pintrest dress




I have hid, struggled my whole life, to exist and to be.  I have transitioned and have crossed so many obstacles.  I have broken down walls. I have cried, suffered, and hated myself, over and over again.

I have despised my mirror, my image.  I have been on hormones and estrogen for over 7 years now!  I am being treated medically aw a transsexual woman (NOT A NATAL WOMAN)

I am at the stealth of my Transition, other than having the SRS.  I am happy with myself for the first time in so many years.  I know who I am!  I am Jamie Lee, a gift that was born differently, with Masculinity and Femininity.   More feminine that masculine!  

What is outrageous to me is the idiots, in my own Trans Community, who deceive the public and society into thinking that they were born, as a natal female, whether, it be by deceit, photos or words. We should be proud of who, we should be or need to be,  instead of why can’t we be!

Sure we have a right to identify ourselves as women, but when it comes to friends and especially relationships, we have a responsibility to identify ourselves as being born males in life, and educate them about our plight.

I also believe, It is highly disrespect to natal born females, that we suggest that we fit into the same category.    BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can’t we be proud of who we are, and what we have gone through in our transitions to become divinely Feminine………………..

I am Jamie Lee and I am proud that I am a Transsexual Woman, and have come this far.

You all know who I am talking about !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jamie Lee



Robert Kosilek, then 39, was already transitioning to become a woman when he killed his wife, Cheryl McCaul, during an argument. He strangled her to death, nearly decapitating her in the Mansfield, Massachusetts, home they still shared. Panicked, he dragged her body to his car, and drove to the Emerald Square Mall in North Attleboro, about 20 minutes away. He left his wife’s corpse in the mall parking lot and fled the state. Police caught up to him in New Rochelle, New York.

In 1990, Kosilek, who was then known by his birth name Robert Kosilek, strangled his wife Cheryl  McCaul. Kosilek was sentenced to serve a life sentence without parole

Earlier this morning I again,  saw a story on a blog concerning this pathetic ass-hole.  And I replied with the following,  on the blog:

I swore to myself that I would never revisit this story, and darn it, here I am!  Let me expose myself a little for the purpose of this story.  Something that I have never done before!  I am in my 60’s, married for 40 years,  We have two wonderful children.

Since I was born, I knew that I was different; however, I was a coward, who didn’t have the Courage to be!  I went into the Military, to make myself a man in everyone’s eyes.. When I got out of the Military, I went into Law Enforcement, to be a man’s man, and to drive the feminine feelings from me!   Approximately 30 years ago, I went into State Parole.

In the course of my career, I have arrested and dealt with, Murder’s, Rapists, Sex Offenders, Domestic Violence, and much, much more dealing with the dredges of our Society and the collateral damage which the left behind.  I have stood on the edge of the Abyss; I have faced death and guns being pointed at me. a multitude of times, as well,  as me pointing it at Criminals.  I am burned out and exhausted.  We are part of a Society where Criminals have rights and victims HAVE NONE!  How sad, because of the “bleeding hearts” of our world.

All these years, I hide my core, from people and including myself.  The feminine feelings in me never subsided; they always grew like an “Abscessed Tooth”.  A year before I retired I took my service revolver and was going to kill myself. Basically, because of Society, which I protected, could not accept diversity!  At that point I decided I was going to survive, and work on, who I was meant to be with “two spirits”

At that point, I told wife.  And to this day she is at my side transitioning along with me.  I am trying to have my children accept me as a “Genetic Transsexual Woman”  If you wish to follow my struggles, visit my blog, which is about my life!  But some of the readers, must understand that is because of your acceptance of me as who I am, that I suffer more!

First of all, with the upmost respect, I wish to address a statement that the Attorney made:

“It is a complex issue, no doubt. I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body. The folks I know who have had it seem to suffer from a lot of health problems because of the forced changes to the physical body which is different than the orientation of the mind. Oddly, before we had surgery for this, people learned to cope. I often think that modern medicine runs way beyond what the mind (we’re still pretty primal, folks) can deal with”.

Council, you took an oath to represent!  I took an oath to protect.  That is our difference as you well know, dealing with the “Scales of Justice”   You make the statement above that you have issues with us! Why is it your right to make that assessment?  Sure it definitely is a surreal assault on a body.  But can you understand that it should be my choice, to feel free in my body, soul and Spirit?  I have been on hormones, spiro and estrogen for over 8 years.  There still is no statistics available, showing what effects it has on a “Natal Male’s Body” But that is my choice!  Even if I die!  Because it makes me feel free of my OWN incarceration as a Woman!  So I do feel that your statement is not fair until you educate yourself into our dynamics!   Just my opinion Council.

