APPROVE SAME SEX MARRAGE-THIS IS AMAZING-JAMIE LEE


WONDERFULLY STATED…………………………………….JAMIE LEE

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—– GAZEBO – LIFE – DEATH – MY FREEDOM – MY RELATIVES – THEIR RESPONSES-NUMBER 2


lgbt logo 10

THIS IS THE SECOND POST , RELATING TO MY RELATIVES.  IT IS ESPECIALLY EDUCATIONAL FOR THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY, IN REFERENCE TO OUR ACCEPTANCE.  IT SHOWS THAT THERE IS A MANNER TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT US, WITH RESPECT AND DIGNITY.  DON’T JUST THROW YOURSELF AT PEOPLE.

WHAT IS OCCURING HERE,  IS ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS,  IN MY LIFE.  THE ONLY THING I AM SAD ABOUT, IS NOT COMMING OUT SOONER.

THESE RELATIVES ARE VERY CLOSE TO ME.  AND THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SPECIAL!  THESE ARE THE REPONSES I AM GETTING:

From: Cindy

Date: Wed, Feb 6, 2013 at 10:32 PM

Subject: Hello!

Just wanted to say Hi! and let you know that I was thinking about you.  By the way, I like your pictures, you look great!  I will keep reading your blog, when time allows.

I actually found out that you had a blog from my mother because Diane talked to Sharon and my Mom at the funeral for Uncle Ron.  So, I was curious and goggled your blog and was impressed with it.  When I find time I want to read more so that I can educate my self and understand what you went through and continue to go through.  You did a great job with the website!  I really enjoyed reading your story/journal and have learned a lot just from that.

I am sorry that your children are not accepting.  From what I read, it seems like they want to keep it quiet from their friends and family.  It must be hard for them.  How is “M” with all of this?  If I am getting too personal, please let me know.  I will not be insulted, but just was curious because I am sure it was or is hard for her.

I am going to my Mother’s house with Dakota on Saturday and would love to get together with you, if that is ok or you fill up to it.  We could meet at the Coventry Mall, shop and have lunch.  And yes, you can dress like Jamie.  Think about it.  I would really like to see you, keep in touch and give you the support you deserve.  I think we could have a really good time, but if you’re not up to it, I really understand.  Just let me know by Friday night if you can.

Take Care,

Cindy

From: Cindy

Date: Wed, Feb 6, 2013 at 11:06 PM

Subject: Hey, Hey, Hey!

I just sent you an email and went on to your website afterword.  Guess I should have done things in reverse!  Thanks for posting my emails.  You are probably fighting a different battle when it comes to relatives not willing to accept you for who you are.  This is a tough subject for the average person.

I work for a really strict company, but truly have fun going to work every day.  My company will not tolerate negative comments about race, religion, sexual preference etc.  We have quite a few gay people at work, which can be difficult at times.  The minute an inappropriate comment is made it is dealt with.  We just can’t do it.  It has definitely taught all of us that everyone is different; we don’t have to like someone, but have to keep our thoughts to ourselves and/or accept the person.  I really love my job and the policies put in place.  They really protect each and every one of us.  Just thought I would pass this on.

Anyhow, you are in one hell of a tough situation.  Most people, especially older ones are set in their ways and just don’t get it or are not willing to try to understand something like this.  You know that.  Most people for the most part are not able to adapt to change very well.  My company works with us to achieve acceptance, change, etc.  I am proud of myself to have achieved understanding of people that are different from me (we have different culture events), accepting people for who they are, and not being judgmental.  Trust me, I would not be working there if I thought or did anything against our policies.  This is definitely a job that I truly enjoy going to each and every day.

By the way, would it be okay to call you sometime soon?  It’s okay sending emails, but I would really like to talk to you.  Promise me that you will consider lunch/shopping.  I need a few things, but would settle for lunch.   Boy, once I get started, I just don’t stop talking.  I was called “Chatty Cathy” as a child.  Stay in touch.

Take Care,

Cindy

MY RESPONSE TO HER:

By the way, No question is too personal. It would be fun getting together with you   You can e-mail, you can call , You can be my friend.  You would be amazed at the things that are occurring.   Hey I sent Carol and Diane my blog, and am asking that they respond with their comments and opinions.   It’s important.  I will also post it on my blog.   Maybe I can teach you some make-up tips!   Just kidding.  I would love to go to lunch or shopping with you………..WHO PAYS?    Ha ha       My autograph is actually on sale for two weeks.

Everything depends on this storm that is hitting us tonight into tomorrow.

Please keep in touch..

If you want call me tonight………….. After 6:30 p.m.  Or another night.

Chatty Cathy, hmmmmmmmmmmm.  Interesting………………..

Jamie Lee

I ASK THAT PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT HER COMPANY POLICIES!    WE ARE MOVING FORWARD IN OUR FREEDOM AND ACCEPTANCE.

THE NEXT FEW MONTHS ARE SPECIAL TO ME.  LISA BUFFINGTON AND I ARE TEAMING UP TO DO “PUBLIC SPEAKING” IN BUSINESSES, COLLEGES, AND SCHOOLS.    IT WILL BE ABOUT DISCRIMINATION, SEXISM, TOLERENCE AND WISDOM !!

ALSO, I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT VERY SOON MY BLOG WILL HAVE BEEN VISITED BY 4000 PEOPLE, FROM OVER 50 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES,  AROUND THE WORLD!  THANK YOU ALL !!!!!

AND LASTLY, TO ALL MY RELATIVES WHO DO VISIT THIS CRYSTAL CONNECTION, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE.    REMEMBER THIS!   I WAS BORN THIS WAY, THE PERSON, YOU HAVE KNOWN IS ONLY DRESSED DIFFERENTLY!

JAMIE LEE

A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!! POST #1


 This post was inspired by my own thoughts and feelings!

Which, inspired me, to realize,  that it is time, to talk about my children!

MY WIFE, MY FAMILY & LOVED ONES

This is going to be one of the most intense posts I have written so far!

It will be a time line of sort!

Of people, places and things!

Because it is time to talk about things!

I have been holding off doing, because of my own fears!

Society is not first, and foremost in my life anymore!

My family, loved ones, friends are!

BUT! I must feel, that I can write freely, without censorship!  and anyone misinterpreting my words!

If you do, please show me the, respect and courtesy, to ask me what I meant!

 HOW DARE YOU ALLOW ME TO DIE !  WITHOUT ALLOWING ME TO LIVE

A quote from:  Jamie Lee

cropped patio

ME-MY LONELINESS

From Childhood’s hour I have not been as others were – I have not seen as others saw – I could not bring my passions from a common spring!   EDGAR ALLEN POE

    LONELY, AFRAID, ANGRY, CONFUSED, SECLUDED, INCARCERATED, DEPRESSED, TORTURED, TRAUMATIZED, FRUSTRATED,       MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY EXAUSTED, AND INCOMPLETE!

These are all real words to me!  When was the last time that you felt them all at the same time?

SEXUALITY & GENDER:  OUR SEXUALITY HAS TO BE WITHOUT FAULT!  IT MUST FUNCTION IN STRICT CONFORMITY WITH ALL CUSTOMS & LAWS!  NO MATTER HOW ILLOGICAL THEY ARE AND HOW MUCH HYPOCRICY THEY MAY GIVE RISE!

