MY STRUGGLE WITH SELF-WORTH BY: JAMIE LEE


butterflygirl

HOW TO CREATE SELF WORTH

One thing that almost all transsexuals, indeed almost all people at all, suffer from is a very low level of self-esteem.

Confidence, empowerment, the feeling of having value to one’s self, and to others, is greatly desired. For a great part of my life, I have known such a deep feeling of worthlessness that it was impossible for me to imagine just what feeling good about myself would be like. I understood intellectually that such a feeling must be better than what I knew, that there must be a positive way to feel about my own existence, but I simply could not imagine how it might be achieved.  One thing I often wished for in those times was for someone to explain to me exactly how to achieve real and lasting self-worth. No one could, with simple admonishments to ‘cheer up’, or mindless brush-offs in the form of ‘you’ll get over all that in time’ being the rule.

I have learned the secret that I sought long ago, and I imagine I am not the only soul to have been so desperate simply to feel some degree of goodness about myself. Perhaps others might wish to know the mechanism by which self-worth is generated. Here it is.

Self-worth depends on just a few basic factors.
 
 
Self-worth comes greatly from feeling that one has taken a sufficient degree of useful and valid action in the world. The nature and type of that action is irrelevant. What matters is that one feels that the actions taken are both useful and valid.

By useful, the action must accomplish something that provides benefit of some sort to one’s self or to others, or both.

By valid, the action must fit within the individual’s personal ethical framework. The action must be considered appropriate, necessary, correct, proper, or acceptable to the self.

By sufficient degree of action, the amount of action taken must feel like it is enough…for now. This last point is absolutely vital, and is often a stumbling block for people. It must be incorporated into the individual that there is such a thing as having done enough for a given period of time. This may require determining real and concrete rules for action in relation to time. Vague estimates may sometime lead to a condition of feeling like one has never done enough. This is detrimental, and ultimately, destructive. One must develop a reasonable concept of effort.

One way to develop a reasonable concept of how much is enough is to truly incorporate the bromide of ‘Having Done One’s Best’. It is reasonably easy for most people, unless they are incapacitated by clinical levels of depression more suited to medication than words, to judge when they have more or less done the best that they can.

To judge that one has done one’s best, within the time available, with the available resources, and under whatever duress was ambient, is useful in learning how to determine when one has done enough. Use this tool, it is a cliché for a reason: it works.

A last part of relating to action in the world is actually remembering the things one has done, and thinking about them. Self-reflection is important to self-worth. One must make the effort to consistently, and as dispassionately as possible, reflect upon the actions one has taken. The important part here is not to fuss over the action, but to be able to feel the sheer weight of the effort. One has to actively make one’s own actions count.

Indeed, the concepts listed above for achievement can be broken down into some basic rules to observe:

 LEARNING TO WALK

Self-worth is not instant. It is a process, not a thing! Self-worth is constantly being sapped and demolished by the nature of our society, and even the physics of our universe. A person is responsible for their own happiness, and also for their own self-worth. Neither can really be bought, sold, given or accepted, despite all fuss to the contrary. Self-worth, and happiness for that matter, must be CONSTRUCTED OVER TIME.

A baby cannot immediately run, but must first crawl, then walk. Self-worth cannot be truly, permanently gained overnight. At best an illusion of self-importance can be gained by fame or sudden success, but this mirage quickly fades. Lasting good feelings can only be achieved by developing a basic technique of constantly generating them.

The technique is simple and must forever be used: there is no point at which one may slack off. One must DO. Take action, small at first, then gradually greater, building up. It is that simple.

One note about the nature of action: one ALWAYS takes action. Doing nothing is also an action. The key is to do whatever one does deliberately, even if that action is to do nothing. One must make the effort to take responsibility for both action, and inaction. Always be aware that one cannot help but choose. Choice is not a privilege; it is a fact of existence.

Choose actions to take that are well within the realm of success. Successes build self-confidence, and so one must stockpile them up. The successes do not need to be great, they need to be abundant.

This is an important point. There is sometimes the confusion that one must achieve great things to feel great. This is often counterproductive, because it can lead to attempting things far out of one’s league, and thus produce ego shattering failures. It is easy to understand that abundant failure breeds self-loathing. The reverse must be understood to be true as well. Abundant successes…even small ones…gradually create self-worth.

