DECEPTION – JAMIE LEE


MY OPINION – FACT OR CRAP

We in the Transgendered Community, have come a long way, recently, in Education, Laws, Acceptance,

and freedom, by leaps and bounds!

EVEN WITH THE LABELS AND TERMS USED

A few years ago, naturally born women were called “Genetic Females” and we were referred as Cross-dressers, in the Transgendered Community,   I and some others are called “Transsexuals”

Then an intense study was done by the Medical and Scientific Community, and they found that,

Trans-sexuality is caused by “Genetics” !

Hmmmmm.  Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy !  Now I have the reason I was born this way, an answer if been seeking all my life!

AND IT POINTS OUT,  THAT I AM A FEMALE BORN IN THE WRONG BODY!!!!!!

(INDIVIDUALS IN THIS COMMUNITY CAN PLAY WITH VERBAGE ALL THEY WANT}

BUT THE FACT ARE WE ARE NOT, NATAL WOMEN !!!!!

When the above Study was completed, it then allowed us transsexuals to refer to ourselves as Genetic Woman, Justifiably so!

So this changes the terminology in the following manner:

1. A naturally born woman is now referred to as a “NATAL WOMAN”

2. Transsexual woman are and can be referred to as “GENETIC WOMAN”

BUT, WE ARE NOT NATAL WOMEN, AND TO DECEIVE ANY ONE, IN PUBLIC, ESPECIALLY IN THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY IS WRONG !!!!!!!!!   And especially to rely on the ignorance of the public, where they don’t understand the terms, into thinking we are “NATAL FEMALES”

I EVEN TOOK MY OPINION TO THE NEXT STEP, AND CALLED A FEW OF MY LONG TERM FRIENDS IN OUR COMMUNITY AND ASKED THEIR OPINION!

HERE IS WHAT THEY SAID:

1. They agreed with what I said above.

2.  They said it was ok to identify ourselves in public, as being born female and on the internet, etc, which I agree with.

3.  We all agreed. that we can refer to us as females, but the moment it becomes a friendship with anyone, we need to be honest and truthful, and not deceive them into thinking we are “NATALLY BORN WOMAN”

AND I SAY, EXPECIALLY WHEN A PERSON IS TRANSGENDERED, AND PLAYS WITH WORDS, TO DECEIVE US, AS SISTERS IN THE COMMUNITY, ABOUT THEIR TRANSITION!

IT IS IGNORANT AND DISRESPECTFULL TO US AND TO NATAL WOMAN!

Jamie Lee – Genetic Transsexual Woman

GLBT ADOVOCATE

NOTICE:

I AND MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION IS ABOUT EDUCATION AND SUPPORT!  I AM GOING TO BE BOLD ENOUGH TO SAY , I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS ABOUT THE TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY.

I APPOLOGIZE FOR MY BRASHNESS SOMETIMES, BUT I THINK THAT COMES FROM,  BEING EX-LAW ENFORCEMENT FOR 30 YEARS.  IF ANYONE DISAGREES WITH ANY STORY, STATEMENT, OR OPINION SEEN ON THE “CRYSTAL CONNECTION”   I INVITE YOU TO CORRECT ME, OR SAY WHERE I AM WRONG

Thank you – Jamie Lee

OH, by the way, I want to warn you!

Don’t ever get into a pissing contest with a skunk!  You will always lose!

and

Never try to “BULLSHIT a “BULLSHITTER”

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—– GAZEBO – LIFE – DEATH – MY FREEDOM – MY RELATIVES – THEIR RESPONSES-NUMBER 1


horse -girl

 

SINCE LAST SATURDAY, AND MY RELATIVES ASKING & LEARNING ABOUT ME!  BEING TRANSSEXUAL,

I HAVE DECIDED TO POST THEIR RESPONSES!

 

Hi Jamie,

Wow!  It’s been a long time and a lot has changed.  I am sure you know which cousin I am because I don’t think there is another Cindy but just in case, Kate and Sam’s Cindy

Over the past few years I have heard about what you are going through and today was able to find your website/blog.  I will not begin to say I understand what you are going through, however, I learned a lot from visiting your website.