To be honest I am sick and tired, I am exhausted, I am fed up, I am pissed off,  by constantly being pissed on.  I am tired of the “Me Generation”  I am tired of constantly trying to prove myself to everyone, but not to myself.   Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven’s Door!  I am tired of hatred, discrimination, racism, hatred of cultures and religion, intolerance and deception!  I am weary of surviving.  It seems we are constantly being controlled by the Educated Derelicts of our World

.My philosophy is:

 ” It’s better to be, tried by 12, than carried by 6″ 

I am dealing with constant P.T.S.D, from my 30 years of Law-enforcement and going through what I did, dealing with the Dredges Of Society!  Standing on the Edge of the Abyss, to PROTECT YOU!   After being spun, folded and mutated, by the very Society that shuns ME!  I PLACED MY LIFE,  IN DANGER, EVERY DAY, FOR THE SAME ASS HOLES, WHO WON’T ACCEPT ME AS, WHO I AM, AND WHO I WAS BORN TO BE  !!!!!!!!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF

YOU ARE PATHETIC

AND NOW ABOUT MY CHILDREN

I raised my children with the following expectations and  Philosophy’s :  Stand up for yourselves, and never be taken advantage of.  Be the best you can be and anything!  Failing is OK, get up and go again.  Have a understanding of Morals, especially, your own!  Do not be a Racist, sexist or hypocrite!  Always have an open mind.  Respect people, places and things, as you want to be respected.  Live your life with integrity.  Make your own, children proud to follow in your footsteps.    DO NOT Discriminate!  Never show intolerance.  Always care about the feelings of others.  Respect cultures, religion and humanistic values!  If you don’t understand, educate your self before you make any decision!   For the purpose of this post I am writing about my expectations.  I was gifted and fortunate in life, to have a wife that believed in the same values and expectations.

Most importantly, we taught them about treating people compassionately, with their diversities, whether, it be handicaps, physical abnormalities, or skills, abilities and education !   Respect other peoples opinions and views……..!

And to be honest!  I am pretty damn proud of them!  Where they have gone, with their Careers, relationships, and goals!   I couldn’t ask for anything more, at least at the time, I felt that way.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT THE INTENSITY, PAIN AND SUFFERING, ALONG WITH ACCEPTANCE, UNDERSTANDING AND TREATEMENT OF US AS TRANSSEXUALS, IS GENERATIONAL.  WE AS OLDER TRANSEXXUALS, HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH,  MORE STRUGGLES TO TRANSITION, THEN THE YOUNGER, TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….!

They can transition into their lives!  We have lived our lives, under constant fear, that we would lose the most precious things to us, our parents, our brothers & sisters, our Wives, our relationships, our significant others, our loved ones, our friends, and our children.  You see, we must transition into a life that we have already built, through our own trials and tribulations, fears and expectations.  And our own self-Acceptance.   It is not easy, in fact it is a nightmare, which no typical human being could fathom, or understand.

Now, back to the topic of my children!   Since the moment and time that I told my children that I was a transsexual, does anyone think that I was stupid enough not to understand the dynamics, that came along with that!  First was their reaction, and acceptance of me.  When I told each one of my two children the were in their late 20’s, my son and my daughter.  They both embraced me at that moment, and said it was OK.  It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

BUT, did they think for a moment, that I wasn’t aware, and conscious, concerning their ability’s and capabilities to understand?  Of course I was, I had to live through all the dilemma of exposing myself to them.  I knew, if I did, when they were children, that I could have changed their lives in so many ways.  Tragic in many ways.   Do they think I didn’t understand, especially back then, how they would have been ridiculed, laughed at, embarrassed, and humiliated by their friends and peers, knowing that their father was a Transsexual?   I did! Ever so intensely and painfully.  I did what any parent would do!  Protect them!  Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was right, but it was a choice.   Plus, how could I expect them, or anyone else to understand,  this shit back then, when I didn’t understand myself.   My God what a dilemma!  I felt like a mentally ill,  freak of nature.   Since childhood!

NOW MY CHILDREN ARE IN THEIR 30’s, MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. DECENT HUSBANDS AND WIFES, JOBS THAT HAVE PROFESSIONALISM AND INTEGRITY.   THEY ARE LEARNING ABOUT THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LIFE, AND THE COLERATAL DAMAGE, OF  SICK AND UNMORALISTIC SOCIETY, WHICH IS ALL WE HERE ABOUT , DISCRIMINATION, INTOLERANCE,  AND DEATH OF INNOCENT CHILDREN ND ADULTS.   THE FILTH AND THE DEGRIDATION,  OF THE DREDGES OF SOCIETY, WHICH IS ON TV, AND PROMOTED FOR THE ENJOYMENT, OF SOME SORT OF PATHETIC AUDIENCE!   RE: THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW, THE USE OF INNOCENT CHILDREN , AND ALL THE REST,  TO GAIN RATINGS, FOR MONETARY GAIN! AND ARE CAPABLE OF UTILIZING INNOCENT CHILDREN!

We all are reaching our toleration, of greedy and filthy Politicians, who only have their own hidden Agendas.  We are in a war, with people and Cultures we don’t understand.  We tend to feel that WE as Americans, are the only, life forms that deserve to exist.  Economy sucks, gas prices suck, The bullshit that is fed to us by our own Government sucks. Gun control sucks, because there IS an easy answer, DO BACKGROUND CHECKS!  When a Convicted Felon, Is found in possession, incarcerate him for 50 years.  Or better yet, pry the gun from “HIS Cold Dead Hands”  Don’t penalize the respectful, law abiding Citizens!   Give more power to deal with Metal health, Disorders who are capable of hurting their selves, or especially others!!

Criminals have rights! VICTIMS HAVE NONE!  Holy shit!  Something is wrong with us!

GO, figure that all the Pharmaceutical Company’s have jumped aboard the band wagon to make money at the demise of people.  There is a pill now available that cures any ailment, and at the same time can destroy, your liver, kidney’s, make you nauseous, dizzy, suicidal, and potentially a basket comatose case!

I love the one about Cialis, and Viagra!   Guys, this IS you love potion of today.  You no longer have to use you brain to get turned on,  by a beautiful woman!  You can just pop this magical, pill.  That will put a mile on her face!  Jesus Christ, you even have the propensity to have a, 4 hour erection! 

I would have been happy in my life, to have one last for more that 15 minutes. Damn,  4 hours, I would have been floating down a river, with a smile on my face, yelling “OPEN THE DRAW BRIDGE”!                    This may be funny, but it is grossly pathetic……………..!

SO BACK TO MY CHILDREN!  I THINK I HAVE GOTTEN THE POINT, ACROSS,  OF WHAT,  I WAS SAYING ABOVE !  AT LEAST I HOPE!

What should I expect of my Children, in my life right now?   And,  should I expect anything?

WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT,  FROM MY CHILDREN ?      I AT LEAST EXPECT THE FOLLOWING:  

1.    Respect

2.   I expect that they, at least research on occasion,  and learn about the dynamics of the Transgendered Community.

3.    I expect that they begin to understand,  what I have given up in my life, to give them ONE!

4.    I expect that they, don’t ignore me and have a conversation once and awhile !

5.    I expect that they at least try to begin to understand who I am, and the genetics, surrounding it.

6.    I expect that they show courage.

7.    I expect they don’t shun me……….

8.   I expect that they don’t, demand a pity party!

(Along the way,  I may edit this list on occasion, and add things}

I know that they are afraid of acknowledging me, because they are embarrassed and afraid of, what their, peers, co-workers, and others,  will say to them!  And I don’t expect them to allow me to rain on their Parade, either.  But at least, love and respect me, for having the courage to do what I am doing.

I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT TELLING THEM ABOUT ME BEING TRANSSEXUAL,  IS TOO STRESS FULL, FOR THEM!   THEY ARE IN THEIR 30’S, THIS SURE ISN’T THE FIRST TIME, THEY HEARD ABOUT THE GAY, LESBIAN AND TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE……….HOWEVER, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT CAME CLOSE TO HOME !   AND BY THE WAY, IF IT IS TOTALLY TRUE THAT TRANSSEXUALITY,  IS DUE TO GENETICS, THEN THEY HAD BETTER, COME TO TERMS WITH IT,  FOR THEIR OWN CONCERNS,  AS WELL AS THEIR CHILDREN’S !!

JAMIE LEE

Blaxk Rose

TSA SECURITY CHECK-POINT – RECOMMENDATIONS BY JAMIE LEE


THERE IS NOTHING MORE UN-NEARVING, NOW-A DAYS, THEN FLYING, AND HAVING TO  GO, THROUGH THE TSA SECURITY CHECK POINT!  BUT TODAY IT IS A NECESSARY EVIL.   BELOW ARE MY RECOMMENATIONS, TO MAKE YOUR TRIP AND EXPERIENCE EASIER.

Jamie-standing

FIRST AND FORMOST, I WISH TO TALK ABOUT THE TSA SECURITY STAFF!   THE MAJORITY OF THEM, ARE HARD WORKING, DEDICATED AND PROFESSIONAL INDIVIDUALS.  THEY DEAL WITH, TRYING TO PROTECT THE FLYING PUBLIC, TO KEEP THEM SAFE TO, REACH THEIR FINAL DESTINATION, IN A WORLD WERE PEOPLE WANT TO KILL US.  THEY HAVE THEIR PROCEEDURES.  REMEMBER:  RESPECT BEGETS RESPECT!  THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS.  TREAT THEM WITH DIGNITY. AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED !  JAMIE LEE…………….

 

MY ADVICE AND RECOMMENDTIONS BELOW ARE FOR THE TRANSGENDERED INDIVIDUALS, GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS OF THE CHECK POINT.

ANY QUESTIONS OR FOR FUTHER ADVICE E-MAIL ME AT,  jlcrystalconnection@gmail.com 

FLYING FOR THE TRANSGENDERED PUBLIC:

1.  Go on to TSA’s website and check for any updates, in reference to what you are allowed to take, and any changes, etc.

2.  At any TSA check point there are the TSA Officers,  listen to them, they are trained to get you through the process as easily as possible.  Don’t argue with them, it is not their rules, they are just enforcing the mandates.  As a Transgendered traveler, should you experience any type, of rude or disrespectful actions, ask to see a Supervisor at the Check point.  If the Supervisor doesn’t solve your problem or is disrespectful to you as a person or being transgendered, ask for a manager!

3.  Every Check point has complaint forms, if you have been treated unprofessionally, ask the Supervisor for one of these forms, fill it out and send it to TSA. They do listen!

4.  Also they have forms that you can fill out, and compliment, the Officer or staff who treated you with dignity and respect in the process!  Everyone likes a compliment for nice things.  Plus it would help, TSA learn how to deal with us, as Transgendered people.

5.  Unless it has changed, you are only allowed to carry through the Check point, 3.4 oz of any liquid.  Girls this means in your “tits” also!   Leave the “Bird Seed and Water filled Breasts at home.    Silicone Breast forms I am unsure of?

 Butt forms, and any other paraphernalia, including any strap-one, or sexual aids, PLACE, in the bag.  Present it to the TSA Officer, tell them what is in it, so that,  it can be inspected with dignity.  You can even ask, that It be done in a private setting, away from the eyes of the traveling public.

7.  Trust me, TSA officers and staff, have seen everything, they are only interested in processing you, doing their job, and going to the next passenger.

8.  I suggest you get to the Airport, in advance, so you can go through the process easier.  And if there is something you are not allowed to take, you have an opportunity to send it home!

9.  YES, Girls, you can take hair rollers and curling irons along. NO ARISOL !!!

10.  Should you have any questions, concerning what you want to take, call the Airport or TSA, at the Airport!  And ask them!

My suggestions are valid.  You don’t have to listen to me, but if you do, trust me your trip will be less stressful !

Remember Girls, you can be a “Bag of Chips and All That!” once you reach your destination!

Also, what anyone thinks about you!  Is none of your business !!!!!!!

LASTLY!  AS WE SPEAK, TSA IS BEING TRAINED, HOW TO TREAT US AS TRANSGENDERED INDIVIDUALS, WITH DIGNITY.  GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO LEARN.

I FEEL YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY, TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR OUR TRANSGENDERED “SISTERS” WHO FOLLOW YOU.  YOU CAN MAKE THEIR EXPERIENCE NICER AND EASIER.

GIRLS, WHEN YOU APPROACH THE CHECK POINT, REMEMBER, SHOULDERS OUT! CHEST OUT! HOLD YOU HEAD HIGH AND WALK THROUGH WITH DIGNITY!  MAKE US PROUD TO BE WHO WE ARE !!

JAMIE LEE -TRANSSEXUAL WOMAN

CRYSTAL CONNECTION

GLBT & TRANSGENDERED EDUCATION —— BY: JAMIE LEE


Jamie's Rabbit

AH !!  EXCUSE ME ! I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION !

YES, YOU !!!!!

JAMIE ASKED ME,  TO “HOP” ON HERE, WHEN THERE IS A POINT TO BE MADE!  TODAY, SHE WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT LABELS………………!

 DO YOU SEE THIS RABBIT UMBRELLA?

Rabbit unbrella

Rabbit umbrella

UNDER THE RABBIT UMBRELLA

African Savanna Hare

European Rabbit

Antelope Jackrabbit

Brush Rabbit

Jameson’s Red Rock Hare

Swamp Rabbit

Natal Red Rock Hare

ME! “BUNNY” !

And many more

Now see here is the thing!  Say one day, I am hopping along the “Bunny Trail” Hippity Hop, just minding my own business, and I get injured, and I have to be taken to the Veterinarian Clinic!   Do you think I want to be treated as a Swamp Rabbit?  Do you think I should be medically treated as a Jack Rabbit?  NO, I should be treated as who I am “BUNNY”  Because my needs are different from the rest.  It is a HARE – EE, situation………………………………!

I AM GOING TO HOP ALONG, EAT SOME CARROTS , AND LET JAMIE LEE TAKE IT FROM HERE!

BYE FOR NOW !!!!!!!!

 THE UMBRELLA, IN THE PHOTO BELOW, IS THE !

TRANSGENDERED UMBRELLA !!!!!

