUR STORIES.

WE MUST INSURE THAT WE PROVIDE NOTHING BUT FACTS AND REALISTIC STORIES ALONG WITH EDUCATION.

MY QUALIFICATIONS

COLLEGE VILLANOVA AND PENN STATE, CRIMINAL JUSTICE, PSYCHOLOGY, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, OCCULT, RAPE, CHILD MOLESTATION, MEGAN’S LAW, OUT LAW MOTORCYCLE CLUBS, INVESTIGTIONS, SEARCH AND SEIZURE, CURTURAL AWARENESS, RACEST GROUPS, FEMALE OFFENDERS IN TREATMENT, MH/MR ISSUES, GLBT SUPPORT AND ADVOCACY, CLOSE QUARTERS COMBAT, PRESSURE POINT CONTROL, AND MUCH,  MUCH MORE.   I TAUGHT COLLEGE CLASSES, I AM A CERTIFIED TRAINER IN ANTI TERRIORISM.  I WAS A PRIVATE DETECTIVE, ALONG WITH 30 YRS LAW ENFORCEMENT. 

THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY UPCOMMING BOOK WAS COMPLETED BY: WRITER, PLAYWRITE, AND AUTHOR. LISA BUFFINGTON !

SHE AND I ARE TEAMING UP FOR A PROJECT IN PUBLIC SPEAKING, WHICH WILL COVER MANY TOPICS, INCLUDING GLBT, INTOLLERANCE, DISCRIMINATION AND ALOT MORE !

I HAVE BEEN RECENTLY RECRUTED BY A MODELING AGENCY, AS A MODEL, ACTOR,  AND VOICE OVER.  I HAVE ATTENDED THE PA. MODEL & TALENT EXPO, ON CAMERA WORKSHOPS, ETC.

FINALLY I MAKE THIS OFFER.  IF ANYONE THAT VISITS MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION,  HAS ANYONE, HUSBAND, WIFE, CHILD, SIGNIFICANT OTHER, WHO NEEDS HELP, REFERENCES, SUPPORT, OR ADVICE.

PLEASE CONTACT ME

Jamie Lee – Crystal Connection

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GAZEBO – LIFE – DEATH – MY FREEDOM – MY RELATIVES


A SECRET

A SECRET!  WHEN ONE PERSON KNOWS , IT STILL MAY BE A SECRET!

WHEN TWO PEOPLE KNOW, THE WORLD KNOWS!

IN LIFE COMES DEATH – IN DEATH COMES LIFE – FREEDOM & ACCEPTANCE

DON’T LET BE DIE-WITHOUT LETTING ME LIVE

JAMIE LEE

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Pintrest your journey

THE LAST WEEK HAS BEEN VERY TRYING, AND INTENSE FOR ME.    LISA BUFFINGTON – A POET, PLAYWRITE, WRITER, AND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE,  HAS COMPLETED THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY BOOK,  SHE IS WRITING ABOUT MY LIFE!

THE MODELING AGENCY, WHO RECRUTED ME, IS NOW SETTING IT UP,  FOR ME, TO GO BEFORE, A CASTING DIRECTOR, IN MODELING AND ACTING.

LISA BUFFINGTON,  AND I,  ARE MAKING ARRANGEMENTS,  TO DO PUBLIC SPEAKING, IN SCHOOLS, COLLEGES, AND PRIVATE COMPANIES.

AND THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, I HEARD,  ABOUT THE DEATH OF A VERY CLOSE UNCLE, OF MINE!   AND,  I WENT TO HIS FUNERAL WITH,  MY WIFE,  ON SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2ND 2013,  AND THEN,  AFTERWARDS , A FUNCTION  WAS HELD , AT A LOCAL FIRE COMPANY.

HE HAPPENED TO BE ONE OF THE CLOSEST TO ME,  DURING MY LIFE. HE AND I HAD A BOND,  THAT CAN’T BE EXPLAINED IN COMMON WORDS.  I RESPECTED HIM AND HE RESPECTED ME.   I LOVED HIM AND HE LOVED ME.

My mother, had 4 other Sisters, and five brothers, so I was fortunate, to have many relatives, WHO were VERY close, and all loved each other!  And,  that did not include all my Cousins,  and then their children , everyone had integrity, and cared about each other.   And through out the years our bonds  were very,  very close!

SO HERE I WAS,  DRESSED IN DRAG AS A GUY.  MANY RELATIVES WERE THERE.  IT ALMOST FELT LIKE A FAMILY REUNION.