Now, back to the point of the story, and that pathetic S.O.B.  I think everyone can see why this is a sensitive situation for me…………….If the readers here will allow me I will address some of the reasons below:

  1.  I believe 100& with Councils statement that this is a manipulative ploy by this person. I have seen it many times in the Criminal Justice System.
  2. It is a fact that Criminals, find reasons to change their mundane lives in their 4 X 8, cells.  Especially if they are in protective custody!  They look for reasons to do things, whether they are true of false! To get them out for a day!
  3. Council says they don’t have the right to make the final decision in this case!  I can, I will be the Judge, jury and the executioner in this pathetic situation!  Remember, this animal, KILLED A WOMAN in the most, cold hearted manner.  Where is, her rights? The majority of transsexuals I know, honor femininity, so much, that wouldn’t ever contemplate, hurting a woman.
  4. What kind, of Society are we in, which will pay for and operation, for a Convicted Murderer, and ignore me, as a law abiding citizen?   I think this is atrocious!
  5. I could go on all day!  So I will stop with my ramblings, because I have an easy solution, which will save tax payers money!


Put this wonderful person, in general population, the other inmates will treat him as the woman he was meant to be.  He can be happy!  And trust me they will give him the “SRS” operation that he deserves for FREE!  Be they kill him.  But never, never, let this creep, go to a woman’s prison, because, it would be, the most degrading thing to femininity, and womanhood!  And you the reader know it !!!!!!!!      TELL IT LIKE IT IS JAMIE LEE !

A response I got so far, was from a therapist who states ”    I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body” and agrees with the Attorney!  There was no comment about the validity of my post and my statements,  in reference to this Jack Ass below:

So now I have decided, to bring story to my TURF!  The Crystal Connection! 

But, I do want everyone to understand that Jamie Lee,  has true feelings, so I will say this:   AWE ROBERT, I am so sorry Sweetheart, for the pain you went through, while you strangled your wife, and had to go through the extreme trauma of decapitating her.  And then Sweetie, I know it bothered you to drive to a local Mall and dump her body in a parking lot!  OMG it must have been so stressful for you that day!  I wish I could just see a beautiful photo of your wife after,  you did that to her. I am sure she enjoyed the trip to the Mall with you that day, you pathetic son-of-a-bitch.   You killed a woman, something that we as Transsexuals stand for!  Femininity.  I truly wish that you could stand in front of me for one second.  And trust me, I would end your life as quickly as you took hers……………………………………………………….But I want you to know Robert,  that I wish you the best.  Love Jamie Lee








AND LASTLY, DON’T YOU EVER SAY TO ME ” I have issues with transsexual surgery simply because it is such an assault on the body”  BECAUSE, GUESS WHAT, IT IS MY DAMN CHOICE, AND IF I DIE IN THE PROCESS, THAT SO BE IT………………LET ME LIVE BEFORE YOU LET ME DIE!

Pathetic Animal

Pathetic Animal



BOSTON — A transgender inmate who won a court order for taxpayer-funded sex-change surgery has no medical need for further electrolysis treatments, a prisons department psychiatrist testified Monday.

Dr. Robert Diener testified during a hearing in U.S. District Court on Michelle Kosilek’s request to have additional hair-removal treatments. Diener, chief psychiatrist for the state Department of Correction, said he evaluated Kosilek in 2010 and again last month and concluded that Kosilek’s anxiety level hasn’t changed, even though she hasn’t had electrolysis treatments since 2008.

“I continue to believe that it’s not medically necessary for this patient,” said Diener, chief psychiatrist at MHM Services, Inc., a company subcontracted by the state Department of Correction to provide mental health services.

Under questioning by Kosilek’s lawyer, Diener acknowledged that he had not published any articles or conducted any research on gender-identity disorder, a diagnosis given to Kosilek. Diener also said he was told that the reason prison officials stopped giving Kosilek electrolysis after seven treatments is because it was too expensive.

Kosilek’s lawyer, Frances Cohen, said prison officials’ refusal to allow Kosilek to have additional treatments is “simply another incident of deliberate indifference” to Kosilek’s medical needs.

The department has said it discontinued the treatments after finding she had already received significant hair removal and saying her remaining hair could be removed by shaving or depilatories.

Judge Mark Wolf didn’t immediately rule on the request.

In September, Wolf ordered the state to provide sex-reassignment surgery, saying it is the only way to treat Kosilek’s “serious medical need.”