TRANSGENDER UMBRELLA

TRANSGENDER UMBRELLA

UNDER THE TRANSGENDERED UMBRELLA

CROSSDRESSERS

TRANSVESTITES (AN OUT DATED TERM}

DRAG QUEENS – Usually gay and just dressed flamboyantly to put on Drag Shows!

TRANSSEXUALS

PRE-OP {ME}-Before the SRS Operation!

POST-OP-After the Operation – Referred to as STEALTH

The term SRS – Sexual Reconstructive Surgery

two people

NOW SOME FACTS

IN THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY WE REFERRED TO NATURAL BORN WOMAN AS “GENETIC FEMALES”

A RECENT SCIENTIFIC STUDY WAS COMPLETED, AND IT WAS FOUND!

“TRANSEXUALITY – HOMOSEXUAL – LESBIAN”

IS CAUSED BY GENETICS

So now, it allows the Transsexual individuals to identify as GENETIC Females-

AND NATURALLY BORN FEMALES ARE REFERRED TO AS “NATAL FEMALES” !

1.  Every Natal male has estrogen in them, and every Natal female has testosterone in them!

2.  Transsexuals are more female,  than, they are male, by virtue of genetics!

NOW HERE IS WHERE I COME IN !!!!

Sign dont let me get my flying monkeys

I have flying monkeys dont mke me use them

I have been treated for over 8 years by a Natal female, Therapist, who specializes in Gender Disorders,  Dr. Carol Hershey, as being a Gender Dysphoric, Transsexual Female, and I have been treated legally, and medically, by a Natal female, Dr. Santiago, as a Transsexual Woman – PLEASE NOTE:  NOT A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN!

I HAVE BEEN ON HORMONES, ESTROGEN-{SELF INJECTION, EVERY TWO WEEKS} AND,  SPIRO, FOR OVER 8 YEARS.  THIS IS UNDER A DOCTOR’S CARE! AND RECOMMENDATION, AS A TRANSSEXUAL WOMAN!   PLEASE NOTE AGAIN:  NOT A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN !

I want to take  moment and make a statement to the Natal woman, out there, who are offended or challenged by us, labeling our-selves as women!  How pathetic you are.  Don’t worry, we can never become NATAL FEMALE – It is IMPOSSIBLE.  I have had many arguments, with my Transsexual Sisters, in this Community, who say they are Woman! And they get angry even with me, when I point out that they can never be a Natal Woman, even after the SRS Operation, but we are the closest thing to the dynamics of a NATAL woman, that we should be respectfully considered as such.

LGBT

LESBIAN – GAY – BI-SEXUAL -TRANSGENDER

LGBT is an initialism that collectively refers to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. In use since the 1990s, the term LGBT is an adaptation of the initialism “LGB“, which itself started replacing the phrase gay community beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s,[1] which many within the community in question felt did not accurately represent all those to whom it referred.  The initialism has become mainstream as a self-designation and has been adopted by the majority of sexuality and gender identity-based community centers and media in the United States and some other English-speaking countries.

The term LGBT is intended to emphasize a diversity of sexuality and gender identity-based cultures and is sometimes used to refer to anyone who is non-heterosexual or non-cisgender instead of exclusively to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender To recognize this inclusion, a popular variant adds the letter Q for those who identify as queer and/or are questioning their sexual identity as “LGBTQ“, recorded since 1996.

LGBT FLAG 8 stripes

LGBT FLAG 8 stripes

CURRENT

CURRENT

LGBT FLAG 7 stripes

LGBT FLAG 7 stripes

HOT PINK – FOR SEX

RED – FOR LIFE

ORANGE – FOR HEALING

YELLOW – FOR SUN

GREEN – FOR SERENITY WITH NATURE

TURQUOISE – FOR ART

INDIGO – FOR HARMONY

VIOLET – FOR SPIRIT

The first Rainbow Flag was designed in 1978 by Gilbert Baker, a San Francisco artist, who created the flag in response to a local activist’s call for the need of a community symbol. (This was before the pink triangle was popularly used as a symbol of pride.) Using the five-striped “Flag of the Race” as his inspiration, Baker designed a flag with eight stripes. Baker dyed and sewed the material for the first flag himself — in the true spirit of Betsy Ross

After the November 1978 assassination of San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and openly gay Supervisor Harvey Milk and the subsequent lenient sentence given to their killer, former Supervisor Dan White, the Rainbow Flag began to be used in San Francisco as a general symbol of the gay community. San Francisco-based Paramount Flag Co. began selling seven-striped (top to bottom: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet) flags from its Polk Street retail store, which was located in a large gay neighborhood. These flags were surplus stock which had originally been made for the International Order of Rainbow for Girls, a Masonic organization for young women. When Baker approached Paramount to make flags for the 1979 Gay Freedom Day Parade, Paramount informed Baker that fabric for hot pink was not available for mass production, and Baker dropped the hot pink stripe.
Steve Kramer, 24 April 1998

Baker also asked Paramount to make vertical banners that would be split and displayed from the angular double bars of the old-style lamp posts on Market Street. Baker and Paramount’s vice president Ken Hughes agreed to drop the hot pink and turquoise stripes and replace the indigo stripe with royal blue — resulting in three stripes on one side of the lamp post and three on the other.
Steve Kramer, 24 April 1998

Soon the six colors were incorporated into a six-striped version that became popularized and that, today, is recognized by the International Congress of Flag Makers.

 
I AM CURRENTLY LEARNING ABOUT THE INTERSEX COMMUNITY, AND I WILL POST ANY EDUCATIONAL MATERIAL PERTAINING TO THE INTERSEX INDIVIDUALS AND THEIR COMMUNITY.   RIGHT NOW,  I DON’T KNOW IF THEY WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN THE LGBT LETTERS!

 

I WISH TO THANK EVERYONE,  WHO READS THIS POST

IT SHOWS THAT YOU WANT TO EDUCATE YOURSELF, ABOUT US!

THANK YOU

JAMIE LEE – CRYSTAL CONNECTION

INFINITY

 

 

JAMIE LEE’S NEWS DESK – TELL IT LIKE IT IS JAMIE ! MY OPINION……………………………


Robert Kosilek, then 39, was already transitioning to become a woman when he killed his wife, Cheryl McCaul, during an argument. He strangled her to death, nearly decapitating her in the Mansfield, Massachusetts, home they still shared. Panicked, he dragged her body to his car, and drove to the Emerald Square Mall in North Attleboro, about 20 minutes away. He left his wife’s corpse in the mall parking lot and fled the state. Police caught up to him in New Rochelle, New York.

In 1990, Kosilek, who was then known by his birth name Robert Kosilek, strangled his wife Cheryl  McCaul. Kosilek was sentenced to serve a life sentence without parole

Earlier this morning I again,  saw a story on a blog concerning this pathetic ass-hole.  And I replied with the following,  on the blog:

I swore to myself that I would never revisit this story, and darn it, here I am!  Let me expose myself a little for the purpose of this story.  Something that I have never done before!  I am in my 60’s, married for 40 years,  We have two wonderful children.

Since I was born, I knew that I was different; however, I was a coward, who didn’t have the Courage to be!  I went into the Military, to make myself a man in everyone’s eyes.. When I got out of the Military, I went into Law Enforcement, to be a man’s man, and to drive the feminine feelings from me!   Approximately 30 years ago, I went into State Parole.