Huge successes are dramatic and can boost self-worth a great deal, if briefly. However the risk of failure is greater, and at the lowest levels of self-esteem this becomes critical. Tiny successes may seem too small to be satisfying, but over time they stockpile. Enough tiny successes can create sufficient confidence and self-knowledge to make larger action successful.

This too can be put into simple rules:
 
 
 LIFE SUPPORT

Even if one diligently applies all of the concepts above, it can come to naught if the drain of the environment is too great. Human beings are social creatures, we require other people -or at least other animals- and we gain much of our orientation and validation from social contact.

Other beings are our mirrors, they reflect to us what and who we are by the effect we have upon them. It must be understood, however, that not all mirrors are equal, and that some mirrors totally distort what they reflect.

If an individual is very lacking in self-worth, this can become a difficult issue. As social animals we hunger for company, and if we are low in self-esteem, we may feel unworthy of decent company and grateful for any attention at all. Poor quality attention, from unworthy people, is often worse than being alone for a while.

There is a fairly easy way to determine if the company one keeps is worth keeping, or should be actively avoided. Judge whether you are being raised or lowered emotionally. Does your companionship make you feel good?

If your companions consistently degrade you, if their comments and the overall emotional effect of them makes you feel bad about yourself, life, your plans and attempts at achievement, your happiness and usefulness, then your companions are destructive to you.

A worthwhile companion, a worthy friend, consistently helps to lift your spirits. This does not mean that they agree with you on everything, or support every plan you construct, rather it means that overall, they encourage rather than condemn, offer help rather than despair, and show that you are worth their time and effort, by consistent mutuality.

Unworthy people must be avoided. No matter who they are, what their relationship to you is, or their social or emotional connection. This is not a matter of ego or whim; this is a matter of survival. Avoid those who drag you down, who minimalize or abuse you, or otherwise depress and sadden you. Loneliness can be cured in time, but a bad relationship can drag on indefinitely and limit the chances of gaining better relationships.

A valid relationship is a mutual thing. It must be. If it is not, it is not real, and is best left. To be mutual, a relationship must show roughly balanced interaction: What is done is returned in kind. A valid relationship builds up, and enhances power, self-worth, and provides support and assistance. It is trustworthy and useful for all parties involved. If it is not, even if it be a bond of blood or law, it is poison, and must be abandoned if it cannot be changed into a valid form. This must be followed.

If the basic concept outlined above is consistently and diligently followed, the result will be a gradual build up of self-worth and confidence. With it will come an increase in satisfaction, contentment, and add to overall happiness. The basic principle is simple: start out with small successes, keep trying slightly greater things to achieve still greater successes, and surround yourself ONLY with supportive, mutual, encouraging people.

Over time it then becomes inevitable that self-worth and confidence will be the result. Here is a summary list of the basic rules as give
If one makes even a partial effort along these lines they will be rewarded by feeling better about themselves, and any progress helps make for more progress yet.

Diligent effort will be rewarded with maximum gain. Even if one cannot imagine what self-worth feels like, even if one is afraid of self-worth, these rules put forth a simple and functional plan to cling to, in order to achieve lasting and real self-worth. For those with gender issues, self-worth can often spell the difference between survival and destruction. Every living thing has the basic natural right to fight for it’s own survival. Bother to do so.

The basic principle is simple: start out with small successes, keep trying slightly greater things to achieve still greater successes, and surround yourself ONLY with supportive, mutual, encouraging people.

MY FIRST POST FOR THE NEW YEAR ! JAMIE’S OPINION ! FROM MY NEWS DESK !!!!!!!!!


cropped patio

How to Create Self Worth     

 

 One thing transsexuals, indeed, almost all people, at all, suffer from, is a low self-esteem!

The confidence, and the empowerment of the feeling, of having value to one’s self, and to others, is greatly needed.

For a great part of my life, I have known such a deep feeling of worthlessness that it was impossible for me to imagine just what feeling good about myself would be like. I understood intellectually that such a feeling must be better than what I knew, that there must be a positive way to feel about my own existence, but I simply could not imagine how it might be achieved.  One thing I often wished for in those times was for someone to explain to me exactly how to achieve real and lasting self-worth. No one could, with simple admonishments to ‘cheer up’, or mindless brush-offs in the form of ‘you’ll get over all that in time’ being the rule.