Kosilek was born male but has received hormone treatments and now lives as a woman in an all-male prison. Kosilek was named Robert when convicted in the 1990 murder of wife Cheryl Kosilek.

In his ruling, Wolf noted that Kosilek’s gender-identity disorder has caused Kosilek so much anguish that she has twice tried to commit suicide. Wolf said Kosilek “continues to suffer intense mental anguish” because she truly believes she is a woman trapped in a man’s body.

“That anguish alone constitutes a serious medical need,” Wolf wrote.

The Department of Correction has appealed Wolf’s order.

The judge also heard arguments Monday on the department’s request to put the order on hold while the appeal is pending.

Kosilek’s lawyers also asked Wolf to revise his ruling to change his use of male pronouns to female pronouns when referring to Kosilek. Wolf said he would consider the request.


Wis. won’t ban transgender inmate treatments

Three inmates who are male-to-female transsexuals filed suits after prison doctors stopped providing hormone treatments

The U.S. Supreme Court refused to consider reinstating a Wisconsin law that banned hormone treatments or sex-change surgeries for transgender prison inmates.

The justices today rejected the state’s appeal of a ruling that the 2006 Wisconsin law, by withholding treatments that prison doctors deem medically necessary, violated the Eighth Amendment prohibition against cruel and unusual punishments.

Three Wisconsin inmates who are male-to-female transsexuals filed suit after prison doctors, who had diagnosed them as having gender identity disorder, stopped providing hormone treatments because of the law.

“Refusing to provide effective treatment for a serious medical condition serves no valid penological purpose and amounts to torture,” the Chicago-based 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled. “Just as the legislature cannot outlaw all effective cancer treatments for prison inmates, it cannot outlaw the only effective treatment for a serious condition” such as gender identity disorder.

Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, in the state’s high court appeal, said gender identity disorder is a “psychological condition” and the legislature was within its authority to say treatment should be limited to “psychotherapy, antipsychotics and antidepressants.”

The Eighth Amendment “does not prohibit prison officials, prison medical personnel and, most certainly, a state legislature, from denying a small, controversial subset of the wide variety of treatment available for a particular diagnosis,” the state said in its appeal.

Medically Necessary

Lawyers for the inmates said doctors in the Wisconsin prison system were the ones who diagnosed the inmates and prescribed the hormone treatments as medically necessary.

“There was no evidence controverting the testimony of numerous witnesses that, for some people” with severe gender identity disorder, “psychotherapy or psychotropic medication alone” is “simply not effective,” lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union and the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund said, representing the inmates.

The appeals court ruling cited evidence presented at trial that for some people hormone treatment is the most effective way to prevent severe anxiety, depression, attempted suicides or self-mutilation. The court said “severe complications,” including high blood pressure and neurological problems, may arise when patients are taken off hormone treatments.

While the case centered on hormone treatments, the Wisconsin law that was found unconstitutional also prohibits the use of state funds for sex-change surgery.

The case is Smith v. Fields, 11-561.

To contact the reporter on this story: Bob Drummond in Washington at  bdrummond@bloomberg.net

To contact the editor responsible for this story: Steven Komarow at  skomarow1@bloomberg.net


It’s hard to find accurate statistics on exactly how many people in the United States (or anywhere else) are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). Nonetheless, what we know for sure is that the number of people who define themselves as LGBT is rising – fast. And this has a distinct impact on the world of corrections.

“As gender identity becomes more recognized as a legitimate concern that individuals have, you are going to see more of it in corrections,” said Donald L. Leach, a Jail Risk Management Consultant based in Lexington, Kentucky.

Leach hosted a workshop at the 2010 American Jail Association conference in Portland, Oregon titled, “Sexuality in the Jail: Issues with Managing Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Intersexual and Transgender Offenders”, which primarily discussed this question: How can correctional professionals define and manage the LGBT community effectively, securely and in correspondence with the law?

This article will discuss some of the related issues that can arise in the jail or prison environment and how Leach recommends dealing with them.

Using the right terminology When dealing with sensitive issues like this, Leach notes that what might seem like a harmless slip of the tongue can quickly turn into a major liability risk. Here are a few terms you need to be aware of:

Sexual preference: The preference one shows by having sexual interest in members of the same, opposite or either sex – Gender identity: Distinctly different from sexual preference, gender identity refers the gender with which a person self-identifies. Thus, for example, it is possible for someone to be a biological male who identifies themselves as a woman and also has a sexual preference for women. – Transgender: A general term applied to a variety of individuals, behaviors and groups involving tendencies that vary from the usual gender roles – Transsexual: A more specific term for when an individual identifies with a physical sex that is different from their biological one – Intersexual: A group of conditions where there is a discrepancy between the external genitals and the internal genitals, thus providing the individual with components of both the male and female genitalia

Housing: Predator vs. prey Regardless of sexual preference and gender identity, a fundamental objective in corrections must be to “separate the predators from the prey,” Leach said.