In the course of my career, I have arrested and dealt with, Murder’s, Rapists, Sex Offenders, Domestic Violence, and much, much more dealing with the dredges of our Society and the collateral damage which the left behind.  I have stood on the edge of the Abyss; I have faced death and guns being pointed at me. a multitude of times, as well,  as me pointing it at Criminals.  I am burned out and exhausted.  We are part of a Society where Criminals have rights and victims HAVE NONE!  How sad, because of the “bleeding hearts” of our world.

All these years, I hide my core, from people and including myself.  The feminine feelings in me never subsided; they always grew like an “Abscessed Tooth”.  A year before I retired I took my service revolver and was going to kill myself. Basically, because of Society, which I protected, could not accept diversity!  At that point I decided I was going to survive, and work on, who I was meant to be with “two spirits”

At that point, I told wife.  And to this day she is at my side transitioning along with me.  I am trying to have my children accept me as a “Genetic Transsexual Woman”  If you wish to follow my struggles, visit my blog, which is about my life!  But some of the readers, must understand that is because of your acceptance of me as who I am, that I suffer more!

First of all, with the upmost respect, I wish to address a statement that the Attorney made:

“It is a complex issue, no doubt. I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body. The folks I know who have had it seem to suffer from a lot of health problems because of the forced changes to the physical body which is different than the orientation of the mind. Oddly, before we had surgery for this, people learned to cope. I often think that modern medicine runs way beyond what the mind (we’re still pretty primal, folks) can deal with”.

Council, you took an oath to represent!  I took an oath to protect.  That is our difference as you well know, dealing with the “Scales of Justice”   You make the statement above that you have issues with us! Why is it your right to make that assessment?  Sure it definitely is a surreal assault on a body.  But can you understand that it should be my choice, to feel free in my body, soul and Spirit?  I have been on hormones, spiro and estrogen for over 8 years.  There still is no statistics available, showing what effects it has on a “Natal Male’s Body” But that is my choice!  Even if I die!  Because it makes me feel free of my OWN incarceration as a Woman!  So I do feel that your statement is not fair until you educate yourself into our dynamics!   Just my opinion Council.

Now, back to the point of the story, and that pathetic S.O.B.  I think everyone can see why this is a sensitive situation for me…………….If the readers here will allow me I will address some of the reasons below:

  1.  I believe 100& with Councils statement that this is a manipulative ploy by this person. I have seen it many times in the Criminal Justice System.
  2. It is a fact that Criminals, find reasons to change their mundane lives in their 4 X 8, cells.  Especially if they are in protective custody!  They look for reasons to do things, whether they are true of false! To get them out for a day!
  3. Council says they don’t have the right to make the final decision in this case!  I can, I will be the Judge, jury and the executioner in this pathetic situation!  Remember, this animal, KILLED A WOMAN in the most, cold hearted manner.  Where is, her rights? The majority of transsexuals I know, honor femininity, so much, that wouldn’t ever contemplate, hurting a woman.
  4. What kind, of Society are we in, which will pay for and operation, for a Convicted Murderer, and ignore me, as a law abiding citizen?   I think this is atrocious!
  5. I could go on all day!  So I will stop with my ramblings, because I have an easy solution, which will save tax payers money!

 

Put this wonderful person, in general population, the other inmates will treat him as the woman he was meant to be.  He can be happy!  And trust me they will give him the “SRS” operation that he deserves for FREE!  Be they kill him.  But never, never, let this creep, go to a woman’s prison, because, it would be, the most degrading thing to femininity, and womanhood!  And you the reader know it !!!!!!!!      TELL IT LIKE IT IS JAMIE LEE !

A response I got so far, was from a therapist who states ”    I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body” and agrees with the Attorney!  There was no comment about the validity of my post and my statements,  in reference to this Jack Ass below:

So now I have decided, to bring story to my TURF!  The Crystal Connection! 

But, I do want everyone to understand that Jamie Lee,  has true feelings, so I will say this:   AWE ROBERT, I am so sorry Sweetheart, for the pain you went through, while you strangled your wife, and had to go through the extreme trauma of decapitating her.  And then Sweetie, I know it bothered you to drive to a local Mall and dump her body in a parking lot!  OMG it must have been so stressful for you that day!  I wish I could just see a beautiful photo of your wife after,  you did that to her. I am sure she enjoyed the trip to the Mall with you that day, you pathetic son-of-a-bitch.   You killed a woman, something that we as Transsexuals stand for!  Femininity.  I truly wish that you could stand in front of me for one second.  And trust me, I would end your life as quickly as you took hers……………………………………………………….But I want you to know Robert,  that I wish you the best.  Love Jamie Lee

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY?

NO WONDER WE HAVE THE PROBLEMS THAT WE DO!

AFTER YOU READ THIS, PAY FOR MY OPERATION BECAUSE I DESERVE IT FOR BEING A LAW ABIDNIG CITIZEN!

AS WELL AS BEING IN LAW ENFORCEMENT FACING DEATH,  TO PROTECT YOU!

HOW DISCUSTINGLY SAD YOU MAKE ME FEEL !!!!!

SHAME ON YOU

JAMIE LEE

AND LASTLY, DON’T YOU EVER SAY TO ME ” I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body”  BECAUSE, GUESS WHAT, IT IS MY DAMN CHOICE, AND IF I DIE IN THE PROCESS, THAT SO BE IT………………LET ME LIVE BEFORE YOU LET ME DIE!

Pathetic Animal

Pathetic Animal

 

 

BOSTON — A transgender inmate who won a court order for taxpayer-funded sex-change surgery has no medical need for further electrolysis treatments, a prisons department psychiatrist testified Monday.

Dr. Robert Diener testified during a hearing in U.S. District Court on Michelle Kosilek’s request to have additional hair-removal treatments. Diener, chief psychiatrist for the state Department of Correction, said he evaluated Kosilek in 2010 and again last month and concluded that Kosilek’s anxiety level hasn’t changed, even though she hasn’t had electrolysis treatments since 2008.

“I continue to believe that it’s not medically necessary for this patient,” said Diener, chief psychiatrist at MHM Services, Inc., a company subcontracted by the state Department of Correction to provide mental health services.

Under questioning by Kosilek’s lawyer, Diener acknowledged that he had not published any articles or conducted any research on gender-identity disorder, a diagnosis given to Kosilek. Diener also said he was told that the reason prison officials stopped giving Kosilek electrolysis after seven treatments is because it was too expensive.

Kosilek’s lawyer, Frances Cohen, said prison officials’ refusal to allow Kosilek to have additional treatments is “simply another incident of deliberate indifference” to Kosilek’s medical needs.

The department has said it discontinued the treatments after finding she had already received significant hair removal and saying her remaining hair could be removed by shaving or depilatories.

Judge Mark Wolf didn’t immediately rule on the request.

In September, Wolf ordered the state to provide sex-reassignment surgery, saying it is the only way to treat Kosilek’s “serious medical need.”

Kosilek was born male but has received hormone treatments and now lives as a woman in an all-male prison. Kosilek was named Robert when convicted in the 1990 murder of wife Cheryl Kosilek.