I do not pass judgment and truly wish you well.  After reading your journey etc., my heart was broken and I was left feeling very sad.  It is a difficult situation to be in, especially after living a tortured life with such a big secret.  I can’t even imagine what you went through (especially as a child) all of those years, but I give you a lot of credit for being a great person and living a good life.  Most of all, I have the utmost respect for you “coming out.”  That’s really the only way to freedom.  Hopefully, one day you will be accepted for who you are today and live the life you have only dreamed about.

For the most part I am a very busy person.   I work a 40 hour job and more at times, am raising my almost 11 year old grandson (we adopted), who suffers from PTSD and a magnitude of other problems and just don’t have a lot of free time.  With that said, I would love to chat with you via email.  I don’t do Facebook etc.  Too busy.  I would like to offer my support and lend an ear when you need one.

You were always my favorite guy cousin and I will miss Jim, but am certain I would like Jamie just as much and who knows, maybe even more. Jaime, you deserve to be happy.  Hang in there, stay strong and write back!   Take care of yourself.  Got to get the kid to bed………………..

Sending My Love,

Cindy

AND TO HER I SAY!!!!    OMG,  THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KIND AND LOVING E-MAIL!   YOU DON’T HAVE ANY IDEA, HOW YOUR WORDS MADE ME FEEL.   I REALLY DIDN’T FEEL YOU WOULD HAVE SAID ANYTHING DIFFERENT!   THANK YOU AGAIN,  SO VERY MUCH…………………………………………………JAMIE LEE

 

Jamie

Thanks for getting back to me so quick and just to clear things up…………………….I am not sad because of who you were and who you are trying to become.  I am endlessly sad that the average person can not be open to change.

You are more than welcome to post whatever I say to you via email.  Please don’t take my name out of it!  I sincerely have no fear of what I believe in.  I would be proud to see my name supporting you and all of the other people going through the same thing.  I openly support what you have been through and are trying to achieve.

It’s getting late for me, but I really wish you the best.  Would love to see you sometime.  I live in Bucks County, but visit often in Phoenixville, so may be we could do lunch and/or shopping.  I would love it.  Going though my own personal hell.  Miss you!

Take care,

Cindy

 

Cindy,

You don’t know how much your acceptance, and comments mean to me.   As you read my blog and understand more, you will know why!

For you to say that I can actually use your name, is huge to me.  My God, Thank you so much for your understanding, acceptance,  and support of me!

I have always been close to you………………………

Thank you

Jamie

 

 

POST # 2 – A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!!


Jamie-standing

THERE IS NO RULES FOR US AS TRANSSEXUALS!    I FEEL THAT THERE ARE SOCIATAL RULES FOR A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,  AS WELL AS WELL AS THE CONDUCT OF THE GAY AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE! 

   WHEN I WAS BORN,  THERE WAS NO INSTRUCTIONS,  THAT CAME WITH THE PACKAGE.  THERE WERE NO RULES,  AS WELL AS A “BOOK OF “HOYLE” , THAT CAME ALONG WITH THE PARAMATERS OF THE GAME.

      A book of Hoyle   Contains all the Games Played in the United States, with Rules, Descriptions, and Technicalities Adapted to the American Methods of Playing!

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying, that in life there is structured rules for the behaviorisms of the Heterosexual Relationships , however there are certain paths that are obvious!

Meet, date, marry, have children, walk hand in hand, arms around each other, have children, go dancing, be a  women attend to their hair,  and beauty, along with the rest.  Men watch sports, go hunting, fishing, work, be a law abiding citizen. look at photos of their marriage or life, reminisce, raise their children, grow old together, and then die!

You get the point!

Now to Cross dressers & Transsexuals

Again, understand the difference between the two:  Cross dressers have feminine feelings, like to dress on occasion as woman, can take the cloths off, and life goes on!  Typically these individuals are in healthy, Heterosexual Relationships.

