WOW – THIS SPEAKES FOR IT SELF — JAMIE LEE – THANK YOU SUSAN !


 Just sent to me from a Dear Friend, Susan.  Who is a minister.    She is into public speaking.  And sent this!  

This past week I gave a “temple talk” (short informational homily) at both of our services about becoming a Reconciling in Christ congregation and will be speaking at our annual meeting on the 3rd.  Sponsering a forum on Suicide on the 14th because we have had a few over the last 3 or 4 years.  The presenter will be talking about the reasons for suicide and LGBT issues are right up there.  On the 24th we will have a panel discussion between a couple of members of our congregation (both raised children that were gay) and several students from “Outlook” an LGBT group on campus.
Her presentation:
…And God, just whom is it that you love?

The headline in a west suburban paper of 1954 could have read, “Tragedy strikes a new family.”  The eleven year old boy who was found by his family in the bathroom was a victim of apparent suicide.  Although new to the area, the boy was a straight A student and a faithful follower of the Lord at Saint Peters Lutheran Church where he was preparing for his confirmation.

But that isn’t what the paper said.  The paper never said anything because the suicide failed.  The boy who had already saved his mother from a beating and protected his little sister had to survive.  Maybe it was that combined with all the guilt that overcame the frustration and confusion that pervaded and agonized his soul.  As the blood trickled down on the cream-colored blouse and brown tweed skirt he was wearing, could it be that he knew he couldn’t be found dressed this way?  Or maybe inserting the knife for that instant hurt more than all he was already enduring.

Jesus asks Peter, “Whom do you love?” not once but three times.  Is this because Peter denied him three times?  Of course, Peter’s response is,  “You, Lord.”  Is turn about fair play?  Since Jesus asks, “Whom do you love? Are we allowed the same question?  God who is it that you love?

Religious belief can be a good thing.  It is the theology that becomes warped.  It is very easy to become faithful followers out of fear and guilt.  After all, look what happens to God’s chosen people. Freed from the bondage of slavery, they got to wander in the wilderness long enough so that not one of that generation enters the promised land.

God has made “man” as part of his creation but destroys whole cities and even floods the world to rid it of all the evil, saving two of each  creature and one human family so that there can be a new beginning.

Was what God created so terribly bad that just about all of it had to be destroyed?  Is that the only solution that an all-knowing, ever present, loving God can find?

Remember that boy studying his Luther’s Small Catechism?  Look at what Luther has to say about the fifth commandment:  what does this mean?  We should fear and love God that we may not hurt nor do harm to our neighbor in his body, but rather help and befriend him in every bodily need.  What does God forbid in the fifth commandment?  Answer:  God forbids us to take the life of a fellow human (murder) or our own life (suicide).  What happens if one knowingly disobeys God’s command?  Surely there are sufficient examples, lest you look back and be turned to stone.  Is it any wonder then that those who hear of fire and brimstone and little of salvation should wonder who it is that God loves, and if this is God’s love, who wants it!

There must be another answer, an answer that can only come through a maturity of belief and an understanding of “The Word” as a guide for the kind of life God wants for us.  Some of those who have been born again and saved look to “The Word” as all that is true, no interpretation required.  Pick any verse, any passage, and it will tell you what you must do to live a godly life.  You are called to live the Law and not sin.  Yes, you are saved, but once saved go and sin no more.

Jumping forward in time, the boy who escaped suicide compensated for his sinful nature by being a man in uniform protecting his country.  At 19 he was entrusted with analysis of Soviet missile launches to determine if a counter strike was called for.  He married, became a father three times over and tried to set an example for his children by providing for them the best he could, working two or three jobs while going to school, bringing them to church and Sunday school each week.  He became a Sunday school teacher, then superintendent, and even a scoutmaster.  Trying to build things and not being good at it.  Teaching survival skills and going camping, although he hated it.  And every once in a while, because he was still slender, he would sneak away, try on his wife’s clothes, and feel at peace until the guilt returned in a flash.