In his ruling, Wolf noted that Kosilek’s gender-identity disorder has caused Kosilek so much anguish that she has twice tried to commit suicide. Wolf said Kosilek “continues to suffer intense mental anguish” because she truly believes she is a woman trapped in a man’s body.

“That anguish alone constitutes a serious medical need,” Wolf wrote.

The Department of Correction has appealed Wolf’s order.

The judge also heard arguments Monday on the department’s request to put the order on hold while the appeal is pending.

Kosilek’s lawyers also asked Wolf to revise his ruling to change his use of male pronouns to female pronouns when referring to Kosilek. Wolf said he would consider the request.

 

Wis. won’t ban transgender inmate treatments

Three inmates who are male-to-female transsexuals filed suits after prison doctors stopped providing hormone treatments

The U.S. Supreme Court refused to consider reinstating a Wisconsin law that banned hormone treatments or sex-change surgeries for transgender prison inmates.

The justices today rejected the state’s appeal of a ruling that the 2006 Wisconsin law, by withholding treatments that prison doctors deem medically necessary, violated the Eighth Amendment prohibition against cruel and unusual punishments.

Three Wisconsin inmates who are male-to-female transsexuals filed suit after prison doctors, who had diagnosed them as having gender identity disorder, stopped providing hormone treatments because of the law.

“Refusing to provide effective treatment for a serious medical condition serves no valid penological purpose and amounts to torture,” the Chicago-based 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled. “Just as the legislature cannot outlaw all effective cancer treatments for prison inmates, it cannot outlaw the only effective treatment for a serious condition” such as gender identity disorder.

Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, in the state’s high court appeal, said gender identity disorder is a “psychological condition” and the legislature was within its authority to say treatment should be limited to “psychotherapy, antipsychotics and antidepressants.”

The Eighth Amendment “does not prohibit prison officials, prison medical personnel and, most certainly, a state legislature, from denying a small, controversial subset of the wide variety of treatment available for a particular diagnosis,” the state said in its appeal.

Medically Necessary

Lawyers for the inmates said doctors in the Wisconsin prison system were the ones who diagnosed the inmates and prescribed the hormone treatments as medically necessary.

“There was no evidence controverting the testimony of numerous witnesses that, for some people” with severe gender identity disorder, “psychotherapy or psychotropic medication alone” is “simply not effective,” lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union and the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund said, representing the inmates.

The appeals court ruling cited evidence presented at trial that for some people hormone treatment is the most effective way to prevent severe anxiety, depression, attempted suicides or self-mutilation. The court said “severe complications,” including high blood pressure and neurological problems, may arise when patients are taken off hormone treatments.

While the case centered on hormone treatments, the Wisconsin law that was found unconstitutional also prohibits the use of state funds for sex-change surgery.

The case is Smith v. Fields, 11-561.

To contact the reporter on this story: Bob Drummond in Washington at  bdrummond@bloomberg.net

To contact the editor responsible for this story: Steven Komarow at  skomarow1@bloomberg.net

 

It’s hard to find accurate statistics on exactly how many people in the United States (or anywhere else) are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). Nonetheless, what we know for sure is that the number of people who define themselves as LGBT is rising – fast. And this has a distinct impact on the world of corrections.

“As gender identity becomes more recognized as a legitimate concern that individuals have, you are going to see more of it in corrections,” said Donald L. Leach, a Jail Risk Management Consultant based in Lexington, Kentucky.

Leach hosted a workshop at the 2010 American Jail Association conference in Portland, Oregon titled, “Sexuality in the Jail: Issues with Managing Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Intersexual and Transgender Offenders”, which primarily discussed this question: How can correctional professionals define and manage the LGBT community effectively, securely and in correspondence with the law?

This article will discuss some of the related issues that can arise in the jail or prison environment and how Leach recommends dealing with them.

Using the right terminology When dealing with sensitive issues like this, Leach notes that what might seem like a harmless slip of the tongue can quickly turn into a major liability risk. Here are a few terms you need to be aware of:

Sexual preference: The preference one shows by having sexual interest in members of the same, opposite or either sex – Gender identity: Distinctly different from sexual preference, gender identity refers the gender with which a person self-identifies. Thus, for example, it is possible for someone to be a biological male who identifies themselves as a woman and also has a sexual preference for women. – Transgender: A general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors and groups involving tendencies that vary from the usual gender roles – Transsexual: A more specific term for when an individual identifies with a physical sex that is different from their biological one – Intersexual: A group of conditions where there is a discrepancy between the external genitals and the internal genitals, thus providing the individual with components of both the male and female genitalia

Housing: Predator vs. prey Regardless of sexual preference and gender identity, a fundamental objective in corrections must be to “separate the predators from the prey,” Leach said.

In many facilities, he said, “we’re not doing a good enough job of separating by classification.”

In other words, an inmate’s sexual identity or preference is only important to officers in so far as it helps them to decipher whether the inmate is likely to become a victim of abuse in the facility, Leach said. They should then be housed accordingly.

“We need to eliminate all types of violence,” he said. “Identify the predators and then remove them. It’s about protecting inmates from violence, sexual or non.”

Housing: Sexual preference So, if our goal is to better protect vulnerable inmates, should we be using sexual preference as a method for classifying inmates? Leach says “no”, because knowing an inmate’s sexual preference shouldn’t affect how we house them or define whether or not they’ll be victimized.

“We don’t care what your preference is,” Leach said. “There is no sex in the jail – period.”

Leach also challenges the notion that because an inmate is sexually attracted to someone of their own sex that it means they’re going to have sexual relations while incarcerated.

“It’s not true that people will automatically couple-up,” Leach said, emphasizing that just because a man is gay, it doesn’t mean he will be attracted to all and any men.

Instead of focusing on issues of sexual preferences, Leach said, “what you look for is sexual identification”.

Housing: Sexual identity When booking offenders, Leach said, it pays tenfold to ask the incoming prisoner whether they identify as male or female, regardless of what might seem like obvious physical characteristics to you and other staffers.

For instance, if someone is clearly (from a physical standpoint) a man but claims to identify as a woman, should this affect how we house them?

The best thing to do in these situations, Leach said, is ask. First, ask the transgender or intersexual offender whether they would like to be housed with men or women. If they say “with women”, then ask the women in the housing unit if they’ll be comfortable living with a man who identifies as female. In these situations, clear communication between all parties is critical and often very effective, he said.

This is not to suggest, Leach stressed, that inmates should be allowed to choose which gender they are to be housed with. It is simply another “predator vs. prey” risk to be considered by staff.

Once all predator vs. prey risks have been evaluated and the inmate has been housed, Leach reminds staffers to make sure to document the whole process that resulted in classification and housing of the offender, thus protecting themselves from any future liability risks.

There is, however, one specific case scenario Leach said to beware of: the male inmate who claims to identify as female simply to get a chance to prey on women sexually. However, this is again an issue of predator vs. prey and should be combated through a rigorous classification system.

Who should conduct searches? Next to housing, deciding who should conduct searches is one of the most difficult tasks – and highest liability risks – correctional professionals face when dealing with LGBT inmates, according to Leach.

“What we’re looking to do is not put additional trauma on people during searches,” he said.