Transsexuals on the other hand, were dealt the fate, to be born in the wrong body, have a core value of femininity, which is a life long struggle do deal with, and to come to terms with,  in their own self-acceptance.  Our brains are that of a natal woman, but our bodies don’t match.  The cause of this, to-date is from GENETICS

Now, what are the rules for us?  There are none!  We were born with no instructions, directions or rules, we have to fly by the seat of our pants, and usually on one engine

There is no one that can teach us, so we seek the comfort of  others in the same dilemma, for those answers!

Now I will say some things before I get back to the topic of my children!   As a male,  I have done all the things I stated above, in the heterosexual rules.

Don’t get me wrong,  I would not replace a thing, that I experienced.   As a male, I met my wife, (which by the way will be the topic of, my next progressive post ) Message to my children:  I loved her, I wanted to get married, I wanted Children! Especially YOU!

I am getting emotional – so I need this song to bring me back!

A song that I have listened too so many times

BECAUSE IT IS HOW I FEEL

BACK TO REALITY !!!!!  And my story, and my feelings, hopes dreams and aspirations…………………………….

TO MAKE A POINT!  I COVERED ABOVE THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOURISMS, OF A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP!

When I was delivered, the Doctor slapped ME, when in fact,  he should have slapped,  the shit out of my Mother for giving birth to me!

I didn’t know what my fate was as a baby.  It wasn’t until the age of 5-7 years old,  that I realized, I was different! And initially I didn’t know what extreme trauma would accompany that!  Could I exist? NO!  So I had to learn at that young age to HIDE!  So I hid!  And I grew up into adolescence and hid.  I grew as a teenager and I hid.  I went into the Military and hid.  I went into Law Enforcement and I continued to hide, even into the beginning of my marriage.  I was highly trained in the Art of hiding!  For fear of  being hurt!  I was a highly trained “NINJA” in the Art of hiding, and deception, and lack of courage, to deal with the dynamics of who I was, and born to be by the grace of GOD!  I couldn’t dance as Jamie, I couldn’t live as Jamie, I couldn’t sing as Jamie, watch sports, TV, hold hands, and experience life as Jamie!      Jamie had to hide !  What she did best !

IT IS NOW, THAT I WANT TO INTERJECT SOMETHING, WHICH I PRAY TO GOD WILL INSTILL A REALIZATION INTO MY WIFE, CHILDREN, LOVED ONE’S AND FRIENDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND TO THE MAJORITY OF SOCIETY,  WHO DENIES ME !!

I WANT YOU !  TO STUDY THIS PHOTO BELOW!

I WANT YOU TO SHOW THE RESPECT AND,  STUDY IT CLOSELY !!

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Incarceration is compared,  to the years of being incarcerated.   A person who has received a life sentence, and spent say approximately 30 years in prison, can become dependent and institutionalized.   If they are fortunate enough to be Pardoned, and step out into Society, it can be surreal and even traumatizing. 

I COMPARE MY OWN LIFE, AS BEING INCARCERATED

for so many reasons

What this photo above means to me and about me, is the surreal feelings, the feeling of being released from incarceration, of who I was inside and meant to be. 

When I saw this Gazebo in the middle of the Park

I didn’t have fore thought about,  what I was about to do

It was like I was driven by some unknown force, whether, it be a God or a Goddess, or just a divine intervention

I just walked to the middle of it, threw up my arms, and screamed at the top of my voice!

I AM JAMIE LEE AND I AM FREE !!!!!!!!!

I wasn’t thinking about loved ones,  friends,  foes or anything else.   I was thinking about ME!  JUST ME!

It was almost was like, I felt at birth – I was reborn – I felt like a woman,  in it’s divine totality, I felt the beauty of the Estrogen,  flowing in my body, Soul and Spirit-I finally felt freedom, and completeness,  even if it was,  for a short period of time.  It was euphoric!

In hind-sight, I wish I knew, what the other people in, voice range, in the Park,  thought, when the heard me yell that!