In many facilities, he said, “we’re not doing a good enough job of separating by classification.”

In other words, an inmate’s sexual identity or preference is only important to officers in so far as it helps them to decipher whether the inmate is likely to become a victim of abuse in the facility, Leach said. They should then be housed accordingly.

“We need to eliminate all types of violence,” he said. “Identify the predators and then remove them. It’s about protecting inmates from violence, sexual or non.”

Housing: Sexual preference So, if our goal is to better protect vulnerable inmates, should we be using sexual preference as a method for classifying inmates? Leach says “no”, because knowing an inmate’s sexual preference shouldn’t affect how we house them or define whether or not they’ll be victimized.

“We don’t care what your preference is,” Leach said. “There is no sex in the jail – period.”

Leach also challenges the notion that because an inmate is sexually attracted to someone of their own sex that it means they’re going to have sexual relations while incarcerated.

“It’s not true that people will automatically couple-up,” Leach said, emphasizing that just because a man is gay, it doesn’t mean he will be attracted to all and any men.

Instead of focusing on issues of sexual preferences, Leach said, “what you look for is sexual identification”.

Housing: Sexual identity When booking offenders, Leach said, it pays tenfold to ask the incoming prisoner whether they identify as male or female, regardless of what might seem like obvious physical characteristics to you and other staffers.

For instance, if someone is clearly (from a physical standpoint) a man but claims to identify as a woman, should this affect how we house them?

The best thing to do in these situations, Leach said, is ask. First, ask the transgender or intersexual offender whether they would like to be housed with men or women. If they say “with women”, then ask the women in the housing unit if they’ll be comfortable living with a man who identifies as female. In these situations, clear communication between all parties is critical and often very effective, he said.

This is not to suggest, Leach stressed, that inmates should be allowed to choose which gender they are to be housed with. It is simply another “predator vs. prey” risk to be considered by staff.

Once all predator vs. prey risks have been evaluated and the inmate has been housed, Leach reminds staffers to make sure to document the whole process that resulted in classification and housing of the offender, thus protecting themselves from any future liability risks.

There is, however, one specific case scenario Leach said to beware of: the male inmate who claims to identify as female simply to get a chance to prey on women sexually. However, this is again an issue of predator vs. prey and should be combated through a rigorous classification system.

Who should conduct searches? Next to housing, deciding who should conduct searches is one of the most difficult tasks – and highest liability risks – correctional professionals face when dealing with LGBT inmates, according to Leach.

“What we’re looking to do is not put additional trauma on people during searches,” he said.

Obviously, an individual going through a strip search is going to experience a certain level of embarrassment and trauma – in many ways this is just the nature of being in prison. The question, Leach said, is “how much embarrassment is ok,” before staffers find themselves in legal trouble?

According to Leach, as with housing inmates by gender identity, the key to conducting searches in an unclear situation is communication. Ask the inmate if they would like to be searched by a man or a woman. Get them to clearly confirm their preference and then document the process thoroughly, thus protecting staff if the inmate chooses to claim victimization.

If the inmate isn’t sure whether a man or a woman should conduct the search, offer to have both a man and woman officer in the room, Leach said. Often this is good practice in any situation where a male inmate requests to be searched by a female.

All in all, dealing with issues of sexual preference and identity will continue to be a tricky matter for correctional professionals until clearer case law develops around the process. For now, however, here’s a recap of some of the key points given by Leach in both his presentation and interview with C1 that staffers can use to protect both themselves and the inmates:

1. Improve our methods of classification (remember to ask about gender identity) 2. Clamp down on all types of violence and any sexual relations (same-sex or not) 3. Communicate clearly with all inmates and get their feedback when making inmate housing and search decisions 4. Thoroughly document all communication and the decisions made based on it

Please feel free to post any questions regarding these issues in the comment section below and we’ll forward them on to Mr. Leach.








red-shawl-in-cemetery-come back a day


My tiredness will go away
If you come back a day.

Friendship, poems, kisses, perfume, touching.

I will grow in your way
If you come back a day.

Sad memories, worries, pains and loneliness

All will go away
If you come back a day.

I will fly again in life’s sky.
I won’t be sorry anymore.
My insanity….