I have learned the secret that I sought long ago, and I imagine I am not the only soul to have been so desperate simply to feel some degree of goodness about my self. Perhaps others might wish to know the mechanism by which self worth is generated. Here it is.

Self-worth depends on just a few basic factors.

The amount of achievements a person has accomplished !
The weight that the person places on those achievements !
The emotional support that the person has around them !
 
Self-worth comes greatly from feeling that one has taken a sufficient degree of useful and valid action in the world. The nature and type of that action is irrelevant. What matters is that one feels that the actions taken are both useful and valid.

By useful, the action must accomplish something that provides benefit of some sort to one’s self or to others, or both.

By valid, the action must fit within the individual’s personal ethical framework. The action must be considered appropriate, necessary, correct, proper, or acceptable to the self.

By sufficient degree of action, the amount of action taken must feel like it is enough…for now. This last point is absolutely vital, and is often a stumbling block for people. It must be incorporated into the individual that there is such a thing as having done enough for a given period of time. This may require determining real and concrete rules for action in relation to time. Vague estimates may sometime lead to a condition of feeling like one has never done enough. This is detrimental, and ultimately, destructive. One must develop a reasonable concept of effort.

One way to develop a reasonable concept of how much is enough is to truly incorporate the bromide of ‘Having Done One’s Best’. It is reasonably easy for most people, unless they are incapacitated by clinical levels of depression more suited to medication than words, to judge when they have more or less done the best that they can.

To judge that one has done one’s best, within the time available, with the available resources, and under whatever duress was ambient, is useful in learning how to determine when one has done enough. Use this tool; it is a cliché for a reason: it works.

A last part of relating to action in the world is actually remembering the things one has done, and thinking about them. Self-reflection is important to self-worth. One must make the effort to consistently, and as dispassionately as possible, reflect upon the actions one has taken. The important part here is not to fuss over the action, but to be able to feel the sheer weight of the effort. One has to actively make one’s own actions count.

Indeed, the concepts listed above for achievement can be broken down into some basic rules to observe:

Do Your Best
Do Only What You Know Is Appropriate
Remember What You Did and Reflect On It Intellectually

Self-worth is not instant. It is a process, not a thing! Self-worth is constantly being sapped and demolished by the nature of our society, and even the physics of our universe. A person is responsible for their own happiness, and also for their own self-worth. Neither can really be bought, sold, given or accepted, despite all fuss to the contrary. Self-worth, and happiness for that matter, must be CONSTRUCTED OVER TIME.

A baby cannot immediately run, but must first crawl, then walk. Self-worth cannot be truly, permanently gained overnight. At best an illusion of self-importance can be gained by fame or sudden success, but this mirage quickly fades. Lasting good feelings can only be achieved by developing a basic technique of constantly generating them.

The technique is simple and must forever be used: there is no point at which one may slack off. One must DO. Take action, small at first, then gradually greater, building up. It is that simple.

One note about the nature of action: one ALWAYS takes action. Doing nothing is also an action. The key is to do whatever one does deliberately, even if that action is to do nothing. One must make the effort to take responsibility for both action, and inaction. Always be aware that one cannot help but choose. Choice is not a privilege, it is a fact of existence.

Choose actions to take that are well within the realm of success. Successes build self-confidence, and so one must stockpile them up. The successes do not need to be great, they need to be abundant.

This is an important point. There is sometimes the confusion that one must achieve great things to feel great. This is often counterproductive, because it can lead to attempting things far out of one’s league, and thus produce ego shattering failures. It is easy to understand that abundant failure breeds self-loathing. The reverse must be understood to be true as well. Abundant successes…even small ones…gradually create self worth.

Huge successes are dramatic and can boost self worth a great deal, if briefly. However the risk of failure, is greater, and at the lowest levels of self-esteem this becomes critical. Tiny successes may seem too small to be satisfying, but over time they stockpile. Enough tiny successes can create sufficient confidence and self-knowledge to make larger action successful.
 
Even if one diligently applies all of the concepts above, it can come to naught if the drain of the environment is too great. Human beings are social creatures, we require other people -or at least other animals- and we gain much of our orientation and validation from social contact.