As God created the heavens, earth and all that was on it, God would stop and be pleased, for what God created was good.  The creation story continues as God creates humans in God’s own image.  God is neither male nor female.  God is all, so when God created humans, we look to Genesis 1:27:  “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them.”  And at 1:31, “God saw all that He made, and it was very good.”  It is in chapter two of Genesis that God creates woman, beginning at verse 22.  “Then God made woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.  The man said, ‘This is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;  she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.’”  There had been no male and female independent of one another.  Woman was taken out of man, implying that originally man in God’s image was indeed both male and female.

The struggle today is for unity, oneness to be whole again and to be in the image of God.  Early Native American cultures recognize three genders, male, female, and a third that embodies both male and female.  That third gender is revered and treated as a holy one given to teach the ways of life.

Latest scientific findings have shown that gender is determined early in the first trimester.  All fetuses interestingly start as female, and it is only through certain antigens that imprint the DNA that we develop males.  Not every fetus experiences the same events, so there is a wide variety of development from the fully physical male with full male sex qualities to the fully physical female who embodies all female sex qualities.  This leaves room for millions of variations all along the continuum from one end to the other.  Surely one could be physically male and posses a female brain where gender lies, or the opposite.   As we observe the world that God has made and the vastness of the heavens, all the possible combinations and the greatness of diversity, can we not understand why God would be pleased to say it was very good?

If I were a born again Christian, I might look to Deuteronomy 22:5 where it says that a woman must not wear men’s clothing nor a man wear women’s clothing, and use this verse to prove that those who express any variation in gender are detested by God.  What one forgets is that the early Old Testament is an oral history of generations, codified for later progeny, and that it is the story of the coming of Israel.  The warning is in part that God does not want the Israelites to take on the religious practices of the countries that they conquered and occupied.  Priests and priestesses of the Canaanites and followers of Molech indeed changed clothes as part of their religious ceremonies.  That is all part of the early laws such as not wearing garments of wool and linen woven together, nor could they have tassels at the corners of their cloaks.  It was okay, however, for parents to bring a rebellious son before the elders so that all the men of the town could stone him to death (Deut. 21:18-22).

Luckily, God has saved us all.  As Jesus teaches Nicodemus (John 3:16) , “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”  Surely, when Jesus refers to the world, He is being inconclusive, for it is whoever believes.  In first John 2:2 we read, “He is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.”  We see through this that it is God who acts.  God grants us salvation which is nothing that we can do, win, or earn.  It is grace.  So what does that mean for the seemingly lost boy at the beginning?

When saved, we are told of our salvation and also given a command to go and sin no more.  We understand that we can not, even having been forgiven, that we can go about now and live a perfect life.  Even Paul says that he continues to do that which he does not want to do and does not do that which he ought.  Having faith we are brought to God, absolved of sin, knowing we will continue to sin but will in all earnestness attempt to live a life according to God’s will.  Surely, this reconciliation is proof of God’s love for us.

Whom do you love, God?  Everyone for all time.  God loves each of us no matter what our skin color may be, God loves those of wealth and the poor, God loves those of sound mind and body along with those mentally challenged or weak and infirm.  God loves heterosexuals, homosexuals, trans-gendered or transsexual people.  God loves those who try to live by God’s teaching as well as thieves, murderers and terrorists.  God is like a parent, not liking what we may do at times, but always offering forgiveness and love.

And now how does one respond to God’s love?  First, we must consider that that young man caught up in anguish and frustration is not a sinner because he wears women’s clothing.  He is in fact living as God has meant him to, continually seeking the oneness that he can only feel when freely able to recognize both his maleness and femaleness.  If God gave someone male body, and female gender, then how could this person deny the feminine part that God has made, and whose creation pleased God?  Similarly, the same person must live and enjoy his maleness.  His entire being is brought together in one body, being like the Lord, by living in God’s image, both male and female.

We are called to love God and to love one another as we love ourselves and as God has loved us.  If we return to the Old Testament, Leviticus 19:18 tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Jesus opens the parable of the Good Samaritan when a teacher asks him what he must do to inherit eternal life, and Jesus in return asks what is written in the Law.  The teacher responds, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.”  It is not possible for this person who is trans-gendered to love only part of his or her self and to hate the other part and then do as God commands.  There must be a oneness, a wholeness, to be able to love self and so to love a neighbor likewise, and to love God.