Obviously, an individual going through a strip search is going to experience a certain level of embarrassment and trauma – in many ways this is just the nature of being in prison. The question, Leach said, is “how much embarrassment is ok,” before staffers find themselves in legal trouble?

According to Leach, as with housing inmates by gender identity, the key to conducting searches in an unclear situation is communication. Ask the inmate if they would like to be searched by a man or a woman. Get them to clearly confirm their preference and then document the process thoroughly, thus protecting staff if the inmate chooses to claim victimization.

If the inmate isn’t sure whether a man or a woman should conduct the search, offer to have both a man and woman officer in the room, Leach said. Often this is good practice in any situation where a male inmate requests to be searched by a female.

All in all, dealing with issues of sexual preference and identity will continue to be a tricky matter for correctional professionals until clearer case law develops around the process. For now, however, here’s a recap of some of the key points given by Leach in both his presentation and interview with C1 that staffers can use to protect both themselves and the inmates:

1. Improve our methods of classification (remember to ask about gender identity) 2. Clamp down on all types of violence and any sexual relations (same-sex or not) 3. Communicate clearly with all inmates and get their feedback when making inmate housing and search decisions 4. Thoroughly document all communication and the decisions made based on it

Please feel free to post any questions regarding these issues in the comment section below and we’ll forward them on to Mr. Leach.

 

 

 

 

 

 

YEARS OF TEARS – BY – JAMIE LEE……….


 

INTRODUCTION:  On or about August 8, 2008, my Therapist, Doctor Carol Hershey, inspired me to write a story to myself as a child.  This was one of the most sensitive and intense projects,  I have ever imagined.  I sat down, closed my eyes, and felt like I was hypnotized, and traveled back in time.  My fingers began typing; I had no forethought, about what to write.  The words just flowed.  I was awed, after I completed it.  It was my true feelings, and I even called myself names.  As you will see, someone was watching me as a child, and you will be surprised who it turned out to be,  just like I was at the end!

This was one of the most personal and surreal stories I had ever written. 

I am honored to share it here, so that,  I may save a child,  from going through the pain,  I have suffered!

We all deserve to be who we were born to be! 

Thank you!  Jamie Lee……………………

YEARS OF TEARS

Where did you come from?  Why were you born?  Why are you so fragile.  You sad, sad innocent child!

I witnessed a child in such misery and pain!  I shall never be willing, to witness again! 

You poor, poor burdened child! 

You were born of this earth so naked and true!  But, how would you know!  that, no one, knew you?

The agony to come, which you had to survive, was more than, I could go through!  To stay alive!

Fragile and frail you cried and cried,

You poor sweet innocent child!

How did you know what lie ahead!  You were loved, held and nurtured, with affection,  so great!  That, even you!  didn’t know your ultimate fate!

Only God knew!  What, was inside you,!   Like the heart ache ahead!  You would eventually dread!  You poor, poor sad, unknowing child!

You struggled in school, and no one knew why!   The rest of your life you lived a huge lie.                       

You poor, poor, sweet, sad, innocent child!

It was my fate,  to watch you grow!  With the heart ache inside, that no one, could know!   But, I shall accept the chore, with so much pride,  and try,  to tell people,  how you! felt inside!

You poor, innocent, tormented child!

I pray, I can do this, and not miss a point.   To tell your story, intensely so sad, to give you some peace, that you never had!

I watched you as a child, as you struggled with school.   Your parents loved you; however, you felt that you were always their failure.  You never liked school, and because of that, you felt like you were their moron.  You failed three times and repeated grades each one of those times.  If you had a blue mark instead of a red one, you paraded around as if it was a National event, which deserved a major holiday.  Your brother was academically skilled and always received an “A”, He was bragged about, by you mother & father in the most wonderful and proudest manner.

You stupid,  failure of a child!

I watched as you, held no rights or privileges on your own. And everything needed approval.  You were to be “Seen and not Heard!”  You weren’t even allowed the dignity to know who you were.  Your thoughts and emotions were not real, valid or important, sensible, or even realistic, until you somehow reached the magical age of 21. You had restrictions, curfews and requirements that, if you bent, in any slightest manner, would result, in the most severe discipline in every form that you could imagine.

You clueless, imaginary child your role models were insufficient.  Role models were forced upon you.  “Don’t you want to be a man?”

If you didn’t follow the expected role models, you treated like a failure.

Your parents made you go to bed early every night, because of school, the next day.   You were told to go to your room at 8:00 pm or earlier every night!  I watched as you climbed into your bed, after reciting the “Lord’s Prayer”, always begging for help.  I heard you crying & crying & crying half the night, before you cried yourself to sleep, praying that no one would hear your pain.

You poor, lonely child!

I watched as you quickly tried to understand, the physical differences between boys and girls!    I watched as you learned the differences, and then came the change in you!  You realized that a mistake was made. You were somehow born wrong, and you wanted it to be fixed.  You prayed and prayed every night, that God would take you back, and return you in the proper way.  I watched you progressively felt abandoned and grew more angry and hateful, that such a mistake was made!  You were so lonely, sad and pained, with no one to confide in, with your problem.  Even if you tried, you were afraid that you would have been placed into a cage, and abandoned!  I saw as a friend told you their secret, and ask you if you could keep it?  You listened to their problems and never told a soul, because you were one of the best, at keeping secrets.  After all you had one your self, that, you couldn’t even tell them!

 You poor, secretive child!

It was very apparent to me that, you hated your body and life.    You hated each and every day, of your existence, because, after all, you were born broken, and couldn’t be fixed”.  But, in some mysterious manner,  you became a survivor.   Concealing, all your thoughts, emotions and desires!   Strange as it may seem,  this!,  made me so proud of you!

You poor, sad, amazing child!

Parades! You loved parades, didn’t’ you little one? You thought that I wasn’t watching you, but I was!

You would sit on the curb of the street, many times, over the years, with your mother and father, watching and waiting for the parade to appear.  You would say many times, “Can you see it?  Is it here yet?  And then it approached!  You were so excited!  Your parents thought, that it was because of all the fire trucks, and the normal things!

You never told them.  Did you?   But I knew why!

You were waiting for the bands!  You were waiting to see the pretty, pretty, “Baton Twirlers”.  You stared, at their stunning, sparkly outfits, as the marched beautifully and proudly by.  You wished that you were them.  Just for a moment.

You wanted to wear, those beautiful outfits, and be, as beautiful as them!  as they marched by.  Then you became sad, when she disappeared into the horizon.  But you stared, at the girls coming, in the rest of the parade.  You held you breath when the “Home Coming Queens  & Princesses “passed by, riding on top of the cars, waiving and smiling at you. You closed your eyes, and dreamed, that you could be, as beautiful and them. 

Didn’t you!  You ugly, horrible thing!   

When you eventually, went home, I watched you sneak into the back yard, pick up sticks, and pretend that you were her!   Marching around the yard, trying to twirl that wooden thing!  How sick!  And wrong! But you did it anyhow.

Didn’t you?!  You poor, demented child!

Awe, but,   your relatives, visited your house, on many occasions, with their children, and you had someone to play with.   While, your parents were in the kitchen talking, you would get your toy soldiers and other toys and sit in the corner.  You had many cousins who were girls.   I watched you playing as the girls played across the room.  You would watch them intently, giggling, jumping, playing and having fun..   You would get up, go over to them and sit.  You would sit with them!

