You are sweating. You have been working like a dog and have not let up in a very long time. The sun is beating down on you and you know the only reprieve is in that ice cold pool where you just barely can keep your head above water. Doggie paddle be damned, you know you want in. You also know that once you take that leap,you realize just moments before you hit the water, that there’s no turning back. Once your body is swallowed by the frigid liquid, it hurts and then goes numb as you launch yourself back up to the waters surface. Then the sensation changes and you start to feel yourself cooling down. Relief has finally found it’s way to you. Every muscle pulls the coolness into the highway of veins and your core finally tells your brain that the system is no longer overheating.
I feel like right now I’m baking in the sun. My life is on fire and I need to jump but am so afraid of that initial shock that I forget what will be on the other side. Perhaps the shock will last longer than expected. Perhaps I will want to bolt the hell out after because it’s too damn cold. We all focus so much on the immediate pain that we forget to look forward into what the reward might be.
It took me forever to get back into the gym. I wanted to work out, but I didn’t want to be sore or tired. I didn’t have the time. I will never have the time. But somehow, I am figuring it out and getting there. I am already seeing some results, but also, it’s getting easier. Not the workouts, but the recovery. I feel better and better each time afterwards. It may be painful and hard, but the rewards are so wonderful, and the more you do it, the better you feel and then you look for more time to do it.
I want to jump so bad. I want to change so many things about my life and with each passing day I can feel the heat get closer. I feel my desire to change pull me in new directions. My fear of change and fear of disappointing others is what is standing in my way.
Today my goal is figuring out what it truly is that I want, and then, where do I go to get there. There is no question of IF I can, because it all has been done before. The question is when. Even if I have to doggie paddle afterwards, I’m going.
ON NOVEMBER 14TH, 2012, I AM HONORED AND PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT, I AM GOING TO BE THE SPECIAL GUEST ON THE RADIO SHOW, FROM 8 PM – 10 PM, WEDNESDAY NIGHT. THIS RADIO SHOW IS HOSTED BY, THE GREAT RADIO PERSONALITY – SHANNON MARCUS MC ALISTER………………
Come join me, and, the Host Shanon McAlister, on Fired Up, Wednesday from 8pm to 10pm, November 14th, where we’ll be talking about passions in life, overcoming obstacles, community, the arts and giving of self . And we want to hear from YOU!
I owe this opportunity to appear in person on this Radio Show, to Shanon McAlister, and, especially to my Dear friends, Brian and Carolyn Reed,who have made this possible. Thank you so very much.
Don’t forget to Brian’s site (http://www.lucidasylum.com)
Brian, specializes in dresses and other apparel, stickers and accessories which can be seen at the lucid asylum site and boutique. He also has a special section for GLBT apparel…..Please visit.
Also, Carolyn has a very special Blog (http://syrinxasylum.com) This is a very special site, where you can see her art, and compassionate storied of her life.
PLEASE TUNE IN TO THE RADIO SHOW ON WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14th, 2012, 8-10 PM on Fired Up…………
JAMIE LEE…………MISTRESS OF MY OWN DESTINY
So here I am again, twice in one week, sitting here, just minding my own Business, and along comes this bitch. named “SANDY’! She happens to be a T.V. personality right now. Everyone is watching her. And, GUESS WHAT? Without calling first, she is coming to visit me. Now, typically I would welcome a new friendship! This is the first “Sandy” in my life, that I don’t want to meet, see, visit, think about, talk to, communicate with, or even have contact!
SO NOW ” SANDY” HAS FORCED ME TO CALL IN “MY FLYING MONKEYS”, AND ALSO, A WARNING TO HER, FROM MY RABBIT !!!!
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING SANDY !!! TURN AWAY NOW! GO OUT TO SEA
WHERE YOU BELONG! DO NOT “RAIN” ON
JAMIE LEE’S PARADE
OR, YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF ME !!
” THE RABBIT”
WRITER. PFLAG MOM. ADVOCATE.
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