AS I WAS SITTING THERE, I FELT MANY SUTLE EYES, GLANCING TOWARDS ME.    AND WHEN I WALKED UP TO THE BAR FOR A DRINK, ONE OF MY COUSINS SAID TO ME:  “SO IS IT TRUE, WHAT I AM HEARING ABOUT YOU?”   I REPLIED “YES” 

WE HAD A WONDERFULL CONVERSATION.  IN FACT IT WAS MORE THAN WONDERFUL, IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CONVERSATION!

SO NEEDLESS TO SAY,  WORD SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE, AND,  I HAD MORE OF MY RELATIVES COMMING TO ME, AND ASKING.  SO I TOLD THEM!

THIS MORNING WHEN I LOOKED AT MY E-MAIL, THERE I SAW ONE FROM MY COUSIN, AND IT READS AS FOLLOWS:

Names have been changed to protect the innocent !!!

Hi Jamie,

Wow!  It’s been a long time and a lot has changed.  I am sure you know which cousin I am because I don’t think there is another Cindy but just in case, Kate and Sam’s Cindy

Over the past few years I have heard about what you are going through and today was able to find your website/blog.  I will not begin to say I understand what you are going through, however, I learned a lot from visiting your website.

I do not pass judgment and truly wish you well.  After reading your journey etc., my heart was broken and I was left feeling very sad.  It is a difficult situation to be in, especially after living a tortured life with such a big secret.  I can’t even imagine what you went through (especially as a child) all of those years, but I give you a lot of credit for being a great person and living a good life.  Most of all, I have the utmost respect for you “coming out.”  That’s really the only way to freedom.  Hopefully, one day you will be accepted for who you are today and live the life you have only dreamed about.

For the most part I am a very busy person.   I work a 40 hour job and more at times, am raising my almost 11 year old grandson (we adopted), who suffers from PTSD and a magnitude of other problems and just don’t have a lot of free time.  With that said, I would love to chat with you via email.  I don’t do Facebook etc.  Too busy.  I would like to offer my support and lend an ear when you need one.

You were always my favorite guy cousin and I will miss Jim, but am certain I would like Jamie just as much and who knows, maybe even more. Jaime, you deserve to be happy.  Hang in there, stay strong and write back!   Take care of yourself.  Got to get the kid to bed………………..

Sending My Love,

Cindy

AND TO HER I SAY!!!!    OMG,  THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KIND AND LOVING E-MAIL!   YOU DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA, HOW YOUR WORDS MADE ME FEEL.   I REALLY DIDN’T FEEL YOU WOULD HAVE SAID ANYTHING DIFFERENT!   THANK YOU AGAIN,  SO VERY MUCH…………………………………………………J

SO IT IS TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A STATMENT TO MY RELATIVES

AS YOU VISIT MY BLOG AND GET TO KNOW ME REMEMBER I AM THE SAME PERSON

I AM THE SAME PERSON WHOM YOU’VE KNOWN AND LOVED,  AS I LOVED YOU!

JUST IN DIFFERENT CLOTHS

SOME OF YOU MAY LAUGH, SOME OF YOU MAY GIGGLE

SOME OF YOU WILL MAKE CHARACHTER JUDGEMENTS

SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE QUESTIONS, WHICH I PROUDLY WILL ANSWER

AND I TRULY FEEL THAT,  ALL OF YOU WILL EMBRACE, LOVE AND ACCEPT ME,  FOR WHO I HAVE BEEN SINCE BIRTH

AND LASTELY REMEMBER THIS!

I FEEL BLESSED IN MY LIFE TO HAVE RELATIVES LIKE YOU!

I LOVE YOU ALL

JAMIE LEE

A/K/A

JIM

LASTLY ALL OF YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I MADE UP

IT WAS CAUSED BY GENETICS

THE MOMENT I STEPPED INTO THE GAZEBO, IN THE PHOTO ABOVE, I SCREAMED TO THE WORLD THAT I WAS FREE

FOR INFINITY

CURTSEY

POST # 2 – A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!!


Jamie-standing

THERE IS NO RULES FOR US AS TRANSSEXUALS!    I FEEL THAT THERE ARE SOCIATAL RULES FOR A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,  AS WELL AS WELL AS THE CONDUCT OF THE GAY AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE! 

   WHEN I WAS BORN,  THERE WAS NO INSTRUCTIONS,  THAT CAME WITH THE PACKAGE.  THERE WERE NO RULES,  AS WELL AS A “BOOK OF “HOYLE” , THAT CAME ALONG WITH THE PARAMATERS OF THE GAME.