How are we to love?  We are to love as God has loved us.  We must be open to God’s voice.  We are all given gifts by God.  Some are gifts of healing, some teaching, some prophesying.  God equips us all to be witnesses.  Michael W. Foss, senior pastor at Lutheran Church of the Redeemer in Atlanta has stated, “You are the missionaries of the twenty-first century.  You will be invited into places and conversations that I as a pastor will never go.  If you are willing to take your faith with you and simply be open, God will present possibilities for witness that you cannot imagine.”  We have to learn to listen.  Listen to what God says and allow the Holy Spirit to enter our lives and guide us.

Two years ago I would never have thought of standing in a college classroom, dressed in a conservative suit with appropriate makeup, jewelry, hosiery and heels telling students of my life journey and sharing with them the depth of my feelings and my faith in God’s plan for me.  And now this year, open to God’s call, I’ve been led to explain all of this to the evangelical fundamentalists who thought they might save me from my sinful self.  Many times Paul wrote about being aware of false prophets.  These people who were about saving souls by cherry picking verses from the Old Testament forgot the overriding message:  God loves me as I am so that I can love myself, love you, and love God.  I am called to be a disciple–to tell of God’s love and grace.  Salvation is not for Jews alone;  Paul preached salvation to the Gentiles.  In Galatians 2:15, he says, “We who are Jews by birth and not Gentile sinners know that a man is not justified by observing the law but by faith in Jesus Christ. . . .  By observing the Law no one will be justified.”  By God’s grace we all are saved, so as a forgiven sinner, by birth in the likeness of God male and female, I am called to share the Good News.

The Good News that I, no longer that suicidal boy, am now prepared to share with you is that  Jesus Christ, God’s true and only son, died for me a cross dressing trans-gendered person, was raised and lives forever.  It is by grace because God loves me that I am saved.  The greatest thing about the Good News is that the same has been done for you and all the world.  Indeed, God loves us one and ALL.  Rejoice!

I just received this, after learning that a very close relative to me died.  I find it interesting that things come to you at moments of despair………………THIS IS THE ANSWER TO WHAT WE IN THE COMMUNITY, HAVE BEEN SEEEKING, AN IT IS TO HER THAT I SAY! CUDOS, AND I AM PROUD TO BE HER FRIEND!!

JAMIE LEE

 

————————- I LIVE IN THE ABYSS ————- JAMIE LEE


I have searched and searched to find a song,  that is about me!  I have just found it!   I KNOW NOW, THAT THIS IS MY LIFE, AND THE WAY I HAVE FELT,  AS A TRANSSEXUAL WOMAN !!!   OVER MY YEARS OF TEARS.

LET ME LIVE ! BEFORE YOU LET ME DIE !

JAMIE LEE

BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO BE THE SADDEST EXISTANCE EVER

BUT I WILL SURVIVE

EVERY PICTURE AND PHOTO, IN THIS VIDEO,  IS ME AND HOW I HAVE FELT SINCE MY CHILDHOOD

ALONE IN THIS NIGHTMARE

POST # 2 – A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!!


Jamie-standing

THERE IS NO RULES FOR US AS TRANSSEXUALS!    I FEEL THAT THERE ARE SOCIATAL RULES FOR A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,  AS WELL AS WELL AS THE CONDUCT OF THE GAY AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE! 

   WHEN I WAS BORN,  THERE WAS NO INSTRUCTIONS,  THAT CAME WITH THE PACKAGE.  THERE WERE NO RULES,  AS WELL AS A “BOOK OF “HOYLE” , THAT CAME ALONG WITH THE PARAMATERS OF THE GAME.

      A book of Hoyle   Contains all the Games Played in the United States, with Rules, Descriptions, and Technicalities Adapted to the American Methods of Playing!

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not saying, that in life there is structured rules for the behaviorisms of the Heterosexual Relationships , however there are certain paths that are obvious!

Meet, date, marry, have children, walk hand in hand, arms around each other, have children, go dancing, be a  women attend to their hair,  and beauty, along with the rest.  Men watch sports, go hunting, fishing, work, be a law abiding citizen. look at photos of their marriage or life, reminisce, raise their children, grow old together, and then die!