My life, my heart, my love, my every breath

Will be for you and only you
If you come back a day.

Your kind eyes, your beautiful face, your love

Will be enough to last my life
If you just please come back a day.

By Fatima S.

When I think of gender and violence, I think of the main challenges for Afghanistan: civil war and attacks that could come in the future. Economic issues—illiteracy and poverty and unemployment. and corruption.

To eliminate violence we need to provide opportunities and solutions. First of all we need peace in our country to eliminate violence. Then we must implement the rule of law as a basic right. We must place educated and professional people in key posts so we can decrease corruption. We must provide jobs for people. And finally, we need commitments from neighboring countries that they will not interfere in Afghanistan’s business.

How can we trust and believe that Afghanistan, with all of these challenges highlighted above, will never face violence against women? In our rural areas, 99 percent of women are illiterate and poor. They are not aware of their rights or what role they could occupy in our society.

There is a proverb that says women are like a piece of cloth. The parents put a price on their daughters the same way they price a piece of material for sale.

But it is our role and responsibility not to blame one another. I have had this experience while attending meetings and workshops. People blame the government and our government blames people.

However, if we give our hands to each other in unity, not blame, but trust and believe in each other, and if we do not depend too much on donors and funding, then I believe one day we will decrease the amount of violence in our country. Violence is a global problem and does not only belong to our country, and I hope one day we will never hear sad stories of violence.

By Mariam

Afghan Women’s Writing Project



As a Transsexual woman, it seems that I can relate to these struggling women. Is my body, my burqa? I don’t intend in any way to take away from the intensity of these women who are incarcerated and their struggle. However their words are powerful and I can relate to them especially the following: My face hidden, I smile unseen; I try to be brave, show my presence, I am invisible, See me; don’t see me, but I am here, take my picture I am a novelty to you. I am a woman who has been incarcerated in the wrong body! I AM JAMIE LEE

As you read these words, I hope it strikes your heart. Could you imagine that if at any given moment, all the burqa’s were removed from these women, how much more divine femininity and beauty would be in the world!

The Afghan Women’s Writing Project http://awwproject.org/discover-awwp/history-mission/

Voices are getting louder and louder,

Those voices that have always been meaningful

Even when no one heard or cared about them
those voices that tear the moon, sun, stars—

The sky screams for the sorrowful voices
the sun spreads their sound everywhere.

The moon smiles for the chattering hearts of women, who always wanted the world to hear. Stars get energy from those voices and shine.

Yes, these are the voices of those desperate and hopeful Afghan women

Who were tomboys in childhood, but when they grew up instead of a pen they got a baby in their hands.

Who were always thirsty to see the world beyond the house.

Who always wanted to take a deep breath in fresh air, but the prison of the burqa became like a part of the body.

Who always tried to have a voice, but were silenced.

Whose dreams remained dreams! For whom tears, grief, and worry were friends.

Who sacrificed their lives for others and never wanted to break hearts.
Who gave everything for the world.

Now from those voices come magic words:

I am proud I am a woman
I am not going to dream anymore; I will make my dreams come true
I am powerful
I challenge the people who hate women.

Woman means life.

Woman means humanity.

Woman means guider.

Woman means ability.

I will show you that one day woman means power!

Life begins with woman!

And, ends with woman!

Is complete with woman!

By Farahnaz

My face hidden, I smile unseen. It is I
Afghan woman, under burqa.

I try to be brave, show my presence.
See me; don’t see me, but I am here.

I don’t care how hot it is under burqa.

I am invisible.

I am part of my community.

I am here, Afghan woman
under Taliban burqa.

I cannot use chader namaz—
for I will be recognized.

My life threatened if they know
what I do under burqa.

They will make me stop working,
take my job, my life.

But I am an Afghan woman who wants
to stay safe, continue my fight.

Yes, I am brave under burqa,
enslaved in my generation of war.

Banned from education, my illiterate
sisters cannot work.

Some hide, learn in home-based classes,
work today, still at risk.

Foreign women come to see us,
under burqa, take our picture—
we are interesting, novel for them.

They don’t understand
our burqas are jail and safety made of fabric.
We are hidden beneath blue cloth,
confined, yet secure.

I am Afghan woman, working under burqa. We are many
and if there is one, we are all.
Afghan women.

Insha’Allah, we will one day
remove the burqa.

Yes, it is I, Afghan woman, under burqa—
Remember me.

By Seeta

Note: chader namaz is a large prayer scarf that covers the entire body.
Insha’Allah is the Arabic term for ” God willing”