You loved playing with them, until you heard a distant voice from your father.  What are you doing?  Nothing Dad!  I just wanted to ask the girls a question.. Then you quickly got up, ran back to your spot , as you hard him yell, “Just leave them alone“ .  Don’t be a sissy!”

And, you listened! Didn’t you?

But around that time, you finally found, a true friend to talk to!  What was his name? “Sandy” This was the collie, that your parents got, for you and your brother!   You would lay many times, on the floor, with your new found friend!  Sometimes, resting your head on his chest, as you talked and talked.  He was a beautiful collie.  On occasion, his ears would perk up, as he listed to your stories and secrets.   It seemed, that some time, for some unknown reason, he would actually, feel your pain.   Once and awhile you would tie a bandanna, around his neck. And you got yelled at; because only girls did that!  You were always frightened; that you dog would tell someone, about you, and you constantly begged him; not too.  But he did keep your secrets!  Even when, he got old and had to be put asleep!  He held your secrets!    You even thought for a moment, that you could go to sleep with him, so you could be by his side.  How sad it was,  when ,  you lose  your only true friend ,  and  now, again , had  no one to talk to!  Sadness was your other friend.

Such pity, I had, watching you grow, little one!

I watched many times, as you told your parents that you were going outside to play; with your friends!  But instead, you disappeared into your parent’s garage, at the end of the property.  You didn’t reappear for a long periods of time.  What were you doing in there?  What was your secret?   Then, finally, I would see you exit, up the sidewalk, towards your house, with a smile on your face.  Were you happy for a moment, little child?

You deceitful, evil, person you!

You did however, have rare sweet times as you watched, your mother, put on her make up.  She was so beautiful!

You liked to watch this, and sometimes, she would spray you with a little perfume.  You would yell at her,  and run away , saying “What do you think, I’m a girl?”  But all the time, you really, loved it , because,  you smelled so pretty and nice.

Didn’t you?  You sweet, tender child?

CHRISTMAS!  Now it is Christmas!  “Visions of Sugar Plums Dancing in your Head” The happiest time of year!  Presents, Christmas trees, good food, excitement, toys, toys, toys and Christmas stockings!  WOW!

Christmas music also…   Every thing and everyone was so different.  They were happy, nice, friendly and wonderful.  The time of year that everything was beautiful. 

You asked your parents many times, if you behaved enough that year, so you wouldn’t get that dreadful “Coal” in your stocking.

Everything was wonderful, happy and exciting for you!  Wasn’t it?

VISIONS OF SUGAR PLUMS?  Were these your visions? You sweet child!   Tell us!  You don’t want to, do you?  So then I will!!  Remember, I was watching you!

You were very happy, this time of year.   You did try and subdue all that suffering that you endured through out the year.  And you succeeded!   So you thought!

I watched you go to bed early on Christmas Eve, and not be able to sleep, so excited, you were!

Then it came!  Christmas morning!  You would sneak down the stairs and peek at the Christmas tree, and see if there were presents for you?  THERE WERE!  So then you went back up stairs and woke your brother up.  You made a lot of noise to, hopefully wake up your parents.    They finally heard you, and you begged them to go down stairs.  Santa Claus came!  Came at last!

You and your brother sat on the floor by the tree and your parents sat on the couch across the room on the couch.

You began opening your presents.  Toys, toys and more Toys!   Then it happened!  The dreaded cloths! One present had a shirt which you threw to the side.  Oh no! Socks, pants and other cloths, which you threw to the side, on top of your little trash pile.  You looked at your parents with tears swelling in your eyes, and said:  “I don’t want these!”

Then the time arrived for your mother and father to open theirs, as you watched intently.  You really didn’t care about your father’s, did you?  What you were waiting for was your Mother’s!

WOW! She got a beautiful blouse and skirt.  She got a necklace and all kinds of frilly things.  She held it up to show everyone. 

Then it happened!  Then it hit you!  Your eyes got glassy.  You tried to subdue those tears again!  GOOD JOB!

Then, as I watched you, and I realized, you really wanted all of those beautiful things that you mother got.  For yourself!  You selfish person!  How dare you!

You could not behave even at this time of the year.  YOU didn’t deserve any presents!!!!

You!  Selfish, secretive,  Beast of a child!   I AM ASHAMED OF YOU!   I ACTUALLY SOMETIMES THINK I HATE YOU!

But, I forgive you!

I watched, as you, night after night, cry and cry yourself to sleep!   Who cares!  We felt sick, in the pit of our stomachs! , Didn’t we?  We, made it through each and every day,   and lonely, lonely,  unending night!   We truly became friends, you and I!  We danced together, talked, laughed, and shared our secrets and dreams together!   Didn’t we?  I was happy to be your new friend!  We both, survived.

Was, I your Guardian Angel?  NO!   You didn’t deserve any!   Then all of a sudden, you figured, all this out,  didn’t you?

You brilliant, intelligent thing! 

YOU REALIZED!  Who I really was!    That, I was, in fact really,  YOU!   THAT, I was your, own heart, dreams and desires!   THAT,   I was your heart beat, and every breath that you took!   THAT,   I was, your only true friend!  Forever!

THAT!  I was finally, released, and blooming.  That I am, turning into the beautiful soul that I was upon birth.

Do I still cry?  YES! Do I have periods of depression?  YES!  Do I still hurt every day inside?  YES!

 Do I blame my parent’s? NO!   They were just products and victims of their generation, just like me.

How many people mistreated you?  Regardless, of what, has taken place in the past, we can turn things into something positive.  Do not settle for defeat, and surround yourself with good people and make plans to succeed.  We will always be confronted with obstacles.   We were rejected and wronged, and we may be out-numbered 100 to 1, but be courageous.   We will always be confronted with opposition, but sometimes those challenges propel us towards success.  There are infinite numbers of possibilities and potentials just waiting for us to develop.  We can’t allow dead ends to stop us.   We have what it takes to achieve our dreams and desires.  Don’t settle for second, you deserve the best.  Commit yourself to excellence and don’t settle for less.  Walk in honor & truthfulness, be forthright and refuse to think of anything that is negative or dishonest.  Listen to that voice inside that says “We are special”   “We  are loved”,   “Someone needs us” “We can begin again and make things happen and be at peace with ourselves”   Be enthusiastic and make things wonderful in our lives!

WE ARE, WHO WE CAME TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW, I have demands!  No one, but, no one will make me change!  I am who I am, and will try to replace all those horrors of the past,  into a new found energy and passion , and become the most beautiful transsexual woman, who is at peace with herself!   Who in transitioning  will work towards beauty, freedom, equality, peace and understanding, as one of the most divine beings placed on the face of the earth.

As the song goes “Don’t mess with my stride!  I GOT TO KEEP ON MOVING!”

Will it help ease my anger, sorrow, and extreme pain?  Maybe!   Will it help?  YES!  Did it hurt?  YES

One thing I am positive of is that!

I am, Jamie Lee.  A transsexual woman, and, will slowly transition, and demand, recognition, for all those  YEARS of TEARS!

 

Jamie Lee

 8/1/08