You get the point!

Now to Cross dressers & Transsexuals

Again, understand the difference between the two:  Cross dressers have feminine feelings, like to dress on occasion as woman, can take the cloths off, and life goes on!  Typically these individuals are in healthy, Heterosexual Relationships.

Transsexuals on the other hand, were dealt the fate, to be born in the wrong body, have a core value of femininity, which is a life long struggle do deal with, and to come to terms with,  in their own self-acceptance.  Our brains are that of a natal woman, but our bodies don’t match.  The cause of this, to-date is from GENETICS

Now, what are the rules for us?  There are none!  We were born with no instructions, directions or rules, we have to fly by the seat of our pants, and usually on one engine

There is no one that can teach us, so we seek the comfort of  others in the same dilemma, for those answers!

Now I will say some things before I get back to the topic of my children!   As a male,  I have done all the things I stated above, in the heterosexual rules.

Don’t get me wrong,  I would not replace a thing, that I experienced.   As a male, I met my wife, (which by the way will be the topic of, my next progressive post ) Message to my children:  I loved her, I wanted to get married, I wanted Children! Especially YOU!

I am getting emotional – so I need this song to bring me back!

A song that I have listened too so many times

BECAUSE IT IS HOW I FEEL

BACK TO REALITY !!!!!  And my story, and my feelings, hopes dreams and aspirations…………………………….

TO MAKE A POINT!  I COVERED ABOVE THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOURISMS, OF A HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP!

When I was delivered, the Doctor slapped ME, when in fact,  he should have slapped,  the shit out of my Mother for giving birth to me!

I didn’t know what my fate was as a baby.  It wasn’t until the age of 5-7 years old,  that I realized, I was different! And initially I didn’t know what extreme trauma would accompany that!  Could I exist? NO!  So I had to learn at that young age to HIDE!  So I hid!  And I grew up into adolescence and hid.  I grew as a teenager and I hid.  I went into the Military and hid.  I went into Law Enforcement and I continued to hide, even into the beginning of my marriage.  I was highly trained in the Art of hiding!  For fear of  being hurt!  I was a highly trained “NINJA” in the Art of hiding, and deception, and lack of courage, to deal with the dynamics of who I was, and born to be by the grace of GOD!  I couldn’t dance as Jamie, I couldn’t live as Jamie, I couldn’t sing as Jamie, watch sports, TV, hold hands, and experience life as Jamie!      Jamie had to hide !  What she did best !

IT IS NOW, THAT I WANT TO INTERJECT SOMETHING, WHICH I PRAY TO GOD WILL INSTILL A REALIZATION INTO MY WIFE, CHILDREN, LOVED ONE’S AND FRIENDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND TO THE MAJORITY OF SOCIETY,  WHO DENIES ME !!

I WANT YOU !  TO STUDY THIS PHOTO BELOW!

I WANT YOU TO SHOW THE RESPECT AND,  STUDY IT CLOSELY !!

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Photography by: Carolyn Cate

Incarceration is compared,  to the years of being incarcerated.   A person who has received a life sentence, and spent say approximately 30 years in prison, can become dependent and institutionalized.   If they are fortunate enough to be Pardoned, and step out into Society, it can be surreal and even traumatizing. 

I COMPARE MY OWN LIFE, AS BEING INCARCERATED

for so many reasons

What this photo above means to me and about me, is the surreal feelings, the feeling of being released from incarceration, of who I was inside and meant to be. 

When I saw this Gazebo in the middle of the Park

I didn’t have fore thought about,  what I was about to do

It was like I was driven by some unknown force, whether, it be a God or a Goddess, or just a divine intervention

I just walked to the middle of it, threw up my arms, and screamed at the top of my voice!

I AM JAMIE LEE AND I AM FREE !!!!!!!!!

I wasn’t thinking about loved ones,  friends,  foes or anything else.   I was thinking about ME!  JUST ME!

It was almost was like, I felt at birth – I was reborn – I felt like a woman,  in it’s divine totality, I felt the beauty of the Estrogen,  flowing in my body, Soul and Spirit-I finally felt freedom, and completeness,  even if it was,  for a short period of time.  It was euphoric!