Other beings are our mirrors, they reflect to us what and who we are by the effect we have upon them. It must be understood, however, that not all mirrors are equal, and that some mirrors totally distort what they reflect.

It is vital to actively choose to surround oneself with worthwhile individuals.

If an individual is very lacking in self-worth, this can become a difficult issue. As social animals we hunger for company, and if we are low in self-esteem, we may feel unworthy of decent company and grateful for any attention at all. Poor quality attention, from unworthy people, is often worse than being alone for a while.

There is a fairly easy way to determine if the company one keeps is worth keeping, or should be actively avoided. Judge whether you are being raised or lowered emotionally. Does your companionship make you feel good?

If your companions consistently degrade you, if their comments and the overall emotional effect of them makes you feel bad about yourself, life, your plans and attempts at achievement, your happiness and usefulness, then your companions are destructive to you.

A worthwhile companion, a worthy friend, consistently helps to lift your spirits. This does not mean that they agree with you on everything, or support every plan you construct, rather it means that overall, they encourage rather than condemn, offer help rather than despair, and show that you are worth their time and effort, by consistent mutuality.

Unworthy people must be avoided. No matter who they are, what their relationship to you is, or their social or emotional connection. This is not a matter of ego or whim, this is a matter of survival. Avoid those who drag you down, who minimalize or abuse you, or otherwise depress and sadden you. Loneliness can be cured in time, but a bad relationship can drag on indefinitely and limit the chances of gaining better relationships.

A valid relationship is a mutual thing. It must be. If it is not, it is not real, and is best left. To be mutual, a relationship must show roughly balanced interaction: What is done is returned in kind. A valid relationship builds up, and enhances power, self-worth, and provides support and assistance. It is trustworthy and useful for all parties involved. If it is not, even if it be a bond of blood or law, it is poison, and must be abandoned if it cannot be changed into a valid form.

If the basic concept starts out with small successes, keep trying slightly greater things to achieve still greater successes, and surround yourself ONLY with supportive, mutual, encouraging people.

Over time it then becomes inevitable that self-worth and confidence will be the result. Here is a summary list of the basic rules as given:

Do Your Best
Do Only What You Know Is Appropriate
Remember What You Did And Reflect On It Intellectually
 
Self-Worth Is Self-Constructed
Choice And Action Are Inevitable and Unavoidable
Success Is Best Measured By Quantity First
Start Small And Build Up
 
Emotional Support Is Vital
A Valid Relationship Is Consistent And Mutual
A Valid Relationship Enhances And Encourages
Invalid Relationships MUST BE LEFT!
If one makes even a partial effort along these lines they will be rewarded by feeling better about themselves, and any progress helps make for more progress yet.

Diligent effort will be rewarded with maximum gain. Even if one cannot imagine what self-worth feels like, even if one is afraid of self-worth, these rules put forth a simple and functional plan to cling to, in order to achieve lasting and real self-worth. For those with gender issues, self-worth can often spell the difference between survival and destruction. Every living thing has the basic natural right to fight for its own survival. Bother to do so.

I OFFER MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION TO YOU ! MY VISITORS ! JAMIE LEE………VENI-VEDI-VICI


Jamie-standing

The Crystal Connection is dedicated to YOU !

You are the reader,  and my visitor, to the Crystal Connection, and it is because of you, that makes this a wonderful place.

First and foremost, I wish to thank each and everyone of you,  for visiting here.

I am honored to report that as of this date, I have 2,541 visitors, from 50 different Countries!

This has been accomplished in only 4 1/2 months, which makes me very proud.

HERE IS MY OFFER TO YOU !!!!!!!!

There may be many of you that visit, who don’t have a blog! Or,  you don’t have a venue, or the capabilities to tell YOUR STORIES

I will dedicate the Crystal Connection

As a venue,  for you to be heard and to tell those stories to the World.

I OFFER MY CRYSTAL CONNECTION

As you see, I have added a new Category “STORIES FROM AROUND THE WORLD”

If you have a story that needs to be told, E-Mail me at  jlcrystalconnection@gmail.com    with your story!