I have been living with a pink elephant, in the living room,  for far too long.  My family, at times supportive, and at other times wanting me to just keep things status quo, and, to avoid the conflict of my transition.  My transition is not a choice, it’s a fact,  and even during times when we don’t talk about it,  which is unfortunately more often than not, the issue is there, always like that big pink elephant that we all know is there,  but refuse to acknowledge.  I have a son in law that doesn’t even know I am transgendered.  My daughter has told me over and over again that she supports me and loves me no matter what,  but then on the other hand,  says that we can’t tell her husband or his family because they “won’t understand”.  My daughter seems to feel that it is better to protect her husband,  and in-laws from my reality,  but is it really?

Eventually the truth will come out, it has to,  and when it does,  I am afraid they will feel betrayed,  when they find out that she knew all along,  and hid it from them.  She says she supports and accepts,  me but lies to her husband, her partner in life about her own parent?  I wish she could understand that,  not only does this forced double life hurt me, it is very likely to hurt her marriage,  because of her lies.

My son’s wife and I were really close at one time, having long conversations about being transgendered,  and also about my transitioning.  She seemed very interested and understanding.  I thought we had a very close relationship,  until I found out that at a party,  she was telling other people including my wife,  that I was talking about my blog,  and about what I blog about,  which is transgendered issues.  This caused a huge conflict within the family and left me feeling very betrayed.  How can she tell me over and over that she understands,  and that she supports me,  and then go behind my back like that?

Which is true?  Did she mean it when she said she understood and accepted me?,  or does she really think I am wrong?  It has hurt my trust in her.  This has also perpetuated some problems between my son and I .  He asked me if I wanted to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving and as soon as I said ‘sure, just let me get changed” he said that if I was going to go “dressed” as Jamie then he didn’t want to go.  How disappointed I was, that he was embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with me.  I wish I could make him understand that Jamie, is me,   I don’t “dress as” Jamie.  In the future to their homes, but I do plan,  to just get in the car and stop asking for permission to be who I am.  Why should I have to ask permission for what to wear from anyone much less my son.

There was an insinuation,  that they accepted me, however, didn’t want me around for fear of what, their son, will have to deal with in school, etc.

My Grandson is a little over 2 years old !

SO YOU BE THE JUDGE, IS THIS FACT? OR CRAP?

I know!

FRIVOLOUS

A word characterized by lack of seriousness , sense or purpose, not worthy any more,  of serious notice!

To me, this is a moment of solemn realization, that comes crashing

in on you out of no where!

When I just typed this, for the first time, I thought about that Horse.  The one that is attached to a Carriage, and has that CARROT. dangling in front of him, and keeps, walking, running, and pushing forward, to get it.  I wonder if that horse, ever realizes that he can’t get it?  And stops going after it,  as it still dangles in front of him, knowing that,  he still loves  this  carrot, however was unreachable!

In my life at present, as pertains to my hopes, dreams aspirations, which is my carrot !

You see, it wasn’t until a few days ago, that I had to deal,  with the word frivolous.

In my life, the most important things, like love, relationships, children, friends, goals, acceptances of my self and others and especially MY FEELINGS ABOUT INFINITY – seem to be frivolous, it deeply hurts me.

DOES IT MEAN, THAT AT THIS MOMENT, I WILL GIVE UP – NO –  BUT SINCE, THE REALIZATION HITS YOU. THROUGH THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF ALL THE PEOPLE OR THINGS MENTIONED – THEY,  ARE GUILTY OF CREATING THIS FEELING WITHIN ME,  TOWARDS, THINGS OR ACTIONS,  BEING FRIVOLOUS, AND CAN’T BLAME ME,  FOR ANY OF MY ACTIONS!

DO I TRULY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT,  HOW MY CHILDREN ACCEPT AND FEEL ABOUT ME, BEING TRANSSEXUAL?

NO! NOT IN IT’S TOTALITY,  BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT CONVERSE WITH ME ABOUT IT !  HOW SAD !

WILL THEY BE ANGRY, WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THEM

 ABOVE?

MOST LIKELY

BUT ONE THING I KNOW !!!  I MUST PLAY THE CARDS AS THEY FALL

I AM

JAMIE LEE

A TRANSSEXUAL – GENETIC WOMAN

AND FOR ALL TO KNOW – I AM NOT GIVING UP YET, ON ANYTHING

thank you for reading my story

“BRIAN CATE” THANK YOU ! FOR EVERYTHING ! JAMIE LEE…………..More of my Journey to South Carolina


If you the reader, understands what I have been through in my life and career, you may possibly understand the intensity of what I am about to write.

Here is a Honorable man, who is going through the same intensity and problems in life, we all are persevering due to the Economy, so and so fourth……

Here is a man that taught me the True meaning of  “Shit & Shinola”  in my life. 

BRIAN SAID TO ME THAT, BEFORE I LEAVE AND GO OUT INTO THE WORLD, HE WOULD TEACH ME THIS!  AND NOW I AM READY TO OUT AS JAMIE LEE………..

He is a proud man, who even through his own trial & tribulations, opened the doors to his heart, home and family, to someone he didn’t even know.   ME…………..

His wife was very ill and at times on the cusps of death, and he still did many things for me.  He went out of his way, to have me call in to the Kinetic Radio show,  from home one day.   He then in the midst of his own, stress, and severe family problems, made it possible for me to come there in person and appear on the Kinetic Radio Show!

Basically every morning when he woke up, I was sitting out side on his patio, by myself.   He made Coffee, and invited me to have some. (By the way thank you Brian-You don’t know how bad I needed coffee, each morning)  .

Any way, he and I sat talking about, many aspects of life, which I believe inspired me, as well as I pray that some of my words, inspired him.

I HAVE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT!

I am a Transsexual woman, who has survived the pain and suffering, trials and tribulations, of my transition.  Who is trying to find the meaning and and courage of self acceptance.  I must be honest that when I was driving to there home, I was scared.  I was scared of the unknown. I apparently was the first Transsexual their family has ever met in person. Actually I was a little terrified, of how they would receive and accept me………When I finally arrived at their home, my “radar” so to say, was operational.  Everyone I met, I searched for signs, of nonacceptance, of signs of feeling I was some kind of oddity!

Another Trans Person can relate to what I am saying.  I was looking for signs of disrespect, laughter, ridicule, during my whole stay with them.  NOT only, did I not experience any of that, what I experienced from this family was the total opposite!

This family treated me as a true woman, in an unfettered manner. They opened their doors and made me feel like I was part of their family.  You must understand that we were total strangers until then.  They made me feel truly like I was “A bag of chips and all that”   I truly in my wildest dreams didn’t know how to take such an open minded and kind family.  Their son was wonderful as well as their daughter.  Even a relative named Sarah was totally acceptable of me. It made me feel like I was thrown into a UTOPIA…………………To this whole family, and their inspiration along with acceptance, I curtsey to you!

Thank you ever so much……….Jamie Lee

CURTSEY

BACK TO BRIAN……..

One day half way through my visit, Brian and I were alone in the kitchen and he very compassionately said these words to me!

Jamie Lee, thank you for being here and inspiring my wife, to survive, to get out of bed, and live, to get back into her art and photography, and to help bring her back to me” 

OH MY GOD!  How does a person respond to a man that says that to you?  It can’t be answered by a mere “your welcome” Brian.  I feel this family learned a multitude of  things from me as well as they intensely inspired my own self-acceptance!

Another gift they gave to me was the day, that they teamed up on me, and said “Jamie” take off you wig!  You are what is underneath it.  Be FREE…………………….!  I DID!

The last thing that I find interesting, is that they all gave me permission, to post their family photos and names on my BLOG!

And show, what their integrity, and hearts, are about as a family,  showing the truest acceptance of diversity, acceptance and the Human Condition…………………….I AM HUMBLE

new Brian & jamie 2

The Cate Family photo

SO BRIAN THANK YOU!  FOR TEACHING ME THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “SHIT AND SHINOLA” !!!!!!

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!  THANK YOU FOR OPENING YOUR HOME TO ME  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One last thing I would like to add.   I pray that I did not disrespect, your home, family, children in any manner!  And if I did, I am truly sorry!

YOU ARE TRULY AN AMAZING PERSON…………………………………..

Thank you,

Jamie Lee…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..