In hind-sight, I wish I knew, what the other people in, voice range, in the Park,  thought, when the heard me yell that!

I have been living with a pink elephant, in the living room,  for far too long.  My family, at times supportive, and at other times wanting me to just keep things status quo, and, to avoid the conflict of my transition.  My transition is not a choice, it’s a fact,  and even during times when we don’t talk about it,  which is unfortunately more often than not, the issue is there, always like that big pink elephant that we all know is there,  but refuse to acknowledge.  I have a son in law that doesn’t even know I am transgendered.  My daughter has told me over and over again that she supports me and loves me no matter what,  but then on the other hand,  says that we can’t tell her husband or his family because they “won’t understand”.  My daughter seems to feel that it is better to protect her husband,  and in-laws from my reality,  but is it really?

Eventually the truth will come out, it has to,  and when it does,  I am afraid they will feel betrayed,  when they find out that she knew all along,  and hid it from them.  She says she supports and accepts,  me but lies to her husband, her partner in life about her own parent?  I wish she could understand that,  not only does this forced double life hurt me, it is very likely to hurt her marriage,  because of her lies.

My son’s wife and I were really close at one time, having long conversations about being transgendered,  and also about my transitioning.  She seemed very interested and understanding.  I thought we had a very close relationship,  until I found out that at a party,  she was telling other people including my wife,  that I was talking about my blog,  and about what I blog about,  which is transgendered issues.  This caused a huge conflict within the family and left me feeling very betrayed.  How can she tell me over and over that she understands,  and that she supports me,  and then go behind my back like that?

Which is true?  Did she mean it when she said she understood and accepted me?,  or does she really think I am wrong?  It has hurt my trust in her.  This has also perpetuated some problems between my son and I .  He asked me if I wanted to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving and as soon as I said ‘sure, just let me get changed” he said that if I was going to go “dressed” as Jamie then he didn’t want to go.  How disappointed I was, that he was embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with me.  I wish I could make him understand that Jamie, is me,   I don’t “dress as” Jamie.  In the future to their homes, but I do plan,  to just get in the car and stop asking for permission to be who I am.  Why should I have to ask permission for what to wear from anyone much less my son.

There was an insinuation,  that they accepted me, however, didn’t want me around for fear of what, their son, will have to deal with in school, etc.

My Grandson is a little over 2 years old !

SO YOU BE THE JUDGE, IS THIS FACT? OR CRAP?

I know!

FRIVOLOUS

A word characterized by lack of seriousness , sense or purpose, not worthy any more,  of serious notice!

To me, this is a moment of solemn realization, that comes crashing

in on you out of no where!

When I just typed this, for the first time, I thought about that Horse.  The one that is attached to a Carriage, and has that CARROT. dangling in front of him, and keeps, walking, running, and pushing forward, to get it.  I wonder if that horse, ever realizes that he can’t get it?  And stops going after it,  as it still dangles in front of him, knowing that,  he still loves  this  carrot, however was unreachable!

In my life at present, as pertains to my hopes, dreams aspirations, which is my carrot !

You see, it wasn’t until a few days ago, that I had to deal,  with the word frivolous.

In my life, the most important things, like love, relationships, children, friends, goals, acceptances of my self and others and especially MY FEELINGS ABOUT INFINITY – seem to be frivolous, it deeply hurts me.

DOES IT MEAN, THAT AT THIS MOMENT, I WILL GIVE UP – NO –  BUT SINCE, THE REALIZATION HITS YOU. THROUGH THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF ALL THE PEOPLE OR THINGS MENTIONED – THEY,  ARE GUILTY OF CREATING THIS FEELING WITHIN ME,  TOWARDS, THINGS OR ACTIONS,  BEING FRIVOLOUS, AND CAN’T BLAME ME,  FOR ANY OF MY ACTIONS!

DO I TRULY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT,  HOW MY CHILDREN ACCEPT AND FEEL ABOUT ME, BEING TRANSSEXUAL?

NO! NOT IN IT’S TOTALITY,  BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT CONVERSE WITH ME ABOUT IT !  HOW SAD !

WILL THEY BE ANGRY, WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT THEM

 ABOVE?

MOST LIKELY

BUT ONE THING I KNOW !!!  I MUST PLAY THE CARDS AS THEY FALL

I AM

JAMIE LEE

A TRANSSEXUAL – GENETIC WOMAN

AND FOR ALL TO KNOW – I AM NOT GIVING UP YET, ON ANYTHING

thank you for reading my story


WOW! WOW! I am actually proud and honored, to re-blog this on my Crystal Connection.. That resonates in my own Spirit, body and Soul. My God thank you for making me remember, what the above felt like, when it seduced ME!

CUDOS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a standing Applause!

Jamie Lee – Crystal Connection

HASTYWORDS

IMG_8811

 Written by ThinkSpeakTryst and HastyWords

Like a string on a violin

I sit waiting for fingers

Magical enough to coax

A beautiful melody from me

 

I remember when she spoke

The first time I heard her voice

It was soft, it was instrumental

Her music vibrated from her

 

Caressing each delicate chord

With a determined passion

Drawing conclusions in the air

Of desire in the crisp night sky

 

Sounds of despair

Pierce through the air

With each aching breath of music

She quietly sings her song

 

A symphony soon erupts

Carried on sharp moonlit rays

Slicing through darkness

Inspiring a new work of art

 

Intrigued by her own

Musical creation of  her intimidated

Spirit speaking softly to her

As she breaks through the walls surrounding

Her soul

 

Then, just like it was

In the first moments she seduced

The strings of the violin…

View original post 45 more words

A STORY ABOUT MY PRESENT LIFE & MY EXPECTATIONS ! MY CHILDREN !!! POST #1


 This post was inspired by my own thoughts and feelings!

Which, inspired me, to realize,  that it is time, to talk about my children!

MY WIFE, MY FAMILY & LOVED ONES

This is going to be one of the most intense posts I have written so far!

It will be a time line of sort!

Of people, places and things!

Because it is time to talk about things!

I have been holding off doing, because of my own fears!

Society is not first, and foremost in my life anymore!

My family, loved ones, friends are!

BUT! I must feel, that I can write freely, without censorship!  and anyone misinterpreting my words!

If you do, please show me the, respect and courtesy, to ask me what I meant!

 HOW DARE YOU ALLOW ME TO DIE !  WITHOUT ALLOWING ME TO LIVE

A quote from:  Jamie Lee

cropped patio

ME-MY LONELINESS

From Childhood’s hour I have not been as others were – I have not seen as others saw – I could not bring my passions from a common spring!   EDGAR ALLEN POE

    LONELY, AFRAID, ANGRY, CONFUSED, SECLUDED, INCARCERATED, DEPRESSED, TORTURED, TRAUMATIZED, FRUSTRATED,       MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY EXAUSTED, AND INCOMPLETE!

These are all real words to me!  When was the last time that you felt them all at the same time?

SEXUALITY & GENDER:  OUR SEXUALITY HAS TO BE WITHOUT FAULT!  IT MUST FUNCTION IN STRICT CONFORMITY WITH ALL CUSTOMS & LAWS!  NO MATTER HOW ILLOGICAL THEY ARE AND HOW MUCH HYPOCRICY THEY MAY GIVE RISE!

To be honest I am sick and tired, I am exhausted, I am fed up, I am pissed off,  by constantly being pissed on.  I am tired of the “Me Generation”  I am tired of constantly trying to prove myself to everyone, but not to myself.   Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven’s Door!  I am tired of hatred, discrimination, racism, hatred of cultures and religion, intolerance and deception!  I am weary of surviving.  It seems we are constantly being controlled by the Educated Derelicts of our World

.My philosophy is:

 ” It’s better to be, tried by 12, than carried by 6″ 

I am dealing with constant P.T.S.D, from my 30 years of Law-enforcement and going through what I did, dealing with the Dredges Of Society!  Standing on the Edge of the Abyss, to PROTECT YOU!   After being spun, folded and mutated, by the very Society that shuns ME!  I PLACED MY LIFE,  IN DANGER, EVERY DAY, FOR THE SAME ASS HOLES, WHO WON’T ACCEPT ME AS, WHO I AM, AND WHO I WAS BORN TO BE  !!!!!!!!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF

YOU ARE PATHETIC

AND NOW ABOUT MY CHILDREN

I raised my children with the following expectations and  Philosophy’s :  Stand up for yourselves, and never be taken advantage of.  Be the best you can be and anything!  Failing is OK, get up and go again.  Have a understanding of Morals, especially, your own!  Do not be a Racist, sexist or hypocrite!  Always have an open mind.  Respect people, places and things, as you want to be respected.  Live your life with integrity.  Make your own, children proud to follow in your footsteps.    DO NOT Discriminate!  Never show intolerance.  Always care about the feelings of others.  Respect cultures, religion and humanistic values!  If you don’t understand, educate your self before you make any decision!   For the purpose of this post I am writing about my expectations.  I was gifted and fortunate in life, to have a wife that believed in the same values and expectations.

Most importantly, we taught them about treating people compassionately, with their diversities, whether, it be handicaps, physical abnormalities, or skills, abilities and education !   Respect other peoples opinions and views……..!

And to be honest!  I am pretty damn proud of them!  Where they have gone, with their Careers, relationships, and goals!   I couldn’t ask for anything more, at least at the time, I felt that way.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT THE INTENSITY, PAIN AND SUFFERING, ALONG WITH ACCEPTANCE, UNDERSTANDING AND TREATEMENT OF US AS TRANSSEXUALS, IS GENERATIONAL.  WE AS OLDER TRANSEXXUALS, HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH,  MORE STRUGGLES TO TRANSITION, THEN THE YOUNGER, TRANSGENDERED COMMUNITY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….!

They can transition into their lives!  We have lived our lives, under constant fear, that we would lose the most precious things to us, our parents, our brothers & sisters, our Wives, our relationships, our significant others, our loved ones, our friends, and our children.  You see, we must transition into a life that we have already built, through our own trials and tribulations, fears and expectations.  And our own self-Acceptance.   It is not easy, in fact it is a nightmare, which no typical human being could fathom, or understand.

Now, back to the topic of my children!   Since the moment and time that I told my children that I was a transsexual, does anyone think that I was stupid enough not to understand the dynamics, that came along with that!  First was their reaction, and acceptance of me.  When I told each one of my two children the were in their late 20’s, my son and my daughter.  They both embraced me at that moment, and said it was OK.  It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

BUT, did they think for a moment, that I wasn’t aware, and conscious, concerning their ability’s and capabilities to understand?  Of course I was, I had to live through all the dilemma of exposing myself to them.  I knew, if I did, when they were children, that I could have changed their lives in so many ways.  Tragic in many ways.   Do they think I didn’t understand, especially back then, how they would have been ridiculed, laughed at, embarrassed, and humiliated by their friends and peers, knowing that their father was a Transsexual?   I did! Ever so intensely and painfully.  I did what any parent would do!  Protect them!  Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was right, but it was a choice.   Plus, how could I expect them, or anyone else to understand,  this shit back then, when I didn’t understand myself.   My God what a dilemma!  I felt like a mentally ill,  freak of nature.   Since childhood!

NOW MY CHILDREN ARE IN THEIR 30’s, MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. DECENT HUSBANDS AND WIFES, JOBS THAT HAVE PROFESSIONALISM AND INTEGRITY.   THEY ARE LEARNING ABOUT THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LIFE, AND THE COLERATAL DAMAGE, OF  SICK AND UNMORALISTIC SOCIETY, WHICH IS ALL WE HERE ABOUT , DISCRIMINATION, INTOLERANCE,  AND DEATH OF INNOCENT CHILDREN ND ADULTS.   THE FILTH AND THE DEGRIDATION,  OF THE DREDGES OF SOCIETY, WHICH IS ON TV, AND PROMOTED FOR THE ENJOYMENT, OF SOME SORT OF PATHETIC AUDIENCE!   RE: THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW, THE USE OF INNOCENT CHILDREN , AND ALL THE REST,  TO GAIN RATINGS, FOR MONETARY GAIN! AND ARE CAPABLE OF UTILIZING INNOCENT CHILDREN!

We all are reaching our toleration, of greedy and filthy Politicians, who only have their own hidden Agendas.  We are in a war, with people and Cultures we don’t understand.  We tend to feel that WE as Americans, are the only, life forms that deserve to exist.  Economy sucks, gas prices suck, The bullshit that is fed to us by our own Government sucks. Gun control sucks, because there IS an easy answer, DO BACKGROUND CHECKS!  When a Convicted Felon, Is found in possession, incarcerate him for 50 years.  Or better yet, pry the gun from “HIS Cold Dead Hands”  Don’t penalize the respectful, law abiding Citizens!   Give more power to deal with Metal health, Disorders who are capable of hurting their selves, or especially others!!

Criminals have rights! VICTIMS HAVE NONE!  Holy shit!  Something is wrong with us!

GO, figure that all the Pharmaceutical Company’s have jumped aboard the band wagon to make money at the demise of people.  There is a pill now available that cures any ailment, and at the same time can destroy, your liver, kidney’s, make you nauseous, dizzy, suicidal, and potentially a basket comatose case!

I love the one about Cialis, and Viagra!   Guys, this IS you love potion of today.  You no longer have to use you brain to get turned on,  by a beautiful woman!  You can just pop this magical, pill.  That will put a mile on her face!  Jesus Christ, you even have the propensity to have a, 4 hour erection! 

I would have been happy in my life, to have one last for more that 15 minutes. Damn,  4 hours, I would have been floating down a river, with a smile on my face, yelling “OPEN THE DRAW BRIDGE”!                    This may be funny, but it is grossly pathetic……………..!

SO BACK TO MY CHILDREN!  I THINK I HAVE GOTTEN THE POINT, ACROSS,  OF WHAT,  I WAS SAYING ABOVE !  AT LEAST I HOPE!

What should I expect of my Children, in my life right now?   And,  should I expect anything?

WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT,  FROM MY CHILDREN ?      I AT LEAST EXPECT THE FOLLOWING:  

1.    Respect

2.   I expect that they, at least research on occasion,  and learn about the dynamics of the Transgendered Community.

3.    I expect that they begin to understand,  what I have given up in my life, to give them ONE!

4.    I expect that they, don’t ignore me and have a conversation once and awhile !

5.    I expect that they at least try to begin to understand who I am, and the genetics, surrounding it.

6.    I expect that they show courage.

7.    I expect they don’t shun me……….

8.   I expect that they don’t, demand a pity party!

(Along the way,  I may edit this list on occasion, and add things}

I know that they are afraid of acknowledging me, because they are embarrassed and afraid of, what their, peers, co-workers, and others,  will say to them!  And I don’t expect them to allow me to rain on their Parade, either.  But at least, love and respect me, for having the courage to do what I am doing.

I WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT TELLING THEM ABOUT ME BEING TRANSSEXUAL,  IS TOO STRESS FULL, FOR THEM!   THEY ARE IN THEIR 30’S, THIS SURE ISN’T THE FIRST TIME, THEY HEARD ABOUT THE GAY, LESBIAN AND TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE……….HOWEVER, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT CAME CLOSE TO HOME !   AND BY THE WAY, IF IT IS TOTALLY TRUE THAT TRANSSEXUALITY,  IS DUE TO GENETICS, THEN THEY HAD BETTER, COME TO TERMS WITH IT,  FOR THEIR OWN CONCERNS,  AS WELL AS THEIR CHILDREN’S !!

JAMIE LEE

Blaxk Rose


NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME ! Jamie
GREAT BLOG

ftmark

InterrogationI was sipping tea at the end of a meditation class, when I became aware of a conversation going on next to me between a trans* woman and one of the other group members that made me very angry. Given where I was (the local Buddhist Centre) and that the woman in question hadn’t asked for intervention, I kept my mouth shut. But that didn’t stop the steam coming not-so-gently from my ears.

The gentleman this woman was talking to had, after ‘discerning’ that she was transgender, decided it was ok to ask her a series of increasingly personal questions about her transition, right down to ‘will you be having the Full Monty?’ – his words. Over tea in the Buddhist Centre.

Now she was answering those questions, so perhaps the whole conversation was fine with her, but it did get me thinking about all the questions that people feel…

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