So many of us have suffered the loss of family in becoming
the human beings we were meant to be.
There were so many times when I hesitated and questioned the cost of transition, not only the financial burden but the true cost we all pay in losing so much of our former lives,
because, others simply cannot accept that their reality isn’t necessarily our
And it is in our own reality, and not theirs, in which each of us must live in order to survive. We have all struggled to exist in the Lie because we were all born with an identity that did not match our bodies. All of us have gone to extreme measures to help others love us by striving desperately to live their expectations for, and of, us. Some of us have even
managed to live out nearly our entire lives existing on the edge of sanity for the
sake of acceptance and what passes for love in our society.
I don’t have that kind of strength and I discovered that I didn’t need “that kind” of
love, nor did I love anyone else so much that I was willing to sacrifice my sanity and eventually my life simply because they couldn’t accept me for who I am.
So I quit questioning the cost of transition because I decided that what I was really “buying” was my own life.
There’s a quote I like from a movie character that has often been satirized in the media (most often on radio shows). The movie was “Shawshank Redemption”, the character was Red (played by Morgan Freeman) and the quote is simply this “GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING” . I spent most of my life trying to sit on the fence between the two and what’s funny about that is that there isn’t any there!
There is life and there is death and nothing in between the two. and the choice was mine to make. There is no pain in death; it’s one of the reasons so many of us look to make it our choice. There is no love, no anger, no fear, no humiliation, no rejection, no hate, no depression, no loneliness, the list goes on for what there “isn’t” in death and it’s a very long list because it incorporates everything in life…everything.
We have all made that choice and sometimes we struggle but we’re here and that means our realities exist and are just as valid as those of the people who would deny us for the sake of their own comfort.
None of us need ever face this kind of battle again alone and isolated, nor need we ever doubt that finding our true selves and living as we choose to present ourselves is ever wrong, it isn’t. For those who find they cannot live with us as we are, then let them live without us and in time they will discover the loss and feel the; emptiness left where our love used to be.
It’s a void that cannot be filled by righteous indignation, self-serving feelings of betrayal,or immature embarrassment at the life-celebrating actions of another. It’s a
void that will last a lifetime and be felt by the generation who follows and inherits the actions of their parents.
And it is to them that we must show the most patience and love because it is through no fault of their own that they were born in an age of intolerance and self-serving egocentrism. Look to the future when your grandchildren have grown up hearing about this mystery person, maybe half remembered, which became someone else and was shunned for doing so.
I promise when they become young adults (teenagers off to college etc.) that they will contact you because, if nothing else, the curiosity will drive them crazy. It’s then that they will come to know You as you would like them to know you and not as those around them may have portrayed you.
You are a wonderful, courageous, and loving person so smile, knowing that we’re here and we care and make this your motto:
Noli nothis permittere te terere (Don’t let the bastards get you down).
JAMIE LEE – A Transsexual woman…………………….