AND I WILL POST IT ON THE CRYSTAL CONNECTION

If you need to remain Anonymous or Confidential,  I will honor your wishes.

Also, if you just wish to leave comments, I will answer each and every one of them.  If you have any comments, as to how I can make the Crystal Connection better, for YOU, and what you would like to see here, in the future, please let me know!

I AM JAMIE LEE & THE MISTRESS OF MY OWN DESTINY

THANK YOU FOR VISITING HERE

NOTE:   THE CRYSTAL CONNECTION IS ABOUT EDUCATION, AND HUMAN SUFFERING.  IT IS ABOUT MANY THINGS, ESPECIALLY FEMININE OPINION, AND FEMININE OPPRESSION.   IT IS NOT A PLACE, AND THERE IS ZERO TOLERANCE, FOR RACISM, SEXISM, HATRED OF ANY TYPE.  IT IS NOT ABOUT MAKING POLITICAL STATEMENTS.

I WILL !  MAINTAIN IT AS A PROFESSIONAL AND COMPASSIONATE VENUE, FOR THE TRUTH & FREEDOM OF ALL !

Jamie Lee – A Butterfly Girl…………………………………….


I wrote the story submitted below on January 1, 2011. Now I am approaching January 1, 2012. I have finally been released from my incarceration and my cocoon. The photo is ME. All I have to do now is let my wings, dry, stand up, and fly! I am Jamie Lee the Butterfly Girl.

I began this Blog approximately 4 ½ weeks ago. Today, I have Nine hundred and Thirty (930) visitors to my Crystal Connection, and soon it will be one thousand (1000). I have had over 20 Countries visit it.

To each and every one of you that have come here, and to the new visitors, I say Thank You, from the bottom of my heart for taking time, in your life to come here. And also to say, Thank You to any new visitors.

Previously my life has been about sadness, UN-acceptance, pain and suffering I have endured. Those days are over. I now will post about my new found life and transition as a Genetic Transsexual Woman. I have finally learned to accept my self! Call it “Two Spirits” or what ever you wish. I call it the birth of Jamie Lee. And it is well over due!

“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, and not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.”

Nietzsch

Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best shot, but don’t hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people.

Celebrate your success and find humor in your failures. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Loosen up and everyone around you will loosen up. Have fun and always show enthusiasm. When all else fails, put on a costume and sing a silly song.

I owe this inspiration and my life, for Infinity. I will go on forever ………………………!

Jamie Lee

A NEW YEAR
January 1, 2011

BECAUSE SHE IS ME!
AND I AM HER!
SHE IS SOMETHING I HAVE FELT
WITHIN MY HEART AND SOUL
FOREVER! – JAMIE LEE

I am about to face another year of hopes, dreams and aspirations. I will face another year of the trials and tribulations endeavoring, to survive the brutal reality of my own existence and fate, once again. Trying to be free of the constant torment in which I live. The constant fears of life and death! The thoughts that I am some kind of unusual or irregular thing or occurrence, which is considered, to be some type of curiosity and monstrosity! There are some religious theories that death is genderless! If this theory is remotely true, then it strikes the most intense feelings in me of being forlorn and lost in eternity forever. Struggling since birth, for freedom, independence, acceptance & understanding,

And especially the compassion towards, freeing the incarcerated woman within me! I have had many dreams that upon my death, I will be walking through a field of flowers, in a white gown, proudly standing and knowing that I am finally set free, and am the essence of me in my femininity and will be waiting for the people that I love!, knowing that my incarceration is over And the fear! The fear that all this is just a false dream, and there is truly nothing, realizing that life is just an illusion.

Another year of peering at my own worst enemy, the mirror! The object that reminds me how handicapped and ugly I am! But it tantalizes me with the rare occasions of being able to see the divineness and beauty growing within me, only for a second. At those rare and special occasions, I do look and feel beautiful!

Welcome to my world, I am like a Butterfly, though I haven’t been so. There was a time when I had no wings to fly and gravity held me down with fierceness. Life was a constant struggle just to survive! I thought I had found my path, and then a storm would come and set me in someplace completely different, always feeling I was thrown around like a twig. Finally I grew weak and felt the need to wrap myself in a protective cocoon and escape the onslaught of struggle after struggle. Many times I thought I had given up.

I don’t know how long I slept in the darkness of that cocoon, my incarceration, but it seemed a lifetime. One day I woke and knew that I must break out, the walls no longer served to protect me; they simply kept me from stretching out into the fullness of my being. The walls I had surrounded myself with had become more uncomfortable that all the storms I had endured on the outside of my walls. And I found myself struggling harder than ever before, only now to escape those walls I had hid behind with sweet relief. I was stuck in a prison of my own making! I squirmed and struggled, pushed and prodded until one day, one glorious day, I could see daylight through a tiny crack in my wall. This renewed my desire to escape and I worked until I was able to finally pull myself up and out of my cocoon. I was free! The more I stretched in the sunlight, the more I noticed that something was different. I had changed. The more I stretched in the sunlight the more I noticed that I was free! I basked in the glory of it all.

This is the year, to document and rethink things. My joy will not be tied up in circumstances, however, I am going to try to focus on the things that feel right in my heart and not the things that I strove for and failed. It will be a tremendous test of my will & strength. The tougher times are inspiring me to try and make this the best year of my life!

It inspires me to look at and document for the first time, my success, and what I have received and accomplished. And to also to pay honor to all those people which have preserved and stuck by me, constantly encouraging me. And finally the time to recognize the ones that I have hurt!

Too many times my hopes and dreams were turned into a chaotic mess by me! How could I expect others to believe in me when I don’t believe in myself? It is a time to understand the awareness that I have been divinely given, that others, will never experience. To have an understanding of gender and the human condition! Along with the roles and hidden unquestioned, within it!

I must recognize the blessings that I received. I must kneel and be thankful for receiving the very essence of femininity! The ability to finally cry and show emotions, along with the ability to understand & feel the wondrous cycles of my body and soul, along with its changes. Especially, the ability to look at the world in a different manner! The ability to see that I might be a true gift and not damnation!

It is especially the year to be humble and show, my extreme gratitude to my true friends, relatives, family, Doctors, Therapist and people, who have exhausted their energy and hearts, accepting me!, and helping me.

To honor their courage, for having an open mind! Along, with their perseverance to learn, understand & tolerate the true nature of human diversity in its most extreme sense. I want to thank them for having the wisdom, love, compassion & fortitude, in helping me, bloom, succeed, survive & exist, never turning their backs on me once! They truly are my hero’s!!

The end!
And the beginning!

BLACK BEAR DIARIES


THE BLACK BEAR DIARIES is one of the most fast, engrossing and easiest reads you will ever experience. There are many self-help books these days, but some of them lose you in the first two chapters – not this one. Once you pick it up, it becomes harder and harder to put down.

I feel privileged to have read it, and privileged to know Lisa Buffington as someone who practices what she preaches.

She has overcome a lot. And, after reading this, I can emotionally experience her journey, and apply it to my life, as can anyone else. It’s like medicine for the soul. It’s not just required reading, but it’s reading you will enjoy the same way you enjoy the sunrise or the chirping birds in the morning. It’s part of the circle of life. The pain, the joy and all of the lessons we learn along the way.

Read this book and those lessons may be easier to spot, and more tolerable to take. You will see them as a necessary part of your journey on this earth. It will teach you how to adapt and survive. How, to find a better habitat. How, to evolve into a new species … how to evolve into a better breed of you. How to become the person you were born to be.

– Sam Borowski
Award-Winning Writer-Director/Producer of “NIGHT CLUB,” – which stars the late Oscar-Winner Ernest Borgnine.

The Black Bear Diaries [Kindle Edition]
Lisa J. Buffington (Author, Photographer), Brianne N. Buffington (Editor)

Biography
Lisa J, Buffington was born in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania, and spent much of her life searching for her writer’s voice. She has found it, and expresses it well in books such as “The Black Bear Diaries”, and “Reflections of a Forgotten Mistress” which she wrote under the pen name, L.J, Priest. Her first short film, POLLINATION*, made its debut in the Holly Shorts Film Festival in Hollywood, California on August 11, 2012 and features actors such as Federico Castellucio, Bill Sorvino, and Maria Rusolo. More about her movie and screenwriting can be found on her imdb.com web site.

http://www.amazon.com/kindle/dp/B008JL0W8W/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_eos_detail