      A book of Hoyle   Contains all the Games Played in the United States, with Rules, Descriptions, and Technicalities Adapted to the American Methods of Playing!

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying, that in life there is structured rules for the behaviorisms of the Heterosexual Relationships , however there are certain paths that are obvious!

Meet, date, marry, have children, walk hand in hand, arms around each other, have children, go dancing, be a  women attend to their hair,  and beauty, along with the rest.  Men watch sports, go hunting, fishing, work, be a law abiding citizen. look at photos of their marriage or life, reminisce, raise their children, grow old together, and then die!

You get the point!

Now to Cross dressers & Transsexuals

Again, understand the difference between the two:  Cross dressers have feminine feelings, like to dress on occasion as woman, can take the cloths off, and life goes on!  Typically these individuals are in healthy, Heterosexual Relationships.

Transsexuals on the other hand, were dealt the fate, to be born in the wrong body, have a core value of femininity, which is a life long struggle do deal with, and to come to terms with,  in their own self-acceptance.  Our brains are that of a natal woman, but our bodies don’t match.  The cause of this, to-date is from GENETICS

Now, what are the rules for us?  There are none!  We were born with no instructions, directions or rules, we have to fly by the seat of our pants, and usually on one engine

There is no one that can teach us, so we seek the comfort of  others in the same dilemma, for those answers!

Now I will say some things before I get back to the topic of my children!   As a male,  I have done all the things I stated above, in the heterosexual rules.

Don’t get me wrong,  I would not replace a thing, that I experienced.   As a male, I met my wife, (which by the way will be the topic of, my next progressive post ) Message to my children:  I loved her, I wanted to get married, I wanted Children! Especially YOU!

I am getting emotional – so I need this song to bring me back!

A song that I have listened too so many times

BECAUSE IT IS HOW I FEEL

BACK TO REALITY !!!!!  And my story, and my feelings, hopes dreams and aspirations…………………………….

TO MAKE A POINT!  I COVERED ABOVE THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOURISMS, OF A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP!

When I was delivered, the Doctor slapped ME, when in fact,  he should have slapped,  the shit out of my Mother for giving birth to me!

I didn’t know what my fate was as a baby.  It wasn’t until the age of 5-7 years old,  that I realized, I was different! And initially I didn’t know what extreme trauma would accompany that!  Could I exist? NO!  So I had to learn at that young age to HIDE!  So I hid!  And I grew up into adolescence and hid.  I grew as a teenager and I hid.  I went into the Military and hid.  I went into Law Enforcement and I continued to hide, even into the beginning of my marriage.  I was highly trained in the Art of hiding!  For fear of  being hurt!  I was a highly trained “NINJA” in the Art of hiding, and deception, and lack of courage, to deal with the dynamics of who I was, and born to be by the grace of GOD!  I couldn’t dance as Jamie, I couldn’t live as Jamie, I couldn’t sing as Jamie, watch sports, TV, hold hands, and experience life as Jamie!      Jamie had to hide !  What she did best !

IT IS NOW, THAT I WANT TO INTERJECT SOMETHING, WHICH I PRAY TO GOD WILL INSTILL A REALIZATION INTO MY WIFE, CHILDREN, LOVED ONE’S AND FRIENDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND TO THE MAJORITY OF SOCIETY,  WHO DENIES ME !!

I WANT YOU !  TO STUDY THIS PHOTO BELOW!

I WANT YOU TO SHOW THE RESPECT AND,  STUDY IT CLOSELY !!

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Incarceration is compared,  to the years of being incarcerated.   A person who has received a life sentence, and spent say approximately 30 years in prison, can become dependent and institutionalized.   If they are fortunate enough to be Pardoned, and step out into Society, it can be surreal and even traumatizing. 

I COMPARE MY OWN LIFE, AS BEING INCARCERATED

for so many reasons

What this photo above means to me and about me, is the surreal feelings, the feeling of being released from incarceration, of who I was inside and meant to be. 

When I saw this Gazebo in the middle of the Park

I didn’t have fore thought about,  what I was about to do

It was like I was driven by some unknown force, whether, it be a God or a Goddess, or just a divine intervention

I just walked to the middle of it, threw up my arms, and screamed at the top of my voice!

I AM JAMIE LEE AND I AM FREE !!!!!!!!!

I wasn’t thinking about loved ones,  friends,  foes or anything else.   I was thinking about ME!  JUST ME!

It was almost was like, I felt at birth – I was reborn – I felt like a woman,  in it’s divine totality, I felt the beauty of the Estrogen,  flowing in my body, Soul and Spirit-I finally felt freedom, and completeness,  even if it was,  for a short period of time.  It was euphoric!

In hind-sight, I wish I knew, what the other people in, voice range, in the Park,  thought, when the heard me yell that!

I have been living with a pink elephant, in the living room,  for far too long.  My family, at times supportive, and at other times wanting me to just keep things status quo, and, to avoid the conflict of my transition.  My transition is not a choice, it’s a fact,  and even during times when we don’t talk about it,  which is unfortunately more often than not, the issue is there, always like that big pink elephant that we all know is there,  but refuse to acknowledge.  I have a son in law that doesn’t even know I am transgendered.  My daughter has told me over and over again that she supports me and loves me no matter what,  but then on the other hand,  says that we can’t tell her husband or his family because they “won’t understand”.  My daughter seems to feel that it is better to protect her husband,  and in-laws from my reality,  but is it really?

Eventually the truth will come out, it has to,  and when it does,  I am afraid they will feel betrayed,  when they find out that she knew all along,  and hid it from them.  She says she supports and accepts,  me but lies to her husband, her partner in life about her own parent?  I wish she could understand that,  not only does this forced double life hurt me, it is very likely to hurt her marriage,  because of her lies.

My son’s wife and I were really close at one time, having long conversations about being transgendered,  and also about my transitioning.  She seemed very interested and understanding.  I thought we had a very close relationship,  until I found out that at a party,  she was telling other people including my wife,  that I was talking about my blog,  and about what I blog about,  which is transgendered issues.  This caused a huge conflict within the family and left me feeling very betrayed.  How can she tell me over and over that she understands,  and that she supports me,  and then go behind my back like that?

Which is true?  Did she mean it when she said she understood and accepted me?,  or does she really think I am wrong?  It has hurt my trust in her.  This has also perpetuated some problems between my son and I .  He asked me if I wanted to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving and as soon as I said ‘sure, just let me get changed” he said that if I was going to go “dressed” as Jamie then he didn’t want to go.  How disappointed I was, that he was embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with me.  I wish I could make him understand that Jamie, is me,   I don’t “dress as” Jamie.  In the future to their homes, but I do plan,  to just get in the car and stop asking for permission to be who I am.  Why should I have to ask permission for what to wear from anyone much less my son.

There was an insinuation,  that they accepted me, however, didn’t want me around for fear of what, their son, will have to deal with in school, etc.

My Grandson is a little over 2 years old !

SO YOU BE THE JUDGE, IS THIS FACT? OR CRAP?

I know!

FRIVOLOUS

A word characterized by lack of seriousness , sense or purpose, not worthy any more,  of serious notice!

To me, this is a moment of solemn realization, that comes crashing

in on you out of no where!

When I just typed this, for the first time, I thought about that Horse.  The one that is attached to a Carriage, and has that CARROT. dangling in front of him, and keeps, walking, running, and pushing forward, to get it.  I wonder if that horse, ever realizes that he can’t get it?  And stops going after it,  as it still dangles in front of him, knowing that,  he still loves  this  carrot, however was unreachable!

In my life at present, as pertains to my hopes, dreams aspirations, which is my carrot !

You see, it wasn’t until a few days ago, that I had to deal,  with the word frivolous.

In my life, the most important things, like love, relationships, children, friends, goals, acceptances of my self and others and especially MY FEELINGS ABOUT INFINITY – seem to be frivolous, it deeply hurts me.

DOES IT MEAN, THAT AT THIS MOMENT, I WILL GIVE UP – NO –  BUT SINCE, THE REALIZATION HITS YOU. THROUGH THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF ALL THE PEOPLE OR THINGS MENTIONED – THEY,  ARE GUILTY OF CREATING THIS FEELING WITHIN ME,  TOWARDS, THINGS OR ACTIONS,  BEING FRIVOLOUS, AND CAN’T BLAME ME,  FOR ANY OF MY ACTIONS!

DO I TRULY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT,  HOW MY CHILDREN ACCEPT AND FEEL ABOUT ME, BEING TRANSSEXUAL?

NO! NOT IN IT’S TOTALITY,  BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT CONVERSE WITH ME ABOUT IT !  HOW SAD !

WILL THEY BE ANGRY, WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THEM

 ABOVE?

MOST LIKELY

BUT ONE THING I KNOW !!!  I MUST PLAY THE CARDS AS THEY FALL

I AM

JAMIE LEE

A TRANSSEXUAL – GENETIC WOMAN

AND FOR ALL TO KNOW – I AM NOT GIVING UP YET, ON ANYTHING

thank